Deja vu,
I contemplated that solution to fix it almost daily for years. It wont fix anything.
Losing is a powerful emotion within addiction, it tells us that what we believe about ourselves is true, that we are losers. It doesnt have to always be this way. Your life could be different. Seek out professional help. Attend GA meetings & commit to them. Gambling is not your problem, life is. Gambling is your solution to the pain you feel, it is merely a symptom. There is help out there please go find it.
No gambling since being paid (28th). I've stayed on the straight and narrow although I still have a desire to gamble. I remember a time when that desire wasnt there, or maybe I was better at pushing and beating it down or just plain ignoring it. Now I feel worn out at the fighting and just want to give in but know that brings nothing but misery as well. Running out of options.
Keep strong and make sure you have not left even the tiniest hole open, these feelings will pass, every day you will become stronger as you starve the addiction,
Taking one day at a time, you can do this
Keep pushing through the negatives, the light is there, and you will see it slowly but surely.
Take care and keep safe.
Suzanne xxx
I try and play out in my head the ideal scenerio if I was a "successful" gambler. I would win millions, I would conquer the bookmakers by crunching all the numbers and stats. I would beat them through sheer brillance that would have them ban me left right and centre. I would be so good at predicting an undetermind outcome or pure randomness that I would be named the best gambler ever to walk the planet. So if that dream life planned out and happened that's my ultimate goal for a life? To win money and predict something that the bookmaker thought less likely than I did. Thats the best case scenerio and it doesnt sound that appealing to me. Thats the best I can do with my life?
Currently have someone else looking after my wage. They deposit so much a week that I get to live off. Gambled yesterday but able to make ends meet until Friday. If I had a large amount of money I would of done more damage so this is working to an extent. I can make it to Friday without gambling as long as I avoid the pub and the machines. No money in my account so no online gambling. Have just enough money for petrol to get into work and back.
No gambling since sunday but feel very angry. Feel like grabbing a knife and pushing it slowly into my chest. I am not too bothered when the anger is directed at myself, I get more upset when I direct it to the people around me. So far I have been able to stop myself from directing out and becoming too much of an ar$ehole and the people around me have escaped my wrath. People close to me generally know when something is going wrong with me as I act out this way, I dont have much character as someone with character doesnt start treating other people like muck if things arent going there way. One of my many flaws I try and work on and make better but I try and treat that as something other than recovery. Recovery I purely see as stopping gambling. I really dont like bundling together these other characters flaws and connecting them to gambling, they can be magnifed by gambling but they arent the cause of them.
Back on zero. I don’t get recovery, not sure I ever will. There is a big part of me that just says f**k it. Just keep going until the heart explodes and I become dust.
I feel like the hero in the big fight scene in an action movie. The hero and baddie duke it out, the baddie has the upper hand. The fight sees the bad guy hit the hero over a cliff. The hero manages to grab a hand onto the edge, slowly each finger slips away until a solitaire finger remains. Of course in the movies the hero always recovers and rescues himself, beats the baddie and gets the girl. Real life people fall to their deaths.
Gambled again on Tuesday but minimum finanical loss. The machines in the pub my downfall at the moment. Going to stay out the pub for awhile which will be hard as gambling and drinking are the only things I enjoy at the moment.
I think avoiding the pub is a wise choice in the early days of recovery.
Is someone still looking after your finances? If so that makes it a tad harder to gamble when you don't have easy access to cash.
Your dream of winning millions is one that gamblers have all had, it's pointless because that million wouldn't be enough, you'd want 1.5m or 2m, before long the bookies would have there 1m back and your be back to square one.
Continue to self exclude from bookies shops, you might think it's pointless but possibly try this ;
Keep a copy of your self exclusion form, anytime they allow you in a shop to gamble hand in the form again and embarrass them by allowing you in, if you don't want to do that, post it to there head office with a covering letter that they let you in to a shop stating the time and place, that person who allowed you will get a bollocking and won't let you in the next time.
I wish you well.
Just for today I will not gamble.
I dont dream of winning millions. Its never been about winning.
#19 ?
