dazed one

Thanks, James. I have thought of exactly what you've said and proposed it to my sister but she won't (or can't) lend me money. I haven't asked anyone else and I'm not sure I will. My brother-in-law is here at the moment (lives in another city but stays with me when he has to come here for work). We had a frank and long discussion last night and he is urging me not to take on any more debt. He thinks I should sell my car which would be selling a very reliable vehicle with low mileage at a huge depreciation because prices have come down substantially since I bought it). My sister is now thinking I should sell my house which would leave me with about $50000 or so equity and buy a much smaller, cheaper place. I have some more "homework" to do exploring my options. Much as I'd like to procrastinate on this, I can't.... however, my brain really needs a break right now. I am doing some volunteer work at a music festival over the next 4 days and start working there tonight. Hopefully, it will help clear my head a bit and I can tackle my problems with some fresh thinking starting on Monday. As for the $1700 credit I can still access.... you're right, James. There are urges to just take $500 of that and see if I can turn it into more... but, that would be so stupid and I just can't. Still, I'm afraid I will get weak and do it. I did suggest turning over all control to my sister but I'm not sure she wants to take that on. It would also be quite complicated as she lives in another city. For today, I will not gamble.

I am about to sell my car, I was going to do so anyway as I will not be able to take it with me, but my recent losses have given me extra reason to do so.

I know its a bit different for you, as you would be selling it while you can still get use out of it.

From my own point of view I am going to going to get a great price for my car and suffer a fair bit of depreciation considering I only bought it 10 months ago. I am embracing this fact though as just more money that I am losing as a result of gambling. For me its part of the healing process. Its just lucky for me that it coincides with me going away, otherwise I would be much more regretful to do so.

I don't know your exact circumstances, and how you feel about your current house, but maybe downgrading might be part of the healing process, I don't know. If keeping your current house keeps you locked in debt then its probably not a great thing to help you beat this.

I don't understand the exact relationship between being in debt and gambling , but for me being in debt has only increased my likelihood of gambling.

I am really worried for you about that $1700 - please try and think of some workable solution to limit your access to it.

Thats great news about volunteering for the music festival - that sounds just what you need. I hope it is both enjoyable and rewarding.

Please keep giving me advice, I really appreciate it.

Hi there, thank you for you post and again words of encouragement. I really do feel your pain and can't give u any answers as to how to overcome your current situation. All I can say is that taking a frank look at what u really can and cant afford helps. What would it take to get yourself straight with ur repayments? Would selling your car manage that? If so how would you cope with everyday life. If not do you have a spare room you could rent? Would the first months deposit for this help you? Do you have a family member you could stay with fir a few months and rent your property out? If none of these are possible is there any other organisations you could go to for help? In the UK if u r really stuck the government offers hardship or budgeting loans ( not payday loans!) which can help short term depending on circumstances. Maybe google hardship loans in your area and see what is available. If this is a possibility I would take others suggestions of handing finances over - if you sister is not comfortable doing this maybe suggest she does it fir the first month while you get yourself back in your feet. I hope some of what I have suggested may help. Take care xx

Hi Carla.

Sorry to hear about your predicament.

I don't have much experience with debt that is over my head so I cannot help too much there apart from what everyone else has suggested. I can however say not to jump into a quick, rash decision in how to raise the money.

When I first got into trouble from gambling, the first thought was to get rid of my car (that I had only just bought) in order to eradicate all debts and start fresh, but the longer I left it, the longer I realized it was a spur of the moment thought. I was only going to get like half back on it, plus I needed the car in order to get to work etc.

I am aware you need to act quicker because of the impending payments, but try and set aside enough time to explore your options. You do not want to make things tougher on yourself.

Stay strong in abstaining from gambling and see that $1700 as a fail-safe for normal life, not as a back up for a stake/losses.

We are here for you.

Good Luck

Jace

Hi Carla,

Thank you for your post, sorry to read about your situation but like anything as long as you have breath in your lungs there is still hope, although it must not feel like that at the moment.

You sound like your doing all the right things and not running away from something that needs you to face it head on.

Be strong, I hope all works out for you and remember what got you here !

Take care

blondie xx

Thanks James, Needtomoveon, Jace and Blondie. I'm afraid to say I blew it with that last $1700... the very last credit I could access from the bank. Now, I have about $500 credit on a credit card left which will have to go for food for a month and a half. I gave in to the urge in hopes that the $1700 could be turned into more to help me through the next couple of months and instead I have added to my already ridiculously high debt. I don't have many options left. I've put my scooter up for sale but no bites and that wouldn't bring in enough anyway. I could sell my car at an enormous loss and it's reliable and I need it. I could sell my house. I could check out hardship loans and add on even more debt but it could potentially get me back on track IF I WOULD STAY OUT OF THE d**n CASINO (though, I haven't met with them about details so I'm not even sure it's doable). My options are pretty limited. Not feeling very good about myself (as usual).... dreading my doctor's appmt tomorrow too. I am worried about my physical health. The stress is taking its toll.

Hi Carla. Sorry to hear about your latest setback.

Whatever you decide to do, I think you need to find a way to deny yourself the ability to gamble, otherwise whatever solution you find will be jeopardized... for example if you eventually sell your car, you might just end up gambling the proceeds trying to win some of your losses back.

Whatever solution you decide on, you need to find a way to making gambling impossible.

Good luck with the doctors.

