Dear Diary

Hi Janie,

Your honest post has bought memories back, and I can relate to what you are saying, I had no worth of money either til I had none left and that was after taking PD loans out.

We cannot win because we cannot stop, even when we are way up,.

I am on 242 days now after having played online slots none stop, it can be done, if we really want to stop, the longer we abstain and maintain taking one day at a time, the easier it gets.

I wish you all the very best with your recovery, it's nearly a new year, why not join the 2015 challenge it certainly will give you more motivation and determination.

Take care

Suzanne xx

Great start to your diary. You'll start to feel so much better without gambling and lying.

I'm sure your parents and daughter will understand, even if you told them the truth!

Good to set up a budget and monitor the in's and out's.

Have you thought about seeking further help for your addiction? Perhaps through your GP or the GamCare counselling on here?

I'm trying to get as much help as possible, some of it is daunting at first but I don't want to fall back to my old ways.

Thanks guys, you always feel like you are the only one sometimes and it's nice to hear positive comments from people who have been and still are in the same boat. I'm going to try and go it alone for now. My son hasn't gambled since his wife found out a few months ago, and when I told him my situation today he said he has fleeting thoughts now and again and then thinks no it's for mugs and he doesn't give it a second thought. He has done well and I am going to be as strong as my boy!!

I can come here in 242 days time and say I haven't gambled as well Suzanne, I know I can do it 🙂

Well I'm into day 3, can't sleep, been on slots again. I have no willpower. ive been working out that saving money isn't really gonna get me very far and know hitting the slots can get you a big win but it's the odds against you and being on at right time etc ect. I just wish I could stop worrying and thinking about flipping money. Everything is money, you get nowhere and have nothing without money. But when you're inashit position in life there is no way of getting enough to get by. I do appreciate everything I have already, I would like to say I have my health in tact but it's not quite , I have 2 great kids, nice parents good friends, so why am I being greedy? Why am I not happy with my lot? I don't know how to answer the questions I'm asking myself. I have a lot on my mind. Just need to sleep...