DГ©sormais......

Day 18 today.

My recovery from the desperate state that I got myself into is going well.

My self-worth and self-esteem has returned, as well as the focus for doing the right thing. For far too long I focused on all the sand in my life, instead of the golfballs.

Today I took my youngest daughter to Gymnastics Club, then went to collect my Mum from the tube station as she has come to spend the day with us. We Have just had lunch and now my daughter and my Mum are in the playroom forming a piano and recorder duet that sounds quite pleasing to the ear! Although, a bit more practice may be required!! ;0)

I am also realising the true value of this recovery diary to me, and the help and support that I get along the way, as well as the support I can offer to others.

There was a time when a Saturday, just meant gambling, gambling and gambling some more.....

Those days are gone.

Keep strong all

Ade

Hi ade,

Well done to you on 18 days, you are doing it,

Enjoy your gambling free weekend, by abstaining and therefore winning.

Suzanne xx

Morning Ade

Just wanted to say a big thank you for your support yesterday,without the diary and your response I feel sure a relapse was on the cards.I'm only a week behind you and I honestly hope it stays that way.

In appreciation Dino

Thanks NT, Suzanne and Dino for your supportive posts.

Another good day for me. Christmas shopping and now relaxing with my two little Golf balls watching a film....... life is soooo much better without gambling s******g it up..... ;0)

Keep strong all

Ade

Was just trawling back through my diary to remember parts of my journey that I may have forgot and I stumbled across this old post of mine about how to stop gambling that I found on another web-site........... Quite an interesting read I thought.....

First of all realize you could hear all the right things, get the best advice possible, have all the help you need, and if you're not 100% truly committed to giving up gambling within yourself there's still a high chance you're going to end up continuing gambling. So the most important thing is that you totally apply yourself mentally to being determined to actually give it up ok. That's imperative.

Now you have to switch off from this impulsive mind with a flurry of thoughts you know like ''if only i did this, if only i bet on them, i was close this time, i used to win i probably just got sloppy, if i study the form etc harder then i'd be winning, i'll train my brain to keep control if i lose then i'll begin to win on average''
Switch straight off from all these thoughts, they are totally irrational, addictive needs outweighing everything else. and it's your mind trying to force yourself to believe that you can almost change the past in the future. There will just be different 'reasons'

You begin to want to stop but you cannot pull out right? because you're down or you just want 1 more go, or whatever.

If you can envision 2-3 years ahead you haven't gave up, you're losing everything you make, you've got nothing left, you feel depressed like you've wasted valuable years of your life, you've let everyone close to you down, you don't feel like you can recover...right then you can cry you can be even suicidal...your ego is crushed.

In your mind right now you think this place owes you money and you want it back.. but somewhere inside you, you know there's a much bigger chance you're going to lose a lot more trying to get it back. It's hard to say it's gone, but it is. Let it go. Don't even think i'll work and now im getting some back. Just let it go. Totally wipe it out. Mistake happened..money gone. Over. Start fresh.

You see you feel weak when you lose, helpless yes. How do you turn a weakness into a positive? overcoming a weakness makes you strong. That will restore your ego. The weakness is not being undisciplined... it's allowing yourself to gamble when you know you're more than likely going to lose. Let me put this scenario you win all your money back...however you try to brainwash yourself into contemplating this scenario, if you win your money back you're not gonna feel strong not 1 bit, you're gonna maybe have 1-2 days where you sorta celebrate think you're done, before you feel weak and like you need to gamble again, and you won before you can win again, and you're ok for money now so if you lose a bit you'll keep your head....trust me 1 week later it'll be all gone again.

If you overcome the weakness that means not gambling getting on with life you will be stronger better and your ego will return to where it should be, and you can look back at this horrible predicament you was in and think im so glad im not there and not going to return.

There is barely anyone out there who actually makes a worthwhile income from gambling, Just bookies & Casino's and maybe a handful of poker players.

