Good morning Diary.
Off to muddle through another day. Roll on tonight, woke up in a real ' f**k every thing it ' mood. A downward curve but with out the gambling
Ah yes, the ol' switcheroo.... I am very familiar with it. But it seems you've abstained for a while before, and so I think when you get into the right mindset, you can do it again. Just celebrate that you are accomplishing something. Glad you didn't tell me to buzz off. Don't want to be nosy but just support. Addictions have so much to do with emotions. I'm a master at running away from them, though, lately have been trying a bit harder to breathe through them and not instantly run to my unhealthy comforts. It's tough though. Try to have a good day. Fighting alongside you!
Ty Carla
Edited Not the best of days.
Head in shame
I have no place in these diarys, just like this planet. I can't delete the equation of life, but i can delete this diary. The former is my sentence the latter is a lesson for any one sucked into addictions. I dd the crime of being born, now I've got to do the time. My diary life ends yet my sentence continues. Maybe if im good, my release papers will come soon as i move into time.
Head in shame
I have no place in these diarys, just like this planet. I can't delete the equation of life, but i can delete this diary. The former is my sentence the latter is a lesson for any one sucked into addictions. I dd the crime of being born, now I've got to do the time. My diary life ends yet my sentence continues. Maybe if im good, my release papers will come soon as i move into time.
Oh how I wish I lived near you. I would come right over and probably punch you (a gentle punch), tell you to snap out of it (I can handle being told to f*** off), and then give you the biggest hug you've ever had in your life! If you truly are a nasty, horrible, pathetic, weak, P**k, which I don't believe, then you're a rare and unique P**k I actually like. You DO belong on this forum and have, at times, kept me going. You honestly have so I'm very grateful that you're on this forum. I don't doubt that you have done things you are not proud of. I don't doubt that you've sometimes acted like an a******. Many of us have, me included. You may be guilty of that but that doesn't define you. People like you and me just haven't learned the dif between guilt and shame. Guilt = I did bad and Shame = I am bad. People like us believed the "shame on you" messages we received as youngsters from adults who themselves were shamed. You are tarnished on the outside but you said it to me before... we're golden inside. ((((Volcano - Paul - Ian Brady - Keith)))) - whoever you are ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PdLIerfXuZ4 ), - and you're probably all of those - I like you and I know I can't "make" it better for you so I'm "willing you on" with all I've got today.... and I think it's good to get the anger out. xoxoxo
Just googled Ian Brady... didn't know who that was... but I'll bet even he has a golden core buried deep
walking on hot coals to bring this message - in bare feet as well.
Better f*****g out than in but please don't f**k off, would miss you.
xxx
Hey V. ...
it's been a bad day but you have every right to be here..Carla and DF are right and they understand just how you feel right now....I wish I could help but I am powerless to help.
I hope you don't disappear ....maybe give GA a chance? I don't know what's happened today and I don't know the right words to say when you feel like this, I just try and come up with solutions.
Other people who know can say the right things whereas I will just try and guess ....xxxx
Hey Volcano,
Don't delete ur diary because it's part of you, and you are big asset to this forum and your friends. Yes, this addiction is s**t and i wish it could f*** off from our lives. Don't let it affect ur feelings about yourself.
As Rach says, it was only s**t day and today is another one.
V, maybe i don't write a lot on your diary, but i read....and can tell you are great and kind soul....don't let this disease to rob it of you....
I wish you strenght and hope you will wake up today in better hope and determination to keep fighting for what is rightly yours...
Please take care and keep getting all good bad and ugly out...sharing a problem is half problem....sharing joy is double joy....you can do it!!!!
Sandra x
Yes... don't delete. I write all kinds of ranting and people who see what you've written (like me) feel much the same as you... and often don't have the courage to say it. Sometimes sugar coating those cheery O's aint enough and f**k don't cut it. Been thinking about you today and did all I could to send positive vibes your way. I have a feeling you may have caved today... and you know what? Whether you did or didn't doesn't matter. IF you did give in, please do not beat yourself up over it.... please, please, please. Just dust yourself off, give yourself a hug, hold your head high and get back on that horse.
Paul
Fella I am not going top preach to you, it is as simple as this, you have to do what suits you my friend, there is no shame in that, there would be a great shame if you did something you did not want to do.
Fella this addiction knows no bounds as to the way it will keep a hold of you, and it it will warp you senses to it's own end.
My message is simply this.
I would gladly sit with you and enjoy the silence, I would not judge your shortfalls as I know you would not mine, if you ever want to take me up on the offer you know where to find me.
It's unconditional.
Duncs stepping forward never back.
In short you are not alone.
Guess nobody has any business being any where or being anything. LOL LOL LOL never was a choice and never will be. Just a matter of being and being put in our places.lol
Very proud of you... you didn't cave! (((P))) Though, even if you had, you'd still get a cyberhug.
Support is priceless, thank you so much.
Dear Diary
A near head on crash averted, reinforces the belief that abstaining is just a start. Tired of words with out being backed up without any actions.
Trying to stay focused in clawing my self out of current lost soul society I live. Yet some days struggle to keep the belief that i'm capable of keeping my own word.
I know I shouldn't live in the past, but this really wasn't in the original script, guessing a small mercy is the final scenes are yet to be acted out, leaving it up to me to take the lead. And f**k I will!!
A cruising day, determined to start the week fresh and moving forward to a small but very achievable aim.
Life really isn't that bad, which in it self is progress for me..
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