DГ©sormais......

Hi Ade.... this is the paradox isn't it. When compulsively gambling we are not in control of our finances so the logical solution is to deny ourselves access to our money... but do we want to do it, of course not! I remember when I went into rehab I fought tooth and nail to keep control of my money. I almost felt naked going out without money in my pocket. I felt stripped of my dignity. Money was everything. But it was the right thing at the time that they took control because I was sooo out of control.

To be honest Ade having been reading your posts since the beginning I can't see you handing over control of money to "others", but it is a good idea. But maybe you do have it within you to limit your access a bit. Just leave your cards at home, that sort of thing.

I think the other thing you can do is plan what your going to do after work, instead of going straight to the bookies. You know what I am going to suggest... anything exercise related. Its great for cycling at the moment. Go for a bike ride instead of the bookies. Anything is better than squandering your hard earn't money.

Anyway ya don't really need the likes of me saying this stuff. I do know how hard it is to make changes. keep working at it as I do the same. Regards... S.A

Thanks very much Rach and S.A for your supportive posts.

Feeling much much better today. Calm, level headed and quite relaxed, although still tinged with regret and remorse for my selfish behaviour.

That has gone now, and I can just enjoy the sun today and get through it without gambling. Back to ODAAT for sure.

Keep calm and carry on....

Ade ;0)

Keep posting Ade...it seems to work for you xxx

Ade, Oh the ups and downs of this strange and difficult journey mate.

Have just re-entered the forum once again myself, as despite some pretty good attempts I have also been unable to keep control.

I know that you have it in you to keep away from it and improve your life, and that this forum has the power to assist with that.

ODAAT indeed!!!

Weldy

Morning Ade.

Hope this finds you well.

Will post again soon when I've caught up with your diary.

Stay strong mate.

Gazza

Thanks for the supportive posts Rach, Weldy and Gazza.

Got through today without gambling. Doesn't sound much really, but to me it was a big thing. I have sadly struggled with constant urges to gamble lately and acted on them far far to much.

I have been weak willed and just d**n reckless.

So today (or Monday, as we have just entered Tuesday!) was a good day. Did not carry any cash and limited my chance of gambling. Not rocket science really is it?!...

I know that by putting a few days together like this for me will be habit forming in a positive way. I also know that I have managed four months without a bet in the past, and that was a good happy time for me.

I am also giving myself a major project in my garden over the coming months that will require not only my money, but lots of time and dedication to carry out. I am selling my daughters old playhouse and clearing the end of the garden. Then I plan to construct a steel welded pod like structure in it's place which will be clad in wood complete with bi-fold doors and decking. I am just drawing up the plans, and with a little help from a few friends and calling in a favour or two from a couple of others I should be able to get this outside living room project going soon.

This project will I hope channel my mind again and keep my focus on something positive as ultimately this 'pod room at the sunny end of the garden will be for my daughters and there friends as they grow up....

Gambling drains me of this creative side of my character, and I hate gambling with a passion for what it has done to me at times. But I can change that now by looking to the future and sticking two fingers up at my recent past. Warts and all, it is in the past.

Stay strong all

One day at a time I WILL do this....

Ade ;0)

Hey Ade

Your project sounds a great idea for the children although I have a sneaky suspicion that a bookcase,mini fridge,bed and tv may go in there as this could also double up as your "pad"...lol ....

I think the sad thing about this gambling is that is hijacks a persons talent and creative side as you rightly say.

My ex was brilliant at making things (aeronautical engineer)..would spend time constructing model remote control helicopters etc ...partly this was my attraction to him as he could do all that creative blokey stuff I had no patience for ...all that went and I spent 24 hours looking at the back of his head whilst he was rigged up to 4 tv screens online betting with spreadsheets and all that.

" I hate gambling with a passion"..really it's about turning that passion and attention elsewhere as you do. I know from the past when you have projects on the go you are always 100% better...and you and Libby used to keep each other focussed with what you were doing...I miss her.

I think a lot of people on here have many talents that get hijacked...my passion is singing but right now I'm hiding as my confidence is shot...this forum being my mode of expression with my "voice" ..lol

One day at a time...

Pod by day Pad by night ...lol.....I hope there will be fairy lights. Xx

Rach, thank you yet again for your supportive posts.

You really have helped me lately. Today has been yet more progress for me.

I have not carried cash again today. No fuel for the fire you could say.

That's 2 days in a row for me, or you could say another 'one day at a time', or you could just say it is a day without gambling.