Have you ever been losing a lot, say you got 40 a left...you know you're going to lose it 99% and you're already desperate depressed, but you basically throw it away anyway?

It becomes self hating, you almost hate yourself. So you punish yourself, if you had just 10 left at that time, and you could buy McDonald's and you're hungry, but instead you throw it away knowing you weren't going to win and if you did you were going to gamble that anyway(may or may not apply to you this i don't know) But you do begin to punish yourself.

So here you have to look at it, you're a human ok. All humans make mistakes. And a lot of humans suffer at some point in their life with an addiction. You have to forgive yourself. There's a lot of people with gambling problems...you're not here because you're undisciplined you can be as disciplined as you like you're still going to lose, being undisciplined Just means you lose money quicker.

Whatever your issues, personal problems, or confidence issues sort them out in other ways..gambling is not a solution, a cure or a friend..it'll bring you down keep and you down

gambling is the easy option the weak option it makes you weak...but doing the right thing however hard it is, is what makes you stronger. And you know yourself you don't really want to do it, and know it is not going to work out no matter what. Remember don't punish yourself.

Keep strong all

Ade

Ade

fella great to see again you bring a wealth of great advice and support to the forum.

For it you should be very proud.

Keep making the right choice,most of all my dear friend Enjoy it.

Duncs stepping forward never back

Great last post Ade. I can relate to every single word. Thanks for sharing.

i got through another hurdle this weekend. Out with friends and managed to completely avoid and reject any visits to a casino. The first real test and probably the biggest.

Have a great week Ade

Rob

Hi Ade,

Thanks for your comment on my post .... It means a lot xx

Thank you Duncs, Rob and Jane for your supportive posts.

My recovery is going really well at present, and thanks to the support on this site my strength and determination is growing each day.

Keep strong all

Ade

Ade, welcome back, I've missed you!!!

You, Dunc and NT were there for me at the start of my recovery and I thank you for that. 33 months ago I finally admitted to having enough of the lies and cover -ups that compulsive gambling brings, normal life is hard enough without any additional worries.

Glad to see you back here, I wish you well. Stay strong mate and keep in touch. gazza

Thanks for the supportive posts Gazza and NT,

20 days without gambling or any urge or desire to gamble. My head is well and truely screwed back on now!!

Golf balls being looked after and life is good ;0)

Keep strong all

Ade

Hi Ade,

Just coming by to congratulate you on another g free day and to wish you continued strength, determination and belief going forward.

Life is for living and you're doing just that 🙂 be very proud!

Sandra xxxx

Thanks for your post Sandra.

21 days, or 3 weeks. However you say it, it sounds good to me!

Onwards and upwards

Ade

Thanks for the post NT.

Day 23 for me and still going strong.

Got nice Christmas bonus coming in tomorrows pay packet.

All good.

Keep strong all

Ade

Another busy day at work and all is good with the world. Off home in a bit to take my youngest to Brownies, then have a relaxing evening chilling out with my feet up and a cold beer or two.

Feeling quite good about my recovery, just drifting along on an even keel. No highs or lows, just nice and steady.

Pay day tomorrow, with the added Christmas bonus to come too. All Christmas presents bought and a weekend planned with some diy and leisure time to fit in.

Simple pleasures are now being magnified in my life like never before, now that I am thinking clearer on a daily basis. I no longer feel stressed and anxious. The anxiety I felt whilst gambling pretty much became my normal state, and unfortunately took over much of my personality. I kind of feel a bit cheated by that, like I have lost out in some way or another. I guess that that is what gambling addictively can do to you. My compulsive nature is still there sometimes, but not in a gambling sense. In other ways I am aware of it though.....

All in all I am moving forwards and still taking 'one day at a time'. Positivity is infectious, and now that I have my positivity back, my self-esteem and self worth have returned to give me confidence once again.

Thanks for listening

Keep strong all

Ade ;0)