Hello,
I'm very new to these forums but they have been really beneficial to me. I've only posted a few times but I kinda feel the need to check in every other day to keep me focused.
A bit about me...
Hi,
Been lurking for a few weeks now and decided today I should sign up.
I've truly sickened myself with gambling, I am nearly 30 and have been gambling since I was 18. I never considered it to be a problem because I always won enough to keep me going, the winnings paid for holidays and I enjoyed playing.
At the start I was going to the bingo, then it was online bingo. Once I was online I got sucked into playing slots, I would play every day online, honestly how sad. I used to enjoy the casino after a night out but then I started going myself and during the days.
I ran up about £4000 worth of gambling debt using a credit card (Bye bye credit rating) and I thought enough is enough I must sort this out. I had 3 and half grand set aside for a rainy day. You can only see where this is going. I paid 3500 to that credit card from my savings and surprise surprise I blew it online gambling.
Really I feel so disgusted with myself, I am ashamed and if anyone found out I would be so embarrassed.
This website has been really helpful for me, I am so glad I found it. The last time I gambled was on the 13th July 2016 so I am 23 days gamble free. The hardest days for me is when I am off work, I would usually be sat glued to my laptop or at the casino. I have 2 weeks off work coming up where I actually planned to go on my summer holiday but because I have peed my money down the drain there will be no holiday for me. I have considered cancelling my leave and going to work at least that way I will have something to do.
I am a bit of a loner, I am depressed and have a problem with alcohol. I have been to see my gp who refered me to councilling, however after attending my first meeting I decided I don't need it and that I was just having a rough time. I didn't mention my drinking or gambling because I guess I am in denial and thought I am not telling them that.
Also because I had been gambling so heavely I was drinking to make myself feel better (because that works!) and then I was missing work. I was scared I would get sacked for being off so I had to tell my boss about being depressed I told them it was mostly down to the on/off tempestuous relationship I was in, that had part to do with it but the main thing was the gambling the drinking the stress of being in unmanageble debt.
My mind is starting to clear, I think, I hope
I look forward to talking to you all.
Thanks for reading, sorry about the spelling.
That was my intro post, I've decided to keep a diary now. I will update this evening. I think now I'm on about day 40 now
Talk soon
So I'm now on Day 41!! YAY but does it get any easier?
I've joined the gym and have been also going out walking as much as I can, anything to take my mind off gambling.
Saturday just past I was dying to do some footie tickets I thought a fiver wont hurt but if I am doing this I am doing it properly.
My casino friends have been calling and texting they worried they have not seen me, I just tell them I am taking a break.
Small victory this is the first month I've not been in my overdraft. Payday is coming so I'll be able to pay a a little more to my credit card and I think I will treat myself to something new. I fancy buying a fitbit to keep me motivated, out and about not sitting at home or in the casino.
My 'boyfriend' got home yesterday, he's not my boyfriend I dunno what he is. I feel like I want to tell him everything, the full extent of the gambling, the savings gone and my debts. I am not looking to him for sympathy or finanical help, I think I want to just tell someone because sometimes the weight of my guilty conscience gets heavy.
Hi BreakingFree, just wanted to fly by & welcome you to the diaries...Hi 🙂
I'm off out now but will post properly later.
Well done for dragging yourself out of the shadows & great decision @ the weekend. It does get easier if you put the effort in - ODAAT
Hi bf
If he's not your boyfriend then what do you have to lose. Although it seems hard to tell people it's ten times better when you clear your concience.
You never know he may have something he wants to get off his chest to.
All the best
Hi BreakingFree,
Good luck with your recovery and well done on making the right decision at the weekend.
I too am in a predicament in whether to open up to people about my problem. Have told my friends about 'closing' online accounts rather than self-excluding. If you do have a discussion with your boyfriend then I hope it goes well.
Perry
Thanks for your support on my diary. Good luck with your recovery. It sounds like you are taking all the right, positive steps.
Another day today and it's pay day. I'm bored and can really see me going to the casino. Then I think no the money I lose there I could have treated myself to a day out to another city. I'm really struggling.
Hi Breaking Free
Just wanted to encourage you at this point as it sounds like you're having a difficult day. Going to the Casino might feel like a good short term option to distract you, but it would probably make you feel worse in the long run. Would it help to talk to someone at this point if you are on your own - I know you said in your diary that you didnt want a counsellor right now, but the advisers on the helpline or netline are available for a chat. It might help put a different perspective on things today anyway.
Take Care,
Rebecca
Afternoon BF, you have absolutely nothing to gain by going to Casino, the only reason i can see to go to the Casino is to Self exclude. Its pay day if you’re bored treat yourself go for a meal or to the cinema or both don’t tell me you can’t afford because you can afford to think about going to the casino.
You're nearly 50 days in you don’t want to have to go back to day 1 its just not worth it. lets imaging you go in and win , what did you do last time you won? Go and pay off your debts book a holiday buy a new pair of shoes or a handbag. If you’re anything like me you eventually gave it all back and then need to chase back your original stake and your winnings so all your wages will be gone by the end of the weekend if you are lucky.
Stay strong stay away from that first bet because without the first the 2nd and 3rd will never come.
KTF
I didn't go, I just lay in my bed all afternoon. I am struggling big time even though my pay is accounted for (paying debts) I am desperate to have a little go.
What is that documentry that people have mentioned its on youtube? I am trying to look for it now.
Thanks for the support people
A nice selection to get you through in those 3 links hopefully you find them useful
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