Dormant

Don't underestimate yourself V, you get this addiction as well If not better than most on this forum...Time to stop swimming in circles - ODAAT

Hai Odaat. Thanks. But us one armed people have a habit of swimming in circles 😉

A prosphesis joke.

The old memory may be fading but I remember you turning down my offer to teach you to swim 😉

Hai Odaat. Your missing the joke a little im afraid. I'm actually a decent swimmer, bought up overseas, so a tad of a fish. I swim ok with my prosphetic, but if I take it off, I swim in left hand circles . Boom boom

You daft sod...I missed it 1st time round, I got it completely this time but thanks for the thorough explanation, I can finally cross making complete sense of one of your posts off of my very short bucket list 🙂

Hi V,

Well, what can i say. My bouncy morning developed into flat day lol.
Still, i am here and managing few smiles. Ya know what gets on my t**s - bloody stress with all that house & documentation & then i think i will loose my job and won't be able to afford it!! Bahhhhhhhhhhhh...it's all big mess. I know i missed few meetings this week (work performance daily reviews) but c'mon...i was bloody working and not clock watching ffs! If they had any decency they would of called me to join them. Or maybe someone is trying to stich me up :-/...after all my colleagues works alongside me but no matter how many times i asked to shout me if i get distracted with something...they never do.
Yesterday for an instance, i ran like crazy just to be greeted with locked door cause i was one minute late! Bull i think! ..well...saying that, i did have my share of voice then as no stopping Coo coo rattling that handle & banging at the door....(oooopsss).. 🙂

I am talking nonsense ain't i. I don't know what's wrong with me today, i just kind of tapping away, maybe detoxing of all the rubbish i have in this head!

So therapy for you huh. I was thinking that also. Esp after today where one person shared that meetings helps but she has outside help with other demons too. Maybe everything is doable & i can fit some counselling in...i shall think about it but for now, my medicine is rooms.

I would suggest you to try them again but we both know, that when person is ready themselves - the change starts blossoming from the within.

You got it in you, it's just a question of time.

Hope Sunday is good to you, stay outta trouble & maybe dive in that pool but make sure it's not a "whirpool" effect 😉

Hugs dear soldier

S x

o*g!! I can't believe i used a T word and there are no "******" to cover my dignity lol lol

Ah well, shall leave it there, we are all grown ups here (besides i don't even know what it means...me noooo Eeenglish)

Sozzz for my faul language anyway

Hi V,

Thanks a lot for your thoughts! As always they help me big deal ☺

Absolutely agree with you and others are affecting us as much as we affect them if that makes sense.
As i was told from an early age - you become the one you hang about with..yup...very true. We all influence each other in one way or the other and i guess, without GC in the first place i wouldn't of looked inside me and found first sparkle of honesty which hid deep inside.

At the end of the day i am an addict, i need help & i cannot do it by myself. It's difficult for me to reach out for help as it's still very new but little steps forward, i am climbing over my own created hurdles ☺

Anything is possible, it's just a question of how much we want to get better.

Stay well, keep posting

S x

Hi Paul,

I struggle with the phrase "great to see you back here" but, I think you know what I mean. So, I will keep it short and sweet. You were missed. -joanxx

See, and when I imagined what you might look like I thought to myself .. ELVIS! You're going to think I'm soft as a grape but whenever I hear that song it always brings tears to my eyes. The cycle of poverty. Whwether spiritual or otherwise.. always seems to end the same way. Or maybe not. Keep breaking those cycles! Now, I'm gonna pop on the earphones and listen to some more 70's tunes. 😀

Hey Paul

Let me join us the queue of folk glad to see you make a return to the forum.

Be interested to know what you've been up to and did I read you are gona see an ACT therapist? Certainly interested to see how that goes. All in good time.

I'm ticking along okay. Ups and downs but within a fairly middling ground so can't complain.

You've had some amazing welcomes/advice so just a hai from me.

Louis

Ah ha ha Joan.

I think there's a major difference between an element of understanding and grasping this addiction.

It took a bit of an effort to return last week to this forum. It acts for me as a band aid and i seem to be afraid to have addiction completely amputated from my being.

Geographicals is/ was a big part of my life. So, when I use to face the cliffs edge, I would jump on a plane and disappear for months on end.

Last year, without really hitting any new low, I managed to open my mind and look at what was holding me back and how it all started after years in the denial wilderness and s***t I found a few answers, even digging beyond my time on this earth. Thinking my way to my woes rather than action. Doesn't work !!

