Dormant

Could be your getting stuck in theory. Finding out what drives us towards addiction is great, but without action to change it tends to just make you even more frustrated. Real hope with Real action will serve you well. Hope without action will leave you stuck where you've always been. Hopefully the therapist will kick start the feel-good factor again Paul. Wishing you well

​

Hello Volcano,

Very interesting post. I think you are maybe thinking too much at the minute. Asking yourself too many questions. Maybe try and keep it simple in this complex world.

I know it's complex this addiction but maybe you are like me and need a rest from gambling so your head can clear.

I was in the bookies last night and this chinese man was doing £50 a spin. This gambling is madness and we all know that.

I wish you well in your recovery Volcano. You have helped me with good advice. I am not betting for a while. I am totally sick of it.

I hope you have a gamble free day.

Toad.

Wanted to come on and say something helpful, something profound...but I've got nothing. I have a tendency to want answers and offer solutions but I don't have any for you. It could be all or none of those things. What advice would you give a friend in your situation? What words of wisdom would the Hungarian offer?

All I can offer is a cyber hand of friendship. And it's here, stretched out to reach yours.

For you, I'll take some multi-grain with me on my walk. I might even share some with the birds:)

On the plus side, you'll get your money's worth from the therapist tonight.

LB x

.

Hi paul

Also the graph line from addict to recovery's never gona be dead straight.

I certainly have dips. I'm getting a bit better at getting perspective on the dips. Basically not allowing myself to get carried away by them.

Changing how we live isn't easy and we get strength from learning how to cope better with difficult phases. That's when real progress can be made. The concerns you list are valid- I mean it's understandable that they will weigh you down at times. It's not meant to sound trite, but that's life. Gambling isn't life. It's hiding from life.

Really impressed with how you've been doing. Originally was gona post to say - was admiring your interest in others. You show real interest in what makes others tick. Great quality - great difference from the self absorbed gambler, the one desperate to make a mark.

That quality's essential to connecting with others - thanks for showing me the way on that. Hoping I can put that more into my 3d life.

Best

Louis

Thankyou All.

I know it will pass........

I had a banker for tomorrow! Sounds like gambling doesnt it? But, it was a job that this minute, iv'e just found that its been filled internally... 'f***k, woe me'

In a way you've all said the same and i totally agree, this will pass, i'm thinking to much without action.

Then the avoidance barriers go up. Money makes the world go round, just like corruption. I'm doing alot of changes, but are they the right one's. Are the big changes that are needed, holding me back ( courage Paul ). But stuck in the cycle of no job, money going out/ none coming in. Is the job a foundation, i think it is? ' woe me '.. Adicts head, i'm back to being unique...

A cognitive flip needed. Back on train later, dentist/ therapy and paint i guess...

ps, im just using this diary to chart and fflip weekly back to try and recognise a cycle... It will pass, my testosterone will crank up and the roar will appear when the curtains are drawn.

I feel awfull giving the job to the three legged bloke now ! Shi.t what have I done ?.

Maybe , just maybe your to focused on what's wrong and not on what's right in life ?, we all go through those cra.ppy weeks where one thing jumps on top of another just because thats what life does , you get up in the morning , go to make your tea and find the devil's got there first and puked in your kettle . The answer my friend is to wash that kettle out , refill it and enjoy !!!.

Was going to talk about the full english as well but that could get even more graphic !.

Positive thinking my friend !!.

Take care Paul !

Thanks Alan, i kinda of agree and disagree with two things there -

1. 6 arms are better than 3 legs.

2. Positive thinking! Is negative thinking needed for balance?

Work/ circle dilemma....I've held fairly firmly on my stance of what circle of the building i want to do. I've turned down 1 interview and avoided 1 job as was the residential/ ruthless high turnover side. I have a bricklayer past life but my experience is the internal grids to completion. I've had 3 phonecalls today, 1) by an agency fishing on my experience 2) Saying the interviews been cancelled, but they have another one lined up, a tie wearing resi job 3) A fresh out of the blue, interesting one! The last one interests my CV circle... But then patience does wear thin! Patience not a virtue and i'm neither thin or fat...

My spirit has lifted.. So thankyou again All

+1 definitely added today, my gut tells me that and i'm listening....

Random head on a train.

Life in the smoke

" I'll kick your f*****g head in and suffer the consequences " Very lady like to a cab driver..