Hello, im guessing antipodean Carla.

Feeling for you and get the feeling of a big abyss and flicker of light at the end. I really dont get things thissid of the world but do know theres organisations or people out there who can advise and guessing its the same over there..

We c/g's seem to love wallowing in the S***e of gambling and this journey is one beeetch to get out of. But hai ho, many have blazed the trail ahead of us and many more unfortunately will follow. Now its our time, albeit slowly and for now just the one day at a time.

Stick the mits up Carla, your in a fight against an invisible foe of the gambling demon, a real hard nut to cra-ck.

I wish you well in clearing the cloud we get in our heads and going through the process towards acceptance..Break the cycle, find all the necessary blocks, you can do IT, believe!

Strength and honor to you

Im guessing..

http://youtu.be/mD40Dr-gF_U

Thanks James and Volcano. I haven't had a great day but at least I'm doing something. Went to the docs and disclosed EVERYTHING... depression, pot smoking, alcohol, caffeine, cigarettes, and gambling and didn't sugar coat anything (though, I heard that docs double any vice disclosed because addicts tend to lie). I had it all written down and just let her read what I wrote because I knew I would just break down and weep and not get any words out and I was right. She said (which I already knew) that we can't treat the depression because of alcohol/pot use and thought perhaps that the depression was possibly caused by the entire situation. I didn't really respond to that ... know I've been depressed to a much lesser degree for many, many years before the gambling, etc. excelerated but no doubt it's gotten so much worse over the years of gambling and self medicating. She referred me to another organization which deals with addictions so I will go to see them tomorrow and she asked me to come back in a week to see where i'm at. I've also set up an appointment for tomorrow with a credit counselling agency which will hopefully help me explore financial options. I'm feeling so emotionally and physically drained at the moment. Tomorrow is another day....sigh.

Hello Carla.

Thanks for post on my diary. I also tick all the boxes mentioned above and good on you for dealing with it head on. Think we, well i know i do any way bouncealong between our adictions as we get older and before we know it, every thing gets on top of us. Think between you and Dr, has cracked the equasion to put an end to this broken record and move into unknown territory called living the simple/ easy life.

What use to seemed the way forward once upon a time, ie escaping to a joint or numbing the brain further with a drink or gambling eventually escalates and bang!! Too many downers and we have a near permanent dark cloud of depression hanging over us.

Tomorrow/ today is brand new and we get through it head on. Keep moving forward Carla, the spiral has gone horizontal but with perseverance and outside help that spiral will soon pick up momentum and go upwards.

Strength to you

Thanks, Volcano. I didn't sleep at all last night so in the end I did not go to that organization today. When I talked to them yesterday, she urged me to get there at 8 a.m. or I would face a long wait (there must be a lot of us addicts out there) but I just couldn't get up this a.m. I did have another appointment with another organization who turned out to be a bankruptcy trustee (and I'm not there since I still have a teeny bit of equity in my house) so that didn't help. I have made another appointment with another organization which administers a government program for debt management. I'll see them on Monday but I'm so hesitant because I know their program will affect my credit rating. I also called a B class lender since the banks won't give me more but these lenders are pretty scary. The one I found which seems reputable would charge me $300 to have an appraisal done on my house before lending me anything and I don't even have $300. Will see what the addictions place can advise me of tomorrow and the financial counsellors on Monday. If only my scooter would sell..... 🙁 Geesh, this is so draining.

Hai Carla..

Hang in there, stay very close to these diarys. Sobriety from gambling and the rest of the list we both tick has to come 1st. The rest will follow and fall into place.

This rock bottom is the start, jump on the spot, you cant go any lower! Only horizontal and then finally the spiral will go up.

Your fighting the good fight Carla, its extreme now but things will level, i really believe that. Try to steer clear of these money sharks, you need belief in your self before any one else will believe that your fighting to stop the cycle of S***e we find our selves in.

Strength and Honor sent over the pond to this Anzac warrior.

Yes, I am using the diary now more than ever. It certainly is a fight. At the moment, I'm not gambling but likely only because I have nothing to gamble with. What I must keep to the forefront of my mind is that I could still lose the little equity I have left in this house and that could be around the corner so I have to keep it together right now. No gambling but I'm still having my beer, coffee, cigs and pot everyday. Having to deal with the consequences of all of these years of gambling really stinks. I didn't get up early enough again today, however, I will go to that addictions place even if I have to face a long wait.

Hey Carla,

Thanks again for the posts on my diary, don't believe in fate but can't believe that you posted on that diary today.....

We are so similar from the gambling to the pot. Think we are in the same place recovery wise as well, we feel the destruction gambling brings to us but just can't seem to break the cycle, what's it going to take for you? To loose the house? How much gambling self harm can you take?

Please don't gamble the rest of your available money (am talking to myself just as much as you!)

And thanks again, you gave me the motivation to post again.

Think we need to learn to love ourselves

You are so very right... we need to learn to love ourselves. That's where it all starts... to believe we deserve a good life. I know that there were times when I posted when I was feeling so, so low that it took all I had to muster the strength to type and got no responses (not that I'm blaming anyone because I wasn't using the diary for anything more than self pity). I was thinking about that and decided to go several pages into the recovery diaries to find someone who hadn't posted in a while and might need some encouragement and found your diary. I'm sure many of us feel very alone at times, or even all the time (for me before I told anyone). Get back on that horse. We can do this! Keep posting.