DГ©sormais......

My 37th day of recovery starts as a new year dawns. I am in reflective, yet positive mood as I write.

I knew that I needed to change something in my life, back at the end of November when my ridiculous gambling habits had reached such patheticly low levels that for me, enough really was enough.

I know now, that looking at my own personal situation without my gambling goggles on, is a completely different perspective to the one that I was enduring whilst in the sad repetative cycle of gambling addiction.

I really hope that I can move away from gambling and everything asssociated with it, and indeed this recovery diary eventually, once I feel as though I am strong enough to do so. Recovery is bespoke. I realise that, each day I log on here, and see the different journeys that people are taking day by day.

I think I have posted every day since I came back to this forum, and I know I will not be able to keep that up. There will come a time when I drift away. There will be a test there for me. Not just a test of pulling away from my recovery diary, but also because this recovery diary has also in a way, replaced the gambling habit as my new addiction.

Posting support to others is not always reciprocated. Sometimes support and advice comes at times when you least expect it. At times you can feel so alone, and at others so loved by others that it can bring you to tears.

I know that my own recovery requires the support and posts of others at times. I put a lot of work into building, or trying to build friendships and relationships with fellow posters. As I am a firm believer in strength in numbers when trying to beat this addiction.

I'd like to thank anyone who has posted on my diary from the bottom of my heart. Because I know that these people would have taken time to read my posts, and build a picture of my dire situation. What they also do, is help to change that dire situation into where I am right now. Feeling great about myself. Feeling positive and above all not wanting or needing to gamble.

I love trying to help people on here too. It's hard at times, as we all have to concentrate on ourselves. But the new, young members of this forum are identifying that they have a gambling problem at a far younger age than I ever did, and I feel like I want to steer them as far away as possible from the S***e world of gambling.

It's so much easier to gamble now, than it was 25 years ago. I just want to help these young vulnerable newcomers so much....

Keep strong for 2015 all.

Ade ;0)

Happy New Year Ade 🙂

This post resonates with me! I too have replaced my gambling with other addictions (currently being here) but I am not afraid as this one also gives me the strength to keep me in recovery & no one here has expectations of anything from strangers which is why it's such a luxury to have people come out & voice support.

I have witnessed you proferring invaluable advice & support to many but you must put yourself 1st now that you are well on your way to recovery & only come here when you feel like it! Don't be afraid to leave the newcomers to people who are @ different points in their recovery, everyone who needs it gets looked after on here 🙂

Keep strong yourself & always do what's right for you - ODAAT

Thanks ODAAT and NT,

Day 38 without gambling and back to work later today.

Posiitvity and strength are leading me into the new year like never before.

Interestingly I have enjoyed a hell of a lot of sport over the Christmas break (especially football), without the desire to gamble on the outcome.

Keeping strong

Ade

Hi Ade,

38 days very well done, and you are sooo much more positive now.

Suzanne xx

Hi Ade,

Thanks for making me laugh lol.

Xxxxxxxx

Suzanne xxx

Thanks for the posts Suzanne - much appreciated.

Quite enjoyed being back at work today. Looking forward to the weekend too. Taking my 78 year-old father-in-law to Fulham V Wolves tomorrow for a late Christmas treat. Mind you, I'm not sure he'll see it that way, as his beloved Cottagers have been pretty dire this season!

Still it's nice to take him out for the day and say thanks for all he does for us throughout the year, ferrying the kids about after school and just being a cracking Grandad in general. I have absolutely no fear about gambling tomorrow while I am out, but just thought I'd remind myself about this by posting it in my diary, as football matches are a dangerous place for a re-forming compulsive gambler - I should know! Especially one that is sponsored by a betting company too...

Still, I am calm, content and feeling great about things in general at present. So why would I want to mess all that up by drifting back to gambling? It's a no brainer really. But one I felt needed discussing with my diary...oh and you of course!! ;0)

Tickets are quite reasonable tomorrow too, for an f.A cup game £20 for me, and £10 for the old codger! A pint or two before the game and hopefully the right result and a good day will be had for sure. Now that really is a good way to spend a Saturday. Much better than how I described my old Saturday scenario in a previous post....

These diaries really are great for a ramble. Still, as someone once said on here...."It's far better to ramble, than it is to gamble".....

Keep strong all

Ade

Thanks NT,

A few quotes for anyone who is in need of inspiration:

Knowledge.
"Acquire new knowledge whilst thinking over the old, and you may become a teacher of others".
Confucius

Change
"Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything"
George Bernard Shaw

Strength
"Each time we face our fear we gain strength, courage and confidence in the doing".
Anonymous

Discover
"You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him discover it for himself".
Galileo Galilei

and my personal favourite........

