DГ©sormais......

Thanks for the supportive post Sandra.

Keeping strong and riding out a few small urges that came out of nowhere this evening. Brought on by stressful situation that nearly let to a relapse.

It was either gamble, drink or ride it out.

I chose the latter and logged onto chat for the first time in a long while.

I am pleased that I did, and now the stress and urge has gone.

Thanks for listening and enjoy the weekend all.

Ade

Ade,

That's it, that's the way to go:) i felt very similar today, but looks like we come out as a winners:)

Thanx for a chat and take care

Keep up the good fight

Sandra x

Hey Ade..

Also chuffed to see you are keeping connected . I think that's the key as I think all of us on here tend to isolate when we feel overwhelmed and go into our other cocoon worlds..

keep chatting xxx

R and D xx

Thankyou

L xx

Thanks for the posts ladies.

Sunday has started well. Sun is shining, playing with the kids and having quality time.

No gambling

Keep strong

Ade

Yesterday was a good day. A 'normal' day.

Relaxing in the morning at home with the girls, then lunch with a family friend visiting from Canada took up a large chunk of the afternoon.

Took my daughter to her swimming club early evening, then vedged out on the sofa with the tv.

Not a glimpse of gambling thoughts or urges getting in my day.

I wish that everyday was as easy as yesterday. I know that each day is different, and that gambling will always be around me in all different shapes and forms.

At present I am strong, and as Judy's diary title says..Progress not perfection...is how I would sum up my recovery at the moment.

Keep strong all

Ade

Hi Ade,

When i have those roller coster days and we know that they come im a bit like a squirral I try and store up and draw on the good days that i have had (like yours yesterday) to help me through the down days .

I say it all the time, each day we move away from gambling its like a warrior going into battle we are building up our body armour.

Keep going. Progress is beautiful, perfection never did exist.

take care

blondie x

Thanks for the supportive post Blondie - much appreciated.

Ade

Long time since I've posted, but feel a need to get back in control of my life regarding my recent unfortunate slip back into the vicious circle of repetative, pointless, compulsive, selfish gambling.

I have become complacent and the urges have been coming thick and fast over the last few weeks. I have chased losses and have lost more again. Gambling on the most pathetic pointless hopeful S***e that really is my downfall.

Deep down I know that this is a self-worth issue for me to battle with, and I know that I am a nice person. Unfortunately gambling changes me to a completely different being. I hate myself for putting gambling before other things in my life.

I will write more later, when I have more time. As I can already feel the benefit of typeing this out. I first visited this site in 2008 with a desire to beat this addiction. I have to go back to ODAAT today.

Keep strong all

Ade2 ;0)

Yo,

Hay mate sorry the battle got tough again, I relapsed myself very badly in March and still feel ashamed and guilty. So much so that I have not had the courage to come clean to those I need to.

all we can do is all we can do , just for today is enough .

Your friend as always ,

Shiny xxx

Thanks for the supportive post Shiny.

Getting through today is enough for now.....

Today has been a good day in recovery for me. Yesterday was pay day and I resisted the temptation to gamble with my hard earned cash for a change.

I did not listen to those little urges or voices in my head that beg me to cave in and feed my addiction.

Gambling has brought me only sadness and despair. It has left me feeling empty and worthless. It drains me, yet I have often returned after losses thinking my luck will change. It is so so very sad, that at the age of 45 I still have not quite figured out that this whole repetative episode of gambling, losing, chasing, losing, regretting, gambling, losing is just no good for me.

Abstaining for just today has made me feel slightly better. Mind you, I have to dip into my wages to pay some gambling debts before I get to carried away. Realisation of my mistakes and taking control of my life has to be my priority right now.

The bigger picture for me can look so much better if I can stay away from gambling and build up some self-esteem through this diary. Looking forward and not looking back is key once more for me. What's gone is gone. f**k it. I f*cked up and now I have to pick up the pieces and look myself in the mirror and like what I see again.

Moving forward, never back as a good friend of mine on here used to say. How I need to follow that advice now.....

Keeping strong

Ade

Ade

my dear old friend the doors to the recovery room revolve again,the truth is there is no limit to the amount of times you walk through,like all compulsive gamblers you are a fully paid up member.It is what you learn each time you seek recovery that is all important for me.

Today is a great day for you to take something back Ade,because you gifted so much to many other folks recovery mine very much included,the lesson you gave me my friend still hangs upon my kitchen door 'a bucket of balls and two beers' has become somewhat of a mantra for me fella,with each waking day I try to chip at least one new ball into my bucket!!

So again embrace your recovery,do what you need to do to take your own self worth from the hands of addiction and hold it agan in your possesion.

Maybe that DIY belt will get a dusting down??

To end I hope the family is well and your own health is in good hands.

Good to have you onboard fella

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back

Hi Ade,

Firstly good to see you back posting. Sorry to hear about your recent slip but you got back on track straight away and fighting the demon head on. Applause from me and as you know yourself recovery doors never close. This addiction is ongoing battle for life but as many of soldiers already mentioned, slips are part of recovery.

I am pleased to see you got back on even keel and let the blip go. Yes, you are right - today matters the most and abstaining today we allow ourselves to see better tomorrow.

Keep posting and get that strength back from like minded folks. As always, we are in this together and one soldier is not a soldier in a battle field.

Stay strong, positive and keep reaping the benefits recovery gifts you on a way.
Look after yourself

Sandra x

Thank you Duncs and Sandra for your supportive posts.

The support on here is great, and your welcoming words of advice and care remind me of the positive strength that can be found by regular diary posting.

Day 2 for me.

Keeping strong.

Thanks again

Ade