Done it AGAIN!!!!

Hi Tina,

Some folk sadly have to reach their rock bottom, before they can turn that corner, but it can be done, my OH kept bailing me out time and time again, to be honest for me, every time he bailed me out it was for me more tokens, to gamble again, once we have starved ourselves with money, then we can start to starve the addiction.

My last time my OH refused to bail me out (thank goodness) and he said our relationship,was over, he could not take anymore, and yes it was horrible for a couple of weeks, but he did come round, I guess he knew that if he did not help me anymore with money, and left the responsibility of the amazing amount of debt I had aquired to me alone, I would then turn that difficult corner, and I did, because I took responsibility of my own actions,

I hope your OH forgives you, but it is time now to take the plunge and start this amazing journey of recovery, by thinking of you, and taking full responsibilty of your actions.

You can do this by taking one day at a time with everything,

Best wishes,

Suzanne xxx

Hi suzanne

Thanks for your support.

You are completely right, I do need to take responsibility this time. I just don't know how to do it without it effecting my oh in some way. I am on a low income and our mortgage is in my name only. I have looked into dmps but I'm not sure how they would effect my mortgage or equity in my house. If anyone has any advice on this it would be really appreciated. As I said in my first post I have a LOT of debt -£23,000- all on credit cards and one loan. Some of the credit cards are actually over my credit limit and I've already had the cc companies phoning me about paying the over limit amounts which I just don't have. I'm sick with worry. This has to be the lowest I have felt even combining the last two times together. I need help fast.

Hi Tina,

I hope I wasn't sounding unsympathetic, because believe me I can totally relate to your feelings, and I know it is horrible to feel like this. I do sympathise with you because I do understand.

I has reached well over 20000 in debt with around 10 pay day loans, 3 of them in my OHs name unbeknown to him at the time.

I rand each of them up literally one day at a time, and said I could not afford the payments, they all obliged eventually, and I have now paid all the Pay day loans off without any further interest.

I still have 2 bank loans, 3 credit cards and 2 overdrafts which I had put on a payment plan by myself, with no interest, I pay the minimum amount each month on these, a token really, but I am in control of my debt.

As far as I know if all your debt is unsecured debt,and not secured debt, it should not affect your mortgage and equity, (if this helps none of my debtors asked me about my mortgage or property.

You can also ring a free debt agency, there is one on this forum, or citizens advice, and just ask where you stand with your property, to give you peace of mind, and so you know where you stand.

It will be all very daunting at the moment but honestly you can sort this out, but you do need to start now, even if you do one a day, speak to a free advisor, you need all the support you can get, and try not to borrow any more money, I know it's hard, but you will feel better when you know where you stand.

I hope this helps, don't be too hard on yourself, this really is a self destructive horrible addiction, and don't feel you are not getting any support from your OH he has been through hell, and it's not his fault.

Just take things slowly, please keep posting, there is lots of support on here and good advice, and it certainly helps to know we are not on our own,

Suzanne xx

Thanks Suzanne - no I didn't feel you were unsympathetic I really appreciate anyone taking time out to advise me. My head is all over the place at the moment and am going to use this diary to get my feelings out so am probably rambling a bit.

I need to get my debt sorted out first and foremost and am away to ring the debt advice line to see what options are available to me.

I am so gutted with myself at the moment can't believe I am putting myself and oh and kids through this again. I can't stop crying. Feel like ending it all but would never do that to my family. I just can't see a way through this though.

hi and have been in that situation too. contact the charity CCS and they will contact creditors for you but I will say you cant say its through gambling as you have to be free of gambling for six months. However as you are on a low income they dont usually ask how you got into debt as you can do it all online. For the first few months creditors do still contact you but you either let them know you are on the CCS plan, as they also ask them to stop the interest.

Once you can get on the road to recovery it does get easier. I experienced the guilt about the spending and yes felt very low but now I look forward as I can treat my family to small things which give us all pleasure. Dont let it swamp you as there is always light at the end of the tunnel, once you get over the sorrow you will get stronger each day. take care

Mary x

Have just spoken to someone from the debt advice line and they are going to send me out details of my options. She did go over them with me on the phone but as I was crying and upset most of the phone call so haven't taken much of it in. Think she mentioned something about a debt management plan but it all sounds so scary. I thought I would feel better after phoning them but think I just feel worse now. WHY did I do this again!!! I hate myself so much right now. I feel so alone and stupid and worthless. I know I am rambling a bit here but my head is all over the place, I can't think straight.

Appreciate your comments Mary I hope I can see the light at the end of the tunnel soon but right now I am struggling.

tina x

Hi Tina,

I hope you are feeling a bit calmer, it's an awful feeling when we have to face up to the damage, and does feel scary, just don't think too much for now, wait til the details come, they will want all your outgoings and income, be honest about your debt so you can get the best out of this DP, but you can if you feel stronger enough do a DP yourself, like I did, ring each of your creditors up and tell them you are having financial difficulties, and that you want to do a payment plan, they will also want all your outgoings and ingoings ie income etc, but it can be done over the phone, and will be sorted straightaway, this may be better if filling in paper work is daunting and you will be in control yourself, it will affect your credit score but as I said earlier, if all these debts are unsecured loans it should not affect your mortgage and house,

I did them at one a day, and each time I rang the next creditor it got easier, once you have sorted this out, with leaving enough available money to live on, you will feel a lot more easier in your mind, just don't panic about the debt, it can be sorted out,

Keep posting and venting your feelings it does help,

Take care

Suzanne xx

Ok so feeling a little bit better today. Let's face it it couldn't be any worse than yesterday that's has got to be the lowest I have ever felt in my life. I just couldn't stop crying, my mind was in overdrive and I couldn't think straight.

