Dormant

How's life treating you Paul?

Be good to see an update from a fellow slasher

Hope you're well

Hello volcano

Really enjoyed reading your posts this year - think you have a very creative mind.

I like that.

Thank you.

Wishing you all good things, positive change and a Merry Christmas

Glint

It's been said that recovery has revolving doors but does the pivot ever come off and come crashing down ?

I need a springboard and getting my thoughts down on this forum has helped me before. Will it again ?

I need a life. I've booked a recommended therapist for this Saturday. The loss of money hurts but the loss of myself hurts more.

I know im a good guy. I know I've got something to offer.

I'm tired of drifting.

Welcome back Paul.

I was going to write some happy cheer leader Bull telling you everything will be OK and you can do this..
But I think we've always been straight with each other
And we've pretty much both had the same fantasy of just the weekend footy will do.
We're both way beyond that ever working.

I've missed your footsteps around the forum. I haven't had to google a word in month's.

It's time to stop playing with the b and q trowel.
And start smashing some days in with the Marshall town

Great to see you back Paul would of loved you to come on here and say youre GF but I'm delighted to see you back not giving up on giving up.

Be good if the therapist meets the standards that you're looking for. It at least you looking to do something. Things can turn round look at Leeds if they can do it so can you.

KTF

I know you're a good guy too 🙂

Good to see you back, just wish it was under different circumstances.

My thoughts? It's not about the gambling. Not for you, not for me....maybe not for any of us on here. Sounds a bit mad on a gambling forum, but I really don't think it's to do with the gambling. It's to do with all the other "stuff".

Pleased to see the therapist appointment. Make sure you go!

Don't be a stranger x

Good to see you return Paul. I miss you around here. Not sure if this makes sense but will share it anyway.

For a long time when I knew I had a problem I kept searching for this one thing to make everything magically OK again (not sure 'again' is the right word, was it ever OK?). For me there isn't one big thing that slots all the pieces together. That may work for some people, that might be this forum or GA. It doesn't work like that for me and that’s OK.

Every time I tried to put all my effects into this one thing I would create a vacuum in myself whenever it never matched up to my expectations. It’s fair to say I set these expectations unrealistically high as well. I would never stick to anything because I didn’t see these major and massive improvements in my life. I wanted so much progress without putting the effort in. This is not even considering this takes time. It really does, it’s hard for me to be patient.

What does work for me is having lots of things. We all must start somewhere and maybe your start is the therapist session on Saturday. You can also start posting on your diary again. Maybe see this as just the start and not the finish line. Not the one big fix but the start of lots of things. Not the hallelujah moment where you see the light, and I will be the first to attempt I am totally guilty of proclaiming these moments of supposed revelation.

I personally hope you start posting regularly again, one because I feel it will help you and selfishly I really enjoy and get a lot from your posts. If you don’t for whatever reason don’t be a stranger, you have my contact details. If you prefer we can exchange phone numbers, I don’t mind the form of communication just keep talking. Loneliness can cut you through but that beer is still on offer.

So very chuffed by them 4 posts, I really am. Thankyou so much.

Being completely isolated my biggest enemy at the moment.

Your post makes alot of sense Rob, another friend said something similar.

I work away during the week in the middle of no where. Lonely but bearable as I have my work and no bookies for miles. Friday comes and then I head into another kinda lonliness, so for last few months, iv'e been using the familiar company of the bookies. I knew deep down that I wasn't gonna to control it and the inevitable was gonna happen. Had a good few skirmishes and crashes...... then bang, not about the money, just that feeking od being completely lost........rambling with the cloud hovering....

Out for now.

I'll get back to you all..

Slowly, slowly dragging myself back to dry land.

The next therapist exploration isn't intended to dig anymore but to further explore social anxiety through a ACT/ addiction therapist. Too learn more and kick on.

I've wondered how to use my re appearence back on this forum. I've had elements of success and sustained abstinence over the past few years. Something I need to give my self credit for, but to me it wasn't enough.

Positive thinking is a nice thought but to me is a fallacy and just puts more unnecessary pressure in trying to achieve unsustainable beliefs. I'm guessing the actions of positive sure outweighs the positive thinking side. Something I need to drum in the grey matter.

I don't to intend to be a doom merchant but I do intend to use this diary outlet to dump my S****e in cyber space rather than friends/ family.

Something from today which has been swimming around my small mind is something a senior boss said to me, when I told him I'd f****d up on a decision which is going to cost a few quid. - ' stop putting your self down, you made a decision and it was wrong ' He was so right and has been said to me on many occasions by unrelated people.

Why, I felt I needed to validate myself there is something I need to address.

Picking the locks to my cage.

Vvvrrrooooooooommmmmmm......

Just passing by ☺

Good to see you posting again, & all the best for today .. & tommorow...& etc.. 😉

The hint is -- Keep posting & doing what's helping ya!