Yes. We are refering to the same post. I was acting out the supposed ideal situation and even if it was possible to come true, which it isnt, how totally empty and meaningless it is. Personally on a day to day basis, I dont dream of winning millions. I am still trying to work out what its really about for me but its never been about winning money.
Hit the pub and the machines Friday plus the bookies yesterday. Decided to stop drinking for 30 days in hope this will help with the gambling. So not just going the pub but total blanket quit. Not sure how those 30 days are going to be because I love drinking and dont go a couple of days without a proper drink. Expect to be miserable and cave in at some point. I will stay away from here until the 30 days are up or i've failed. So see you in a couple of days then, ha.
Oftentimes, when a person shows symptoms of an addiction to something, there are other problems at play in their mind. For the addiction to be treated, the other disorders also need to be addressed.
A webinar that focused on how to counsel the pathological gambler revealed other disorders that often co-exist with a gambling addiction. Dr. Jon Grant, Professor of Psychiatry & Behavioral Neuroscience at the University of Chicago and supervisor of an outpatient clinic for those with addictive-impulsive disorder, discussed other mental health disorders and other addictions that are associated with gambling addictions and offered ideas on how to treat those individuals.
When a Full House Can Wreck the Home
People start gambling for multiple reasons. Some enjoy the thrill, the risk-taking, and the power. Some, who feel isolated, use it as a way to feel social. Others use it as a way to relieve stress and anxiety or even to try to cure their depression. Yet, one addiction cannot properly heal another.
Gambling addictions are associated with multiple problems that weaken personal and family life:
•Poor physical health
•Poor mental health
•Losing a job
•Bankruptcy
•Criminal behavior
•Divorce
Sometimes those problems come before the gambling problem, driving the person to look for satisfaction in a dangerous venue if not controlled. Those who already suffer from a mental health disorder are more at risk for addiction when gambling. For others, the gambling addiction is the cause of the other family and personal problems that come later.
Addictive Behaviors Associated With Gambling
Those with gambling addictions also often suffer from substance abuse. Dr. Grant states that substance abuse is seven times greater in those who gamble. Nicotine and alcohol are the most commonly used substances.
Grant also mentioned that disorders with symptoms of being impulsive and risky were also frequently seen in those with gambling addictions. There were associations between individuals with gambling addiction and those who also had problems with impulsive shopping, stealing, eating, and sexual behavior.
Mental Health Problems Associated With Gambling
Pathological gambling has been associated with serious mental illnesses, sometimes as the cause and other times as the result of an untreated mental illness. Depression and anxiety are two of the most common mental illnesses associated with gambling addiction. Some hope that the roll of the dice or the spin of the slot machines can help them have some fun in life and help them relax. In reality, over time it often makes the depression and anxiety worse.
Dr. Grant revealed that 76 percent of a gambling addiction treatment group suffered from depression. Astoundingly, 16 to 40 percent of pathological gamblers suffered from lifetime anxiety. For some, the pressure becomes too great. The risk of suicide is higher in gamblers than non-gamblers.
Other mental illnesses associated with gambling are bipolar disorder and attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). Of a study group, 24 percent of pathological gamblers had a lifetime prevalence of bipolar disorder. Twenty percent had symptoms for a lifetime prevalence of ADHD.
Dr. Grant stresses that when treating those with a gambling addiction, all of their disorders should be identified and prioritized for treatment. Through methods such as medication, cognitive behavioral therapy, and support those with gambling addiction can find healing and become a winner for life.
Well things went ok for awhile but then it all came apart again like it always does. It doesnt seem to matter the length of time I have or haven't gambled, its all the same. 1 day, 10 days, a 100 days. The song remains the same. What I do now or go from here I dont know. GA doesnt work, CBT doesnt work. This place doesnt work. Maybe I dont want it too work and I am not sick of gambling but just losing.
I reckon I have maybe 20 years at best left on this planet.How do I want to spend the rest of my days? If I am honest and if I had the money I would do it gambling. That breaks my heart. That gambling is the pinnacle of my existence and that I have nothing else to give. At least its just me. No family, no wife and no kids. At least I am not taking anyone else down with me.
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