Dormant

Paul

Fella I can't get the fact from my mind that two nights ago we invested in a new hoover for home, that big store where every little helps had one half price, less than the cost of dropping that dog end!

I have been thinking you could fashion one into a ghost buster type pack!

That is a harsh lesson!

Mind one I would love the franchise on,I would retire in a week. lol.

Keep putting it out there my friend,better out than manifesting from within.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

A sore point stirred up this week. Need to stop reading newspapers . Won't get on a band wagon but I do wish Kim Jong-un was our leader, no bookies in North Korea and at least you would know where you stand....

Free the Kent 1

re weed v beer. Beer doesn't HAVE to substitute. It might be what has happened previously, it might have even have turned into a mini rule/justification. But doesn't have to be thus.....

Soz not sure at what point I turned into a mary whitehouse protГ©gГ©

Beer vs doob. I see them both as a leveller after a day at work or like the other day, when I got an unexpected drama. It was my auto pilot. It to me, is filling the void! But then I think, is it? Am I purely living.

It's scary ground when you read to much - bacon sarnies bad for you, more than 14 units of alcohol not good, top much joy not good. The list goes on. It's a strange era we're going through, terror the new religion. More and more boogie men coming out in different formats.

Anyway on train and up too the flat green of Lincolnshire, the green you can't smoke, only eat or walk on. A few beers with my dad but keeping my eye on my intake.

Cyber detox now....

Enjoy your weekend Louis

I like Mary

Thanks for pulling my head out of the sand. It really made a difference and I think it's turned out to be very worthwhile.Perfecting the balance between not thinking and thinking too much is still a work in progress but good is coming out of it all....even when I want to avoid it. And I like you're line about there being no more nuggets to dig. I'll bear that in mind.

Enjoy your weekend. Beer and walking sound good to me.

LB x

Oh, I've never tried any drugs (too much of a square) but if you do the whole 30 they're not allowed either 🙂

Thanks LB.

I hate the word drugs. Is that my denial talking. The broken record of my ex, worked as a school teacher, worked Walt Disney and worked for a premiership footie team, she was very hyper active and herb use to level her out. She had a good argument for and not many could question her theory. But im the opposite, im not hyper, quite calm, so the herb is detrimental as I would go backwards. But, I do think we get spun a yarn what's good and what's not. Everything in moderation is ok........but as Alan and Dan mentioned, a moderation isn't a strength for a compulsive personality. So, I don't think it will be something I'll miss.

A ramble as I get closer to my destination...

Ps. I fully intend to do the whole 30 but will cheat on ciggy smoking. A habit I hate but just not ready to throw

I need a mask.

I've been up in the green of lincs since last night. I was on fine form and didn't need to perform, that feeling continued through to this morning. And then from no where, iv'e crashed. I feel emotional, I would love to just on a train back but know I can't

I'm due in the next hour to meet an old friend I haven't seen since my two hand days. It was my prompt as we reconnected this past few months. I had thoughts about blowing him out! It wouldn't be right, I need to force a smile and some banter out. I probably will, I hope I do.

A bit of talk of g.n, it's all around. I've been honest with a few random people last night, when asked about what horse I would back. Told them it was a poison of mine, some got it, some didn't. It doesn't matter. Is this the reason, for my dip? I don't think it is!.

The sun goes up. The sun goes down. Now I heed a hologram to keep it up.....

Purged and out

What mask would you wear? What would it look like? Only my humble, but I think you're just fine without one. It could be the gn but I'd guess it's more to do with meeting up with your old friend. It'll be fine...what's the worst that can happen?

Let it out...it's better that way.

LB x

Thank you for your post.

Good platter based point. Suppose it's not about having a silver platter but what you do with it. I'm sure some silver platters serve trouble. Probably my gambling head thinking money solves everything coming into play. I have a lot of work to do.

Life can be frustrating for me because I can speak but sometimes can't - which I think you'll understand. That's sort of what selective mutism is. Something very basic I struggle with.

Know all about wearing masks. These things are usually never as bad as we build them up in our head. Sure you were fine. Refer back to a previously posted proverb: "worry often gives a small thing a big shadow."

Swedish I think that one.

Well done getting through the Grand National. Never easy.

Outraged by your great injustice.

Let me know if it goes to court - I'll bring my placard.

Got your back.

Glint

Thanks all. Glint, your placard linr made me chuckle!

Louis, iv'e been thinking of your post, re weed Vs beer has had me thinking these past few days. Also, another line some body has said to me in the last couple of days, has had me thinking, in a nice way.....

Breaking through...... which I'll get too.

A happy/ sad morning. I saw my prosphesis this morning for two new hands, I've known him for near on 24 years, which would equate to nigh on 60 hands. He's been a big part of my life and obviously a handy man to know and now he's retired and our bro - mance is now over. ;-(

The Saturdays extreme up and low didn't last. And, a enjoyable weekend with a good version of me turning up.

I experimented on Sunday, and this might come across as bizarre and stems from something i've been reading and also Louis post/ diary. My experiment consisted of not smoking, iv'e never tried to give up the ciggies, even though I can't really figure any logic in it as I can with gambling and can't say I enjoy it, unlike gambling.

