DГ©sormais......

Thanks for the supportive post Rob.

Another day off for me. Another visit to the doctors planned this morning. Hopefully get to the bottom of what is causing my recurring pain.

Recovery wise, I feel great. I am Mr Positive again, with a capital P.

Keep strong all

Ade ;0)

Hi Ade.

Mr Positive with a capital P great positivity.

Wishing you well on your recovery and keep being MR POSITIVE the addiction hates that.

Best wishes

Suzanne xx

Thanks for the supportive post Suzanne.

Been signed off for a week by the doctor. Chest x-ray results showed no sign of suspected pleurisy and current chest pains are not cardiac related. Instead the diagnosis is a Musculoskeletal chest injury that my doctor treated with acupuncture, which was a first for me, having a large pin stuck in my chest!! More painkillers and more rest......

Keep strong all

Ade

Morning diary,

Feeling quite chilled this morning, painkillers are kicking in after this mornings usual early morning agony. Daughter successfully dropped off at school, back home for tea and toast and yet more rest.

Been thinking a lot about my current situation with regard to stopping gambling, and I know that historically I have done this quite a few times. Stopped that is. It's the staying stopped that has always been my downfall.

At present (and I can only deal with the here and now), I feel extremely good about my recovery. Albeit only 8 days in, but I have lost the despair feeling that used to greet me most mornings, as I reflected on the previous evenings misery from a big loss. The almost robotic instant feeling of planning the next days punt to recoup the losses of the day before. That whole cycle of destruction had become the norm for me. It's good for me to remember these feelings and old habits, to enable me to move forward and not want to feel like that over and over again. I will not dwell on it, just warn myself that I always previously slipped back to gambling once I felt like it was somehow ok to do so.

I always found a way of making it alright to go back and dip my toe in to the gambling waters, thinking that I was stronger now and that I would be able to control/limit my gambling. It never works/worked for me. It doesn't take long before I'm right back in deep, wishing myself away from the sad despair that only gambling can bring...

This time my decision to come back and start this journal is made through determination and the desire to be better than the shadow of myself that I had become. I can stand tall and accept that fact that I am a compulsive gambler, deal with it and move forward to positively make my life better. I need to treat my affliction with much respect, because I had it bad. I no longer want to feel sick to the pit of my stomach as I walk out of a bookies with empty pockets, after having s***k*d ££££'s. Trudge back to my car, shut the door, punch the steering wheel and shout in frustration at what a wa*ker I have just been....

What the f**k was I doing every lunchtime and evening? Why had I felt the need to rush to the bookies to bet on cartoon races and South African horse racing? Even when I won it was always short lived success....

I don't need that sad stupid escape from the daily grind anymore. I'd rather do other more enjoyable things in life. This is my epiphany. This is the time for me to say no more gambling, and no more self-pity. I have a life without gambling and I need to open my eyes to it.

Keep strong all

Ade

Take a little time to read this story, it makes sense no matter who you are!!

A Mayonnaise Jar and Two Beers

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 beers story.
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked his students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook it lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the gold balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous ‘yes’.
The professor then produced 2 beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space. The students laughed. ‘Now,’ said the professor as the laughter subsided, ‘I want you to recognise that this jar represents your life.

The golf balls are the important things - your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favourite passions - and if everything else was lost and they remained, your life would still be full.
The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.
The sand is everything else - the small stuff.’

‘If you put the sand into the jar first,’ he continued, ‘there is no room left for the pebbles or golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit your grandparents. Take time to get medical check- ups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposals. Take care of the golf balls first - the things that really matter. Set your priorities ... The rest is just sand.

One of the students raised her hand and enquired what the beer represented...

The professor smiled and said, ‘I’m glad you asked. The beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there is always room for a couple of beers with a friend.’

Ade

Ade too true, that despair of your head bubbling over with the adrelin rush I thought of it earlier this evening and I just felt life was better today.

Thanks for the post Michael.

Well that's now 10 days without gambling. Feeling good. ;0)

Keep strong all

Ade

Hi Ade,

Great to see you in such high spirits and may long it continue. Sounds like health is picking up also which is always good to see.

your last post about the jar really made so much sense, thank you for sharing 🙂

keep up the good work and stay safe.

(PPs. Hate typing on this tablet, so excuse big spaces lol)

S x

Thanks for the post Sandra,

Today was a good day, if a little dull as still off work. But I have time on my hands and I have not had one urge to gamble. Progress.

One day at a time for me. So glad I came back and dusted off my old diary.

Keep strong all

Ade

Hi Ade,

Another day to make the most of.
Stay positive and determined, and you are right this place does help to navigate through good or not so good days.

Stay connected and sound

Have a lovely day

Sandra x

Thanks for dropping in on my diary again Sandra.

A good start to the day, feeling slightly better today. Chest pain easing off with the help of my daily dose of 8 painkillers.

Put the christmas lights up outside and the tree is decorated. My daughters love putting the lights and baubles on the tree. A fun time is had by us all and such a nice way to spend the morning.

Saturday has always historically for me been a tough day when it comes to recovery. Right now however, I seem to be stronger than ever and have no inkling to have a bet. It's something that I always ponder about writing on my diary. Do I have to remind myself of this fact? Or is it better to just leave it at the back of my mind and not air it on my diary?....

Either way, I feel that I am making progress. And I can change my behavioural traits for new ones with determination and focus. The whole feel of today for me is not focused around the football fixtures and random Horses (real and sadly virtual!) as it has mainly been in the past. It is focused instead on my family life and just doing 'normal' things. No High highs or low lows for me, just normal will do.

Keep strong all

Ade

Feeling good today.

Keeping strong after 12 constructive positive days of recovery.

Ade

Well done on getting 12 days not easy but worth it

Thanks Michael for your continued supportive posts - much appreciated.

And hello again NT! Thanks for the post.

Keep strong all

Ade

Well that's another day without gambling, and the end of a 2nd gamble-free weekend since I pulled my head out of my a*se and faced up to my compulsive gambling addiction.

I have made a positive choice to not gamble any more. My strength is growing by the day and I feel so much better than I did this time 2 weeks ago. No desire to gamble, no anxiety, no mood swings, no stress, no excuse to bet, no money lost. All positives in my eyes.

Keeping strong

Ade

Good work Ade. Keep soldiering on we can beat this together man!