DГ©sormais......

Thanks for the supportive posts folks.

Today I have just enjoyed a bike ride along the Thames with my 7 year-old daughter. Visited 2 parks along the way, a pub lunch and an ice cream to boot.

3 hours of just the two of us having some seriously quality time togrther. If I could bottle the feeling of the last 3 hours spent with my daughter I would, and bring it out every time the gambling demons come knocking at my door.

I have been on here far too long to be a bullsh*tter and feel that the truth is always best. "Honesty is the best policy", my dear old Dad used to say to me - god rest his soul.

The last week has been a return to old habits again for me. I cannot really offer up any one excuse or reason. Just a mixture of reasons, thoughts, anxiety and general weakness is the best way of trying to explain how I relapsed.

I have not lost financially in my last relapse, which as we all know doesn't really matter. I have been lucky. That is all it is at the end of the day - luck. Another time, or another relapse and I would be losing eventually that's for sure.

I have not gambled today, as I have explained earlier. I have enjoyed a nice time today. I know that I am struggling with my compulsion, and at times I feel like a fraud with relapse after relapse. I am never ready to give up financial control of my money to anyone else, and never ready to completely self-exclude from all the bookies in my area.

The door is always ajar for me to dip back into that fantasy world.

I may not post for a while as even writing this post is a struggle. Some posts I have read on other diaries have not helped me recently and although I cannot blame this totally for my relapse. It has been a contributing factor.

Thanks for listening

Bye for now

Ade

Yo,

I just wanted to send me my support .

No more to say other than try not to be so hard on yourself .

Take care my dear dear friend .

Shiny xxxx

Hey Ade

Just popping in to say that I'm guessing my reaction this last week to a thread was part of the reason..

All I will say is that if emotional posts like mine will always be are triggers for you I will not be offended in any way if you avoid my dairy and don't worry about reposting..

I also had my own slip as I thought I was further along the recovery line than I am ...I walk a fine line of being honest and also consideration for others..some days I get it wrong ...

I can't promise that I can always post positive stuff Ade as for my own recovery i cant go back to masking and faking and editing my life to make others feel better which is part of my illness ...so it's probably best we go on our own paths ..

Sincere wishes

R and D x

Ps ..

Just read Shinys post on my diary ..if its not me then that's ok...but If it is my last post was about protecting you from me! ..lol ..I am older by 2 yrs after all and should be wiser ..xxx

Yay!!..that'll serve me right for thinking I'm all important, powerful and godlike ...cos clearly if you go off your diary its all about me (not) heh heh heh xx..

Always glad to see you here Ade...still trying to control my emotions ( unsuccessfully) ..lol ...could be in for the long haul.

Xxx

Ade

Apologies if you feel a post on my diary was a factor in your relapse - I merely intended to record an event which was important in my own recovery but I could have worded it differently.

Having said that you have relapsed many times during your time on here ( as have I ). And I'd concur with the view of others who recently posted on my diary that whether it's something we read on the Forum, an advert in a newspaper or Tv or the numerous other potential triggers, it is up to the individual whether they act on it or not.

I have disagreed with posts on here in the past but have never attributed blame to anyone for me gambling - no one on here or anywhere else - anytime I gamble when not intending to it's my fault.

Best wishes and hope you get back on the right road for good.

Hi Ade,

I really feel uncomfortable now, thinking it was one of my recent posts on one of the diaries, could of trigger your relapse or urges. I sincerely appologise it that was the case.

It is hard to cope for me too, reading some diaries, but it falls down to me at the end of the day...i do struggle, it will never be easy, but i believe everyone here has got right to record their feels ...

I really wish you best of luck, you are strong person and no matter what way, i believe you will set yourself free...

Take care

Sandra x

Ade

my friend don't forget the doors revolve here.

There is and always will be a place for you.

Do what works for you, a bespoke plan that makes more days like the one you had yesterday.

Enjoyable for the right reasons.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Ade

Yes the post was edited by Gamcare staff and as I said I could have worded it differently, however referring to openly gambling on a site which supports controlled gambling shouldnt in itself be an issue.

As you aluded to before, perhaps best if you dont read my diary.

Best Wishes

Who’s the more foolish: the fool, or the fool who follows him?

"The future depends on what we do in the present."

It sure does Ade..

And also "thought creates matter" ...we are what we think.

So I'm well in the way to becoming a bitter twisted old bag lady who wears 12 cardigans...lol ..just kidding ...

Am guessing all is well with you .

R and D xx

Thanks Rach.

I think that it is far far better to ramble, than it is to gamble.

My life is so full at the moment that the sad sad gambling habit that controlled me for so long is not even getting close to the surface.

I took last week off work, and spent it all with my two daughters, just the 3 of us.

We did rock climbing, caving, bike rides, numerous trips to the park, swimming, cinema to see Smurfs 2 in 3D, trip to the Southbank up town for the day, more bike rides, hours in the garden on the zip-wire, they had friends round to play, etc, etc, etc......

Quality time spent doing quality things with my daughters. Money cannot buy that.

Had 2 days back at work, and now a trip to Cornwall is planned for a few days time. I feel energised and positive. No boredom or black clouds hanging around me at the moment.

I am in control.

Keeping strong, one day at a time.....

Ade (Rambler, not a gambler!) ;0)

I'd rather be rambling than gambling

Gambling's just too hard to do

It's chances not choices

A dark room no voices

A days just a thing to get through

Gamblings just too hard to do.......

😉

Sounds like the perfect week off work Ade...you are living the dream for sure ..

Keep Calm And Carry On Rambling ..lol

R and D xxx

Hi Ade

When I first came in here last year your diary really helped me. Unfortunately after a period of not gambling I started again. Same old story I thought one little gamble won't hurt and before I knew it gambling once again began to control me! Well no more! I realise as you do that we must always be on our guard and not to forget all the despair and destruction that gambling brings! Good to hear your doing such positive things with your family. That's what life's about.

Take care and keep strong

Forwards not back

Jewels