The bizarre Ness is the conversation, iv'e been having in my head between the spirit and my brain... The validation in me, feels I need to explain that, but, I don't need to! It doesn't matter, it's my interpretation. Yesterday, after letting the ' urges ' of having a ciggies, came in waves and rather than fight, I just surfed them. A thought would filter through, like if I didn't smoke untill 12.00, that would be my reward. Then I realised, that's the b.s side of my thinking and in tune with my gambling addiction logic. I decided, there was no point on fighting my self, but just to go with it and the ciggies thought literally just came in waves, as my mind went to other thoughts, ie have a shower, what time is my train, shoot, is that the time etc.

I tried the same this morning. And, just like all addictions, for at least today I realised that once I start I can't stop......

A ramble, but in my book, which is the only one I read is progress...

Go the Revenant Kent 1

I haven't quite found the directions to Easy Street yet...seems there were a few pages of my mapbook missing, and I'm still not certain if I'm holding it the right way up, but my sat nav tells me the road is ahead and I will soon reach my destination.

On the other hand, I can tell you how to get to Sesame Street if that helps?!!

Thanks for your questions. I like the AA line. Am I/have I been over thinking? Was it all at the end of my nose? It seems to me that I'll have periods of introspection (could be do with stuff on here, articles I've read, or stuff that's going on in my life). I'll think, ponder, process and often there's a nugget in there somewhere....a realisation that helps...an explanation of something or a mental click. This then slowly settles in and I'll pootle along calmly, happily and zen like for a while and then something else comes up. I've said before, that I think these last few months have been about tying things together. Therapy opened up a lot of stuff and help me to recognise where things were coming from. I needed that. Being on here is helping to understand a bit more of what I've learned about myself and has got me asking a few more questions of myself. Finishing the jigsaw. It's all good. I don't just want to remove gambling from my life....I want to live my best life and getting my thoughts straight is a big part of that. My self discovery may have gone down a few dead ends, but even there I learnt something so I don't regret it. I'm getting to the point where I can look at things and think is this relevant to me, do I need to look at, do I already know the answer, what does this spark?... and I can either go with the thoughts or think no, I'll pass on that.Im good with that area.

You talked about balance and Louis about mindfulness...both of you advised being in the present. My lastest lightbulb has been surrounding that.I know a lot about it...I'd advise it to everyone...I've tried to put it into practice, but that's a real work in progress.When I'm sad about the past and or catastrophising the future my thoughts start racing. I'm going to put some work into that.

Hope you're doing ok and that Kentish life is suiting you. I thought of you last week when I was out walking...there were 2 beautiful peacocks strutting their stuff.

Speak soon. LB x

Good post there LB! My questions to you were more for myself, but I guess I like people doing my leg work.

I'm on a reunion tomorrow, was sods law as there were two to go too, but one been cancelled for a week. So, not sure whether good or bad thing.

Have taken an almighty dip this week, avoiding life and anything else I can get away with. Pretty much staying in bed since Tuesday, all I need now is Yoko. Part of me, thinks I've had enough of this recovery cr.ap ( no offence intended ) and part of me thinks that, just keep plugging on and keep breaking through.

My drink intake has rose of late, always finding an excuse to drink. I don't mind the social but wary about the other, yet not really doing FA to address... Address is a process, a poet in the making!!

Tomorrow will be messy, a every 2 year reunion with people I worked with 15 years ago. So, will throw my name back in the side of industry I haven't been for a long time.

I finished my contract last week and up untill Friday last I thought I was nailed on for a start on this Monday gone.... A bit of a kick in the bollix there and a few this year is taking its toll, so I'm aware of the reason for my dip. I know in the past, this would of been my big green light for big geographical, but my pad has me tied there...is that good or bad.....?

Thank f**k for friends...

Knock, knock...are you up yet? Get out of bed you lazy git 🙂

I hear you with the "had enough of this recovery cr.ap"...if being in your head is getting too much then take a break...get active...and come back to it later. Let your latest understandings settle in and then move on again in a while. It can be exhausting, so take it slowly. You've had a lot on lately (saying goodbye to your prosthetics man, meeting up with old friends, work worries, recovery) and you've got this reunion today, which will be fine but may not having you jumping up and down with joy right now. Cut yourself some slack, and when you're ready get back to answering your own questions coz I'm not going to keep doing your donkey work for ya!!

Don't be glum chum...seize the day and all that. LB x

Yep, nothing wrong with being down sometimes but good to see you up and about today.

Def feeling chippier...a few thoughts slowly being mulled over as I shelter from the rain whilst the pony chomps...but all's good in the hood at the kidz say ( oh no, they don't say that and "oh god mum you're so embarrassing" is ringing in my ears)

No alien life forms on my walk today but some beautiful woodpeckers on the bird feeder. One of the many plusses of the down days is being able to enjoy the up ones to the full. Enjoy yours x

Balancing the equilibrium my thought for today......

On a train again. Dropped a cig b**t en route and for a minute the paranoia crept in. Progress....

A serial f*g b**t dropper in recovery....