A lad wearing trainers with lights on.... wanting to be beamed up.

Sat next to someone with s***t earphones and even worse music.

Have another interview Tuesday for a job I don't want... infamous sods law!

Here comes the sun..

Stop moaning will ya 😉

Lundin v Lincolnshire
Smoke v fresh air!

We should do a swap lol..
Going to the seaside and taking ya smokey friend with me! (In my pocket of course!!)...but that's after i manage to get on my two tipu's tapu's ...one two free ...breatheeeee

Earings being weared just for the record....bracelet and a watch to boot!! That's the plan never less ☺

Paul.

Fella one of the best chefs in this country has a prosthetic arm, he lost it through a car accident and after a period of rehabilitation he found himself back at the stoves and loves the fact he can pick up pans straight from the oven! Fella he even had to re teach himself to cut with the other hand,his name is Michael ciarns. Two Michelin stars to his name and a true inspiration.

My friend I will find the right person and refuse to compromise on what I am looking for or take the easy option, because I know without doubt that any shortcuts I have taken in life come invariably back to haunt me.

I guess you would be more interested in the goings on at my work in the garden, it's having a 10k overhaul, beautiful plans and great that the owners have respected the long standing fruit trees that adorn it and have planned around them, so autumn will hopefully bring me a glut of fruit.

Right fella got a beef shin that needs my attention.

Keep working through your own journey.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back

Sods law! has just returned to Kent and now a phone call too see a job tomorrow in london. Need a job for a rest not just the money.

Waiting for a therapist and on anti biotic for my toothache. So win/ win for latter as no beer for me for next 7 days.

I've been thinking about this for a while, and it's regarding support. I always refer to my time as a fresh amputee and getting help/ support from well meaning family and friends. I use to get books bought for me or story's told to me of someone climbing a mountain with no arms or legs, or people doing a marathon without one of the other. I use to know they were well intended, but I use to think ' f**k off, I wouldn't climb a mountain or do a marathon with 10 arms or legs ' so was an element of denial going on. But taught me that you need to somehow find your own journey. It is tough, when it's a person you care about. But s***t even though we're not unique, our noggins get wired by our own unique experiences. Adversity/ Recovery is a very unique gift....

Moral. Support is about nudging at different stages..

A chilled therapy... more akin to a nice chat, where your not caring about what you say. A flow of conversation like you see on TV, where one person takes it in turn to talk. The only difference is that im the lead actor.

Me, myself and I.

When I get to ' I ', i'll be able to look into the mirror.

More thoughts regarding support. I was only half right in the post before last. A nudge is good but a direct hit with a big hammer is better! An arm around the shoulder is also good..

So lesson learned today after near on 25 years, that I only got it a 3 Rd right.

Had a controlled explosion earlier. For about 10 sec I felt bad, then I thought! Why, I was right!

Now that's progress..

Hi, Volcano,

Hope it goes well for you today.

Thanks for the post On The Other Side, but why so tentative about posting in the f&f? Please do. You're not personally responsible for what our nearest and dearest have been up to! Nothing sleezy there.

When I was caught up in the fog generated by addiction / denial / lies and I didn't know what to believe, I absolutely needed the posts from the recovering CG perspective. It got me through the crisis. The odd hint of projected blame did receive firm rebuttals from two people but generally, being reassured from this side of the fence that it's not me (well, it's not just me), it's the addiction, is hugely comforting.

Have a good day,

CW

Quick thought about support and help. For me, there's a difference between offering support/advice/a nudge/ a hammer blow on here, than with the people who were well-intentionedly (is that a word) trying to turn you into Ranulph Fiennes. Those people cared about you, wanted the best for you and wanted to give you hope and encouragement. But they hadn't lost a limb...they weren't coming from the same place, they couldn't feel the same feelings as you and they could never understand it fully as they hadn't lived it. To me that's the difference. We're all different here and have walked various paths to get here. Our thoughts, lives, experiences are all unique. Our gambling pasts are different, and the amount of loss and destruction varies. But we share a commonality of feelings and expereince that enables us to truely empathise.We know those feelings of denial and despair as we've felt them in our own blood which is why we can offer help/support/advice. Sometimes people just don't want to take it. Unfortunately, we can't make them. I've not tried any hammers, but at times I find myself wanting to grab by the shoulders and shake really hard. However, I think that's frowned upon in recovery circles.

Have a good day. I'm off to feed a pony x