Had a talk with my oh last night and of course he was angry but I think there is a glimmer of hope that we might make it through this again. From what he said to me it's all the lying and sneaking around that goes with the gambling that gets to him the most so I know I'm really going to have to work on building up his trust in me again if we are to move on from this.

Still feeling a bit panicky about the debt I have gotten into - but have already taken the first step in phoning the debt advice line so for today I will try to put this to the back of my mind until I get the paperwork through.

As I said, yesterday was really tough for me, still feeling really low today but will try to focus on the good things I have in my life and get some positive feelings back in me.

Tina x

Hi Tina,

Good to read that you feel calmer today, and that you have had a good talk with your OH.

Honesty with them is a very positive way to move forwards, because it is the lying and sneaking and decept that does destroy the relationship in the end, more so than gambling all the money.

My OH does still not totally trust me, but that is good, because I don't totally trust myself, even though I have been abstaining for over a year. He has always called my diary, my bible, and still does.

You did 2 very important positive things yesterday, you faced up to your debt and you spoke to your OH, well done, it's a great start to your recovery journey.

Keep strong and keep positive taking one day at a time.

Suzanne xxx

Hi Tina, welcome to recovery 🙂

Lots of great stuff about sorting out your debt but what have you put in place to break your Time-Money-Location triangle so that you cannot gamble? These feelings you have @ the moment will pass & you need to be ready for when the addiction starts calling to you again! Us CG's don't think like the rest of the world, whilst your OH is sad @ the lies & deceit, we struggle to see past our losses! I spent hours 'managing' my finances on a daily basis whilst gambling, robbing Peter to pay Paul, taking out loans, increasing my credit limits & all for nothing until I drew a line under them & found recovery.

Please get some blocks in place, hand over your finances to stop you being able to gamble if you need to because if you don't, you will be right back to square one the second your money settles down. If he thinks it will help, please let your hubby know there is help for him here too if he wants.

You can do this - ODAAT

So much for staying positive today. The tears have already been flowing. I am of course wallowing in the thought of my losses and what a disaster of a financial situation I am in. I just can't stop thinking about it. The sooner I get my finances in order the better I will hopefully start to feel. I wish I had the courage to phone my creditors individually so I could start now but don't feel I have the strength to do this.

ODATT - appreciate your advice bud - I have no money at the moment to gamble with so that definitely breaks the triangle for now. I have been here before though and I know in my head that once my finances settle down I will start getting the urges to gamble again so will take your advice and am away to phone the online companies I have been using this time to self exclude from them. I use the iPad to go online to gamble so not sure if there is any blocking thing I can put on it but will look into that as well.

Wow this diary and the people taking time out to give support is so good. Day 2 and now I have to take the next step (self excluding) - baby steps, I know, but at least I have something else to focus on for today.

thanks

tina x

Its quite scary how reading other peoples posts there are so many people who are in exactly the same position as i find myself in!,i can really relate to the OP i also just 'did it again' and i also managed to run up debts in my partners name, two months ago we got in touch with stepchange and set up a DMP i can tell you it makes a massive difference the stress of phone calls from creditors goes away almost overnight and the amount they leave you with to live on if you are smart when filling in the budget forms really is enough to live comfortably and even save a little up for a rainy day,it also gives you an end date so you have a target to aim for that it'll finally be over,the whole process was painless and most oof it can be done online they also offer support advice and have links for councelling for depression and stress, i had a relapse this month and cant manage my DMP payment i gave them a call and ive been given a payment break they are extremely sympathetic and helpful but i'd suggest not mentioning gambling when setting up the plan you just need to tell them you overstretched on credit.

I've Done it!!! I phoned the online companies that I was using and have self excluded myself. Feels good to be taking back some control and taking temptation away. I also looked into blockers for the iPad and it seems the best way to go about this is through a parental blocker app. This of course would need to have a pass code put in but thought I could maybe speak to my oh about this so only he had the pass code and he can see how serious I am this time.

half-life - thanks for your advice on my oh - I'm sorry you have had to deal with a cg in your life but it is good to hear from someone dealing with it from the other side. One of the things I did say to my oh last night was I would give him all access to my bank accounts etc as I do want to be completely transparent with him now and show him I am not gambling at any point now or in the future. You also mentioned re-connecting with the real value of money - this I had never really thought about but you are so right - I thought nothing of wasting £thousands on gambling as they were just numbers on a screen.

Anyways am over the tears from earlier today - think I have cried myself dry - am away to get ready and take the kids out - no money to spend on them which feel bad about, especially as it's their summer holidays, but I'm sure they will get just as much joy out of the park and spending some time with their mum so not going to beat myself up too much about it otherwise I will be going back into that dark place again and I am really really trying to stay focused on the positives.

Tina x

I don't really know how to put into words how I am feeling at the moment. My mood changes from one moment to the next. So up and down. Oh came home last night and said he really doesn't think we can get through this again. I wasn't too shocked tbh. The glimmer of hope I had was just me clutches at straws. My life is falling apart before my eyes and there is nothing I can do about it. Everything feels so hopeless. Here's to what day 3 brings.