degenerate iv

Day 81

Still feeling effects of flu from last week. Not got too much planned this weekend. I should be able to avoid any gambling temptations.

Day 83

Waited an hour and a bit in the pouring rain for a bus, soaked to the bone, only to find the service does not run on Sundays at this time of year. On the lengthy walk home I past many warm looking betting establishments and was extremely tempted to go in and have a stupid bet.

Day 85

Logged into some gambling sites today to check I was still blocked. I was. Do not know why I bothered.

I have given up leaving a large amount of money in my account throughout the month. Money is making me have stupid thoughts. Used it to pay a large work expense and when I get the money back in a few days I will put it towards debts.

Day 87

Getting money 2mo. Going to put it all towards debts. I can use my CC to buy a few things till payday.

Day 88

Chat is giving me an unknown error when I enter my correct username and password.

No money this weekend. Expenses not paid on time.

Should be easy to stay gamble free. Should be pretty easy to be bored all weekend too.

Good news, I have money again. Bad news, I have money again.

Great going on 91 days D,

Good news about having money, keep that triangle broken:))) so your money goes to good use

Suzanne xxx

Thanks all. I am keeping the triangle broken. Money shifted towards debts already.

Cleared one of my debts in the process. Hopefully I can clear another one by the end of the month.

Day 93

Thought hard about popping some money in a fruit machine. I was eating nearby and I saw someone lose some money in the machine. All i could think about was having a little harmless bet. I have had a harmless bet in a fruit machine and ended up chasing losses all the way to local bookmakers and losing a very harmful amount of my money. Not this time.

A week till I reach my target.

Well done degen

​

Day 96

Looking at my actions recently, I am preparing for failure as I am doing what I used to do before a payday gamble. e.g Paying travel expenses for the month even though I am off work for week and a half and paying a few other bills so I dont need money at the end of the month. When I reach Day 100 I will have the feeling I have achieved something but its also payday so i will need to be strong.

Reading through some forum posts has been helpful. Realised I have been focusing too much on a target number of days and not addressing other problems. On Day 96, I dont feel much different to Day 1. Money is still a problem. I feel the need to spend money so I do not have it, I have accumualted some nice things I dont really need. Debts are down and thats great but having no money at the end of the month is still annoying.

Thanks for your post.

​Perhaps it's time to change your focus and ideas on what is important if your wish is to be happy. Money is nothing more than a symptom of your disease, it will work itself out if you stop gambling. But to stop gambling you need to create a life and a better relationship with both yourself and the world you live in so as to not need to keep running back into the arms of addiction. Easier said than done agreed but the only thing I have seen work long term

​

Actually, things are very different from Day 1. I have been walking past bookmakers without much of a second glance towards them when previously I would be going in to check every upcoming race for a decent bet. I have had money for most of the month instead of just payday, most people I know have limited cash at the end of the month and they dont have a gambling problem. Just feeling a bit down today i guess.

Hope you are feeling more positive today D,

97 days, be very proud of yourself, you have come further than you know :)))

Suzanne xxx