Diary 1st entry, Repeatedly letting down everyone who has supported me.....one day ill lose everything

Still here, NI.

All is well with me. I'm enjoying your posts.

Speak soon

mm

Hi NIboy

Muzza may have lost today but each day we don't gamble we all win, including those close to us.

I love and have played most sports but golf was never for me. I could swing a club in a fashion but 9 holes was always enough for me. Thinking about it now I wonder if that had anything to do with the fact I could have been in the bookies instead mashing my brain.

Keep up the good work mate

LA

Hey MM

Great to hear from you mate 🙂 Ill keep posting!!

Looking Ahead

Never too old to start playing golf....its a game of every generation sir!

Well this weekend SUCKED

No golf

Spurs lost

Murray Lost

I often find that either all my sporting loves win (including my own playing) or they all lose

Theres never any in between, and it does generally determine how good my weekend is!

Ironic that when i was in my early to mid 20s my weekends sucess was determined by how the two nights out were and if i had managed to pull a hot girl!

How times change, i couldnt be bothered with pubs and clubs these days, just a comfy chair and a good movie with the gf followed by a Sunday full of sport is what i crave!

Another thing i cant stop craving is poker

I miss it ALOT, im not going to lie. Ive avoided cracking under the pressure but it is tough.

Poker hasnt got me into this current dire financial situation, slot machines but im not going to sit and say the poker has helped

Its been many years since i played with thousands on credit cards that i didnt have.

The porblem with poker for me is that its not a machine. Its a game of thought (and luck) and i always enjoyed it and rarely got mad at it

Where as with slots i just pounded them till they beat me then i hated them and never wanted to touch them again....for a while

With poker i never got sick of it....i just stopped playing it for a LONG time

Anyway im not caving under the pressure, ive been reading diaries and trying to rememeber why im stopping and its helped.

Days 15 and 16 safely negociated.

No one said this was going to be easy.....

Hey Everyone

Excuse this post but its bascially a rant about how difficult im finding life right now!

Im trying to fight a gambling addiction, which is rubbish at the best of times, but the other things in my life make it so much more difficult.

For the last 14 months my gf and i have been saving for a house deposit

We have £12/13k currently which in Northern Ireland is easily a 10% deposit with some great 3 bedroom smei detached houses up for between £100-£120k

My gf has her heart set on a house this year but as i explained to her lately my debt management plan is going to put a big spanner in the works on getting it

She understood that it might be a stumbling block but said not to rule out being accepted for a morgage whilst on it.

I know its basically not possible cause they will want about a 30% depost and put us on a crazy fixed rate morgage because im a liabilty with my debts.

So i discussed with her recently that i could make a lump sum settlement offer to my creditors to pay half the debt (10.5k) and have the rest written off

1 of the 3 creditors have agreed that deal but the other 2 (run by 1 compnay) have only offered a 10% discount currently

So im waiting until a deal an (hopefully and theres no guarentee) can be battered out

My gf keeps showing me potential houses and thinks we should go see about a morgage but also knows i will have to give 5.5k of our savings to clear the DMP if i can agree a deal

So although she accepts that this is the case she still shows me houses and hints we should enquire even though its really not a possiblity!

On top of that i dont want to producing 3 months bank statements to any advisor because my accounts will look rather ridiculous after the gambling binges of december and november!

I wouldnt be able to show 3 months statemnets until about july as jan feb and march statements are going to be unexplainable!

On top of that she desperately wants an enagagement ring. Shes not picky, she doesnt want more than £800 spent and its amazing that she wants to commit her future to me.

However she hates surprises and thinks im just going to agree to go...lets get engaged and go and choose a ring. I have clearly stated thats not how i see an enagement, ill do it in a nice way and it will be a surprise....when im ready.

I know she just wants some commitment because of her disappointment that we most likely wont get our house this year.

Again its amazing i have someone who wants me for who i am but of course i have had lapses that i cant reveal and im trying to go clean here to get my life ready to make morgage applications and the such

Its all so hard to deal with, juggling money to make debts meet, bat off engagement hints and house disappointment......my head hurts at the end of most days!

I wish it was all easier and i hadnt made the mistakes i have and i would have all these things

But as i tell my wonderful gf theres no point in looking back cause nothing will change.