Journey
"It is good to have an end to journey towards; but it is the journey that matters, in the end".
Ursula K LeGuin

Keep strong all

Ade

Hi Ade,

A very nice set of quotes there, I particularly like the one from Ursula LeGuin. She was one of the authors my dad got me to read when I was younger, and although she was a little more difficult than some of the more simply written fantasy stuff, she was a very good author.

Good luck for your FA Cup game tomorrow, hopefully you find it better without the shadow of gambling floating over you. Personally I'm in work for my first shift of 2015, so I'll be following the scores on the BBC website.

All the best

Ryan

Thanks for the post Ryan.

Day 39 navigated successfully. Football was garbage. Two very poor sides indeed.

Keep strong all

Ade

40 days and going strong....

Ade

Lovely, inspiring quotations. Thank you.

Congratulations on 40 days. Now hit your half-century.

Ade, glad to read you are doing well. Continued best wishes,

gazza

Thanks Pellekanin and Gazza for your posts.

Day 41 and still feeling really strong. My determination is growing by the day.

Keep strong all

Ade

Hi Ade,

That's good to read, your determination is getting stronger by the day, and 41 days is great going.

Suzanne xx

Thanks for the supportive post Suzanne - much appreciated indeed....

42 days since I stopped the destructive gambling. 6 weeks of recovery under my belt, and it feels great.

I Was just trawling back through my diary to remember parts of my journey that I may have forgot and I stumbled across this old post of mine about how to stop gambling that I found on another web-site........... Quite an interesting read I thought.....

First of all, realise you could hear all the right things, get all the best advice possible, have all the help you need, BUT if you're not 100% truly committed to giving up gambling within yourself there's still a high chance you're going to end up continuing gambling. So the most important thing is that you TOTALLY apply yourself mentally to being determined to actually give it up ok. That's imperative.

Now you have to switch off from this impulsive mind with a flurry of thoughts you know like ''if only i did this, if only i bet on them, i was close this time, i used to win i probably just got sloppy, if i study the form etc harder then i'd be winning, i'll train my brain to keep control if i lose then i'll begin to win on average''
Switch straight off from all these thoughts, they are totally irrational, addictive needs outweighing everything else. and it's your mind trying to force yourself to believe that you can almost change the past in the future. There will just be different 'reasons'

You begin to want to stop but you cannot pull out right? because you're down or you just want 1 more go, or whatever.

If you can envisage 2-3 years ahead, you haven't given up, you're losing everything you make, you've got nothing left, you feel depressed like you've wasted valuable years of your life, you've let everyone close to you down, you don't feel like you can recover...right then you can cry you can be even suicidal...your ego is crushed.

In your mind right now you think this place owes you money and you want it back.. but somewhere inside you, you know there's a much bigger chance you're going to lose a lot more trying to get it back. It's hard to say it's gone, but it is. Let it go. Don't even think i'll work and now im getting some back. Just let it go. Totally wipe it out. Mistake happened..money gone. Over. Start fresh.

You see you feel weak when you lose, helpless yes. How do you turn a weakness into a positive? overcoming a weakness makes you strong. That will restore your ego. The weakness is not being undisciplined... it's allowing yourself to gamble when you know you're more than likely going to lose. Let me put this scenario, you win all your money back...however you try to brainwash yourself into contemplating this scenario, if you win your money back you're not gonna feel strong not one bit, you're gonna maybe have 1-2 days where you sort of celebrate and think you're done, before you feel weak and like you need to gamble again, and you won before you can win again, and you're ok for money now so if you lose a bit you'll keep your head....trust me 1 week later it'll be all gone again.

If you overcome the weakness that means not gambling getting on with life you will be stronger better and your ego will return to where it should be, and you can look back at this horrible predicament you was in and think im so glad im not there and not going to return.

There is barely anyone out there who actually makes a worthwhile income from gambling, Just bookies & Casino's and maybe a handful of poker players.

Have you ever been losing a lot, say you've got 40 a left...you know you're going to lose it 99% and you're already desperate depressed, but you basically throw it away anyway?

It becomes self hating, you almost hate yourself. So you punish yourself, if you had just 10 left at that time, and you could buy something to eat, and you're hungry, but instead you throw it away knowing you weren't going to win and if you did you were going to gamble that anyway(may or may not apply to you this i don't know) But you do begin to punish yourself.

So here you have to look at it, you're a human ok. All humans make mistakes. And a lot of humans suffer at some point in their life with an addiction. You have to forgive yourself. There's a lot of people with gambling problems...you're not here because you're undisciplined you can be as disciplined as you like you're still going to lose, being undisciplined Just means you lose money quicker.

Whatever your issues, personal problems, or confidence issues, sort them out in other ways..gambling is NOT a solution, a cure or a friend..it'll bring you down keep and you down

gambling is the easy option the weak option it makes you weak...but doing the right thing however hard it is, is what makes you stronger. And you know yourself you don't really want to do it, and know it is not going to work out no matter what. Remember don't punish yourself.

Keep strong all

Ade