degenerate iv

Day 45

Just read some of my past failed recovery diaries. Pathetic, when I relapse I end up gambling all my payday money and more. I think I am doing well when I am just saving up for my next relapse. Need to get real and stop having stupid complacent thoughts.

I will never be able to gamble again.

Keep going and stay strong, well done on 46 days,

Suzanne xxx

Thanks Suzanne.

Day 46

I was in a real bad mood today, getting angry about things at work. In the past, I have went straight to nearest bookmaker and placed a bet to take my mind off things, that only gives me a new problem.

Day 47

I have been watching a couple of races on Channel 4 today. Picking out a couple of winners without placing a bet. I know I should not be doing this. I will need to be strong tomorrow when my favourite horse race is running. I know I will not have a bet as I I have shifted remaining funds around and do not have enough for a bet.

Day 48

Found a scrap of paper with all my debt calculations from around 3 months ago. I proabaly wrote them down after a gambling loss, as its the only time I get my finances in order. I have actually done very well, I feel a bit better about paying off debts and being bored for the last couple of months as my finances have improved.

I had been thinking one last winning punt would help me financially before I stopped for good at new year. Toxic thoughts I need to ignore completely.

As long as we abstain D our debts will go down.we do start to have real money to live on, it's the only safe way to win in every way.

Great going on 48 days, keep strong

Suzanne xxx

I have changed some of my Direct Debit payment dates. I do not like having to keep money in my current account for a while after payday. As a result, I had to shift funds I was keeping to pay bills, so I am not tempted. Down to last tenner in the bank, need to use CCs again for day-to-day basics.

Day 49

Not tempted today, probably because I do not have available funds for my typical bet.

Hanging around with some fellow gamblers 2mo. Going to amusement arcade to play pool. I have been known to gamble away a harmless tenner in nearby slots and then chase it back in the local bookmaker after friends have moved on. I will not gamble on the slots, they are a trigger, my friends know how to stop, I do not.

I said I would give online counselling a go on Day 50 which is 2mo :(. Not looking forward to Day 50 since I already cashed in my reward a little early :).

Hey D,

Recovery gives us rewards in very unusual,ways, :))) your reward to morrow is an amazing 50 days of being gamble free and winning, that is the real reward,,it really is a great milestone to reach, be very proud of yourself,

Looks like a challenging day tomorrow, but you are strong now, keep making that right choice and keep giving yourself real rewards by abstaining and maintaining.

You are doing great keep going and keep strong.

Suzanne xxx

hey degen 🙂 50 days well done mate, enjoy that game on your week off.

Adam

Thanks for your post and well done on 50 days
Cheryl x

Thanks all.

Day 51

Out shopping, went in bookmakers and made a selection in a race again, I did not place any money on the selection. I am fairly certain I would have gambled by now if I was not strong on paydays and moved all my money to accounts where its difficult to get at my cash. No more shopping anyway, I dont have money and too many bookmakers around them. Removing CCs from wallet.

Hey D it's not worth testing ourselves:))! The addiction will go along with that nicely, it will wait patiently and then pounce from nowhere, if you are testing your strength, good idea to get rid of all CC cards from wallet, why dangle a line, that can so easily be ripped apart

well done on realising that :)))

OAUs

Suzanne xxx

Interesting discussion in Chat today. Should the Lotto be considered as gambling? Obviously the Lotto is a gambling activity but a few people do not count it towards there number of days gambling free.

http://www.gamcare.org.uk/forum/reasons-not-play-lottery

I am going to get to 100 days gamble free (inc Lotto) but I may start spending £2 per draw on Lotto in the new year.

Hi,

I no longer do the Lottery and took this decision before my recovery started. I personally don't think it is "gambling" as such but it must be kept under serious control.

If you get a massive win remember "balvaird"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Best wishes