Her disappointment makes me disappointed and feel cr** for not being able to provide what i should be able to

Anyway i just wanted to write that all down to get it off my chest, cause its all in my head and frustrating me greatly

First of all, the huge positive from your post, is you are not gambling. It would be so easy to cave in and hide from the world in front of a screen plowing money into the problem. I've been close to that a few times when faced with my finances. We have to be strong.

You should also be really proud that, , despite everything, you have been able to save so much. You obviously care about your girlfriend and your future to have managed that.

I wonder if you are working out your finances yourself or if you have taken professional advice? Some formal debt solutions can affect applications for other credit for several years after you get debt free. I'd hate for you to get a nasty surprise later which might jeopardise your recovery or future plans.

Take care. Here's to another day gamble free.

Hey Paige

Thanks for your positive post, i appreciate that 🙂

Im in a debt management plan so the debts are all rolled into one and interest frozen

If i can settle with a lump sum itll still be on my credit rating but that wont bother me too much, as long as its gone.

When it is gone out of £1450 a month i have my phone bill (£30) coming out and thats it so with £1410 disposable income and no other bills. No car bills, no rent bills, no other bills at all.

im confident that ill appear reasonably attractive to one of the potential morgage lenders.

Well i hope so anyway, if not at least ill have got rid of my debt and i can have a clear concience that ive dealt with it after spending so many years getting into the mess i am currently in!

Day 17 gambling free

Hooray!

Congratulations on another gamble free day. I'm no expert but it sounds to me like you are taking all the correct, positive steps forward. I feel so much stronger with the support on here. I hope you do too. Have a great, gamble free day.

What state is your credit rating in? I am just thinking ahead to when you need to get a mortgage. You do not want your debts to mess up your mortgage application.

Nlboy worried about you pal..........

Hope your ok

Nilboy,

You around? Would be goid to hear from you.

Paige

Also please forgive predictive text whuch wants to put an I in your user name! x

Are you okay? If you need support, we are all here to help.

Hey All

First of all i would like to apologise for my absence, you will be very glad to hear that it was not gambling related.

I am 28 days gamble free today:)

I was getting serious gambling urges and i remember the last time i chose to stop gambling by myself (as opposed to being bailed out) that i posted reguarly on the site and it was great for 2 or 3 weeks.

But after that period i felt that coming on every day kept reminding me about gambling instead of it drifting our of my head and thinking about other things

I felt like the same thing was happening and by posting every day i was thinking about gambling everyday so i gave myself a break.

I dont know if that sounds silly but it just felt like the right thing to do.

I have also got paid since i last posted and i have paid quite a few bills and working my debt down

I have also bought an....enagagement ring

Thanks to the help of my dad (paid him £300 of the £1000 and then the rest in monthly installments over the next 4 months

I have wanted to do this for a while but i felt while i was gambling it was not the right thing to do, but now im feeling strong and i cant keep putting off my gfs happiness due to my selfishness so i want after 3 and a half years together and saving hard for a house...for us to be commited to our future.

Shes my future and not gambling HAS to be my future.

Anyways i hope everyone is well, i will post on some threads in the next couple of nights!

R

Hey NIboy

Congratulations on buying the engagement ring, have you proposed yet? What a wonderful surprise that will be for your gf, I am really pleased for you both.

I can completely relate to your reasons why you never felt it right to buy one before whilst you were gambling.

Looking through these diaries everyone uses their own to help themselves in the best way that suits them, so if you don't feel like posting because you feel it starts your mind off with gambling thoughts then so be it. Keep in touch though and don't let complacency come a calling, keep giving it a whack with a blinkin big stick!

Stay strong mate and congratulations once again.

LA

I just rang my gfs father to ask his permission to ask to marry to her tomorrow during our break away at a spa resort

He said

"Yes but on one condition, that you ensure you don't GAMBLE her future away, seriously do not gamble her future"

To this day my gf has always said how she has never told anyone, as recently as Sunday she said how she never was able to tell anyone

It appears that wasn't the case

I feel like someone has just knifed me in the stomach, I wasn't expecting that

This wasn't how I planned engagement chat with her father to be

That was a horrible experience

**** my life