S x

Everybody in life has there dues to pay! A line from a song I just heard.

Vroooopm back to you my honoury English cyber friend Sandra. I love seeing you doing the the actions rather than thinking yourself through this addiction comfort blanket. There's no coincidences in life Sandra....
ie there's no coincidence that top peeps from this forum has warmed to you in both 3d and cyber

Diary.

I can be sometimes be happy in my quite isolated life. I like to think, especially when I'm present in the moment.

I sometimes, understandingly get grief in my riddling diary. Sorry!

Possibly on the repeats, but why does some *** this addiction more than long diarists like my self. Is there a pain threshold ? If so, I ask my self that my threshold is a lal oversized ?

I've heard the 3% club quite often on this forum. Once upon time I joined it. Maybe, I never liked that club, or possibly there's another slant on things..... Not comfortable in saying my slant on it.

I'm cycling, I get that!!! In the past my S****e part of the cycle has lasted up to 7 years. Now, thankfully I seem to have gone from a penny farthing type cycle to a tricycle.

In 3d life, im a very unassuming quiet chap. Yet, maybe I need to admit, im a quite co.cky chap. The latter half of that sentence is holding me back. ????

Breaking down the excuses I give myself in tackling this process of discovery is hard. But ....

Over thinking. Com

A most welcome return to the fold.

If getting your thoughts down has helped before then it's certainly a positive move to do so again volcano.

If isolation and loneliness are problems then being on here is another positive.

Best to think before acting.

Positive thinking will make the transition from thought to action easier; however, to only think positively seems unnatural, unrealistic and unwise.

Always good to weigh up those pros and cons I find.

Without over thinking of course.

Wouldn't go as far as to say that positive thinking is a fallacy.

It's important, can come easier to some than others.

Think you need a balance - you write about people commenting on your negativity towards yourself, and that you need to give yourself more credit.

Think you need more positivity and are going the right way about finding it.

So you're not going to feel better by sitting around being positive imagining unsustainable beliefs.

Understandable.

Your behaviour will affect how you feel.

Coming back here and going to a therapist are positive actions that can go a long way to provide positive feelings, which in turn will help create those positive thoughts and energy that you can transmit out into the world.

You're getting that proverbial ball rolling volcano.

Plenty of people around that cage of yours giving you good advice through the bars. Picking the lock is the quick fix that can do more harm than good: you wanna break free, not break the lock.

Literally a stab in the dark approach.

What you need to do is take your time to figure it out internally. The locks that keep you in the cage are facing you.

Look at the problem internally.

Look deep inside the cylinders, at the pins, understand what's keeping you locked up and in time learn to fashion yourself the key to freedom.

You got all you need with you volcano, just gotta work out how to put it all together - that's the key.

Only you can do it.

Otherwise I'd be the first person on the scene with my heavy-duty bolt cutters.

Wishing you well with the therapy volcano.

Hai Glint is back......hello !! You were on my radar and in my thoughts.

I like waking and having a smile planted on my face. Thank you.

But, how about you Glint ? I think it's fantastic the way you think and support others, but what about yourself ??

Therapy has been rearranged by there side ;-( but I'm 😉 with it. Working this mo and back laters to my abode, that's where I need to be careful.

Our now... blessings to you Glint

Morning V

Great to see you're footsteps over the forum again. I'm well aware the weekends are tough so when Saturday comes(good film that) it's a smart move to see you active on the forum rather than looking at form and coupons, could be a new Saturday morning ritual for you.

The pain threshold, yep I did hit my personal limit but several times before that I thought I had hit that limit but went on to carry on causing myself and those around me pain and misery. There's was no light bulb moment when I stopped it had just worn me down and I had nothing left to give gambling and I don't just mean money.

Hopefully you have some plans in place for today shame the therapy has been moved would be good if that could be a Saturday thing.

When you came back on the other day I could sense you need a lift, hence the complimentary LU comment, don't expect it to continue normal service has resumed.

KTF

Lol, regarding the last paragraph Martin. But, there you go - proof in the pudding, you have to have a sense of humour to support the mighty Leeds and you've got one.

I'm working today, was a job and knock but the jobs taking a lot longer. I'm in the middle of no where, so a big barrier in front of me.

I liked Robs last post. To push on, im well aware I need extra foundations. Glints also stuck a chord, breaking free not the lock.

Last Monday when I had my crash, I did something totally out of character and that was phone my big blue line bro and told him I need to send him every penny I've got. We're not very close, very chalk and cheese. So, albeit now completely potless but didn't want a monetary loose round my neck.

This therapy is gonna be a Sat thing. Was unfortunate, they tried to rearrange for earlier, I knew I wad gonna be here, which is 3 hours away on public transport. So, a complete impossibility.

Hadn't actually thought about the point you've just made there Martin, ie having something else focus on a Saturday, rather than the footy and horses, knowing deep down that I would also get ambushed by the fobt's.

Roll on the school bell