dazed one

I'm still here, popping in a few times/week and am everso grateful to be thought of.... and even though I'm not posting, I am thinking of all of you. Work is very busy and still have these sore arms so I do avoid typing. Will also have to deal with all of the ice on my sidewalks from the big water main burst last week and try to get more snow off my roof. Thankfully, temps are rising above zero FINALLY. Will try to post more soon. Keep up the fight dear friends.

Carla

Keep looking after number one my friend, I hope you are being kind to yourself.

I am writing to thank you for the exercise advice, religiously I do them each day and my knees are stronger than ever!!!

Yes I still have pain but I am managing it much better and have found cherries do a good job too.

So a huge thanks from me for the amazing advice!!

Duncs stepping forward never back

Good morning girl,

Just coming by to say hi and that u are never forgotten. Look after yourself and stay safe. Believe in urself and never ever give up girl...NEVER!! (((((( C ))))))

Hope to hear from you soon.

Take care

S x

Hi Carla

Hope your well ? thinking of you and miss your posts on my diary 🙁 hope to hear from you again soon.

I have decided to really try and stop for good, takes great mental strength and resolve ! hope i can carry it through.

Take care friend, Dark Place

I'm still alive and kicking. Very busy at work. Arm starting to feel better though fingers still numb. After work, no energy left but vow to return this support eventually. Thinking of all of you and grateful to be remembered.

Hey girl,

Good to see you back on a radar. Take it easy at work, don't get overtired and look after yourself 🙂

Get a good rest as much as you can

(((((((( C ))))))))

S x

Hi Carla

Please give me a post to make sure your ok ? thinking about you.

Dark Place

Thanks Carla, pleased to know your doing ok, you are sorely missed by me and all, your friend Dark Place

Hi you Carla ! where are you ? hope all is well in your life, thinking of you, Dark Place

Sorry DP but all is not well. f-#@ I am such a loser. I don’t think I’ve ever felt more down. I just called my brother. I will have to ask him to loan me a couple thousand dollars. I am pretty sure he is going to say no. I’ve screwed up massively again. My pay is gone and I don’t have enough to cover my payments, let alone food. Sick. Meant to spend time returning the support I’ve received from the good folk here but instead my car drove me to the casino where I deposited all my cash. I don’t know what to do. If I’m lucky, my bro will lend me the money. I will also ask him to take over my finances. I can’t be trusted with my money at all. I do this every payday but this time it’s even worse because I usually cover my debts first. It’s bad enough that my credit has already been affected. Now, I am in real danger of losing my house. Four hours until my bank balance shows red. Feel like I could vomit. Idiot. Sorry for not being able to return all the support I’ve received. I don’t deserve it.

Hi girl,

Sounds like tough time for you my friend. Be kind to yourself..we are here, I know not much use for ur material situation, but we are here to listen, understand and never judge. Spit all the poison out, do not isolate, there is a way out and we can do this together.

Take a good care of yourself and keep posting

S x

Oh Sandra... nothing is going to make this right. Brother said no. I also asked sister and friend... both said no. I'm hooped. Just want to curl up into a ball and shut the world out.... but my mind won't stop. Dread.

Of course its hard and confusing now girl. But you can't give up giving up. Of course there is a way out to makes this right. You are a fighter remember, strong person full of determination remember?. Kind heart and admirable personality remember? Get up girl, running wont help, stand on ur two feet and keep fighting. Just keep it going, breathing and believing.. Would you for the last time agree to swap email addresses plz...S x

I made things even worse last night. When everyone I asked said no to lending me money, I headed back to the casino and took another 1000. It felt like my only alternative because I needed money for food for this month and it's the only place I knew to access credit (because they offer a "bypass" on debit cards when you've reached your limit). I figured I would keep 500 for food and try to turn the other 500 into enough for my debts this month. Naturally, it didn't work.... though, I did keep the 500 for food. So now I have to come up with 3000 and fast and this is impossible. I have already sold anything I could. Feeling very sick to my stomach. Sandra, you are so special... always there even when support is not returned. Sure, you can tell Gamcare that I agree to give you my email but I have to tell you that I've been a real slack a**e with Volcano and haven't corresponded in a long time. I guess I kind of felt like he was doing well and I didn't want to keep sounding like the loser and downer I am! Just feel sick.

Feeling resentful that my family and friend all said no to loaning me money and yet I understand. Resentful because I have never borrowed from them before.... have always paid my debts somehow... but understand because I was honest with them and it was me who told them that I am an out-of-control compulsive gambler. I feel like I should never have been honest. I did once lend my sister a far larger amount than I have asked for and at that time, I didn't ask any questions. I even cashed in investments to do it for her. I suppose I shouldn't feel resentful. Who lends money to a compulsive gambler?!