However we chose to dress up or record our own personal recovery one thing is for sure. I feel so much better when I am in control.

I have structure and worth again. I seem to have to polar opposites to my personality at times. Never been bothered to seek professional help regarding this, but something tells me that the recurring story of relapses during my prolonged 'recovery' may be the result of these personality changes.

Anyway, that's all in the past....

Ade

Ade.

Fella good to read your in good spirits again.

Recovery is without doubt bespoke and the thing I gain most from the forum is to read of personal sucess.

Funny because whilst at it I could'nt give a hoot about anyone elses sucess in fact I loathed it, it was another tool in the blame game, that my losing was down to everyone else!!

My friend that triangle

Time-money-location

Take one away and the punt is impossible is as you say not rocket science but it does work.

To gift us time, time to enjoy the fruits of our efforts.

Fella this is what I thank you for sharing.

Ade won back his time.

we are all in the same position

Just for today.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Ade.

Thanks for your post.

I can only echo what's been said already.

For me I have limited funds. Most of my salary goes into a joint account I have no access to. What I have left pays for my everyday expenses plus debts etc.

If I do carry my card it is for a specific purpose. There is never enough in my account that could sustain the kind of bets that I placed- thank goodness!

Try and stick to what you are doing,hopefully this will work for you.

Best wishes mate,

Gazza

Morning all,

Thanks Duncs and Gazza for your supportive posts.

You two are key figures in my recovery as I was already here when you both started, yet you both have become my role models to recovery by the way you have abstained. I know I can join you both in beating this, maybe I just need to really want to and try that much harder...

4 days now for me without any real urge to gamble. Other things are filling my free time at the mo, and carrying little or no cash around has made a difference for sure.

Got my eldests school sports day this morning. Sun is shining and I am on top of my own little world.

Keep strong all

Ade ;0)

Hi Ade,

I havent been writing that much this week but, have been reading. I know your struggle because I struggle too. I believe we can do this. And, that everyday we get a little bit smarter and a little bit stronger. Being here, reading and writing on this diary. Belonging to this forum of support is huge in itself. I believe in you Ade. Stay strong and I will too. -joanxxx

Thanks for the support Joan.

Have had an enjoyable day today. I watched my eldest daughter take part in school sports day.

Worked in the afternoon.

Played with my kids when I got home in the paddling pool - great fun!! ;0)

And just got back from a night out saying farewell to one of the schools best loved teachers, who is moving on to bigger and better things at a leaving do.

Five days of no gambling now, and I am feeling that I am repairing my ways slowly.

I know that it is 'early doors' (as they say in football circles!), but I am no longer experiencing highs and lows as I did so often when gambling ruled my thoughts.

When I am detached from gambling, as I have been over the last five days, my life just seems so much better. So much simpler, so much easier and just 'normal'......

I am going to get through this weekend of sport without gambling and make it a full 7 day week without gambling. It will be tough with the golf on, but I will not weaken and cave in to temptation.

I am stronger than that.

Keeping strong

Ade

Another good recovery day for me yesterday.

Out all day with the kids at a place called Hobbledown - great fun was had by all.

Today is Day 7 for me. A whole full week. 7 days. A milestone of sorts. 7 days stuck together one by one.

However I say it, it sounds good to me. It is a long way from how I had been feeling prior to those 7 days. I was lost in repetetative relapse land, and could not find the way out.

I will remain upbeat and positive today, because I feel such a nicer person without gambling.

Only caught a bit of the golf coverage last night, and to be honest wasn't really interested or even regretful that I did not have a bet in-running on it.

I also popped out to get a few beers last night, which historically for me has always been a gambling opportunity window for a Saturday night gamble on anything that moves - boxing, football, dogs, etc, etc.....but I just don't need that S***e anymore. I just did not want to ruin what i've started. It would have been sooo easy to relapse, but this is what I will be dealing with on a daily basis from now on. Just hope that those habititual feelings relent over the passing of time.

Still not carrying excesses of cash around, which is helping too.

Keep strong all

Ade

Hi Ade,

This Hobbledown sounds a magical place like something from Harry Potter... :>)

Sounds like you are living life and having fun with the kids aswell which always makes us get things into perspective.

For different reasons I also do not carry much cash around . I also feel happier as my life is far simpler just getting what I need rather than consuming for the sake of it.

I shall now hobble down the stairs and make another round of toast..

R and D xx