Something I found was another guilt I've held, which goes hand in hand with a guilt from my adult years. The latter I can put on to my formative years, the former I own and with them combined have been a partial making in this somewhat confused socially anxious chap.

I imagine there's many out there, whom possess different personalitys. I would describe myself as a very awkward unsocialable grey man switching to a very dry, fast humoured character, who's able to draw people in, yet runs when I feel the pressure in not being comfortable in showing both sides of me.... ' what's up with you ' a question, that always bugs me.

I am lost. I admit that.

My fall of last week was coming, in fact monetary wise it wasn't as big a damaging fall as I've been experiencing in my self induced exile that I've been practicing these past few months.

Paul aka the broken record of recovery

Very relatable Paul. Especially about akward/unsociable versus outgoing/humerous.

Often found,.....find, the need for a pint or 'whatever' to loosen up. To be myself.

Don't rely on 'whatever' any more - but alcohol continues its function but is so ingrained in our culture I can kid on it's nothing.

any hoo, the split identity thing, can be confusing and liable to cause a freak out.

But learning that I can be both, has been a positive step, but so has been working towards the more outgoing side of me. That way is were my contentment lies. So I continue to work towards it even if it's not yet instinctive

Which leads me on....I think your realisations of last year are massively important.

Yes, bottom line they must be underscored by actions/behaviour. Only by 'doing' do you get realisation that 'healthy living' (for want of a better term), isn't something you 'should' do, but is something you become compelled towards....because it's bringing rewards...because this way's now better than the other way.

But you need the insight in order to change the behaviour. Takes 2 2 tango.

It's in my dna to try and figure out what's pushing all these buttons. So it felt a relief to engage properly and actually get some answers, rather than dip the toes in and then shrink back - paralysed by all these melodramas about my identity.

Anyway sleep beckons, thanks for the insight

Good post there Louis. Thanks.

When I first came here many holograms ( moons ) ago, it was such a relief to realise I wasn't by myself and others had been sucked up in this behavioural addiction. Then when it evolved and I started to have a some what understanding of social anxiety, it was such a relief realising that others were struggling some what with the same ' symptoms '. Thanks for your leg work.

Agreed, my realisation of the first half of last year has been beneficial. I made lots of effort in pushing myself out of my comfort zone everyday. I dropped my maГ±ana attitude and dealt with things as they came, spoke to random people, reconnected with friends and so on.

Which brings me to try and get a handle of why I stopped doing these sometimes mundane tasks which really is called life and my demise back to the gambling fold.

Change is important,.but too soon whilst addressing ones issues is where my slipped started. I finally moved to an area that I never new anyone and isolated myself more than since my early days of ' discovery ' 7 years ago. I dropped the therapist and never told her, just dropped out. I started a new contract, which was possibly the biggest set of addicts in one place ive ever experienced and had no barriers in listening to the bs of denial addiction. But, managed to suffocate my addictions, but had no barriers to rhe toxicity of my surroundings. Then nigh on 6 months ago I moved to a new contract, where I am now. People I know, and new characters who warmed to me, but meant another Mon - Fri digs, work days were/ are good but the evenings were a lonely life stile. I started to drift again, no bookies in site, so became a local, then as broken record I drifted back to the doob during the evening. The first for a few months. My gambling started to drift back on a friday eve footie double as a way to handle my monotonous train journey back to some where I didn't really want to go, then the weekends would be full on mundanety of bookies in the weekend. Fortunately or quite possibly unfortunately, I had many chases and managed to scrape back to being even after full on gambling weekends. My head started to drop, I started to pull away from friends/ family again and I started to do just enough for work and living with another guilt that I wasn't doing my best again. I had a good few monetary falls before Xmas.

My arrival back here 9 days ago, I was very down, I new the inevitable was going to happen, but then I had to go to the dentist after a slip and bash of teeth resulting in a yank of a fang. This got me down more than I realised it would. Started to feel life is rapidly catching up on me. Hence, I needed a crash to get me back onto dry land. On my return to work after having the Monday off, I walked into an unscheduled meeting and a somewhat ambush, where lack of sleep, gambling fog and the woe me factor left me stumped, even though I was right but no way of articulating my side. 1-0 to them.

Since then, I seem to have turned a corner again and the side I like has reappeared and top of the game back at my work.

Weekends are going to remain a problem. But, I'm so very interest in finally learning and acting what I can learn about ACT, but with the desired actions.

I still have a some what reluctance with regard to GA, but heads back up and never say never is back in my vocabulary.

Long winded and out

I'm struggling volcano. In a constant state of idle exhaustion.

I'll be okay thought, thanks for asking.

If you're looking for why you stopped pushing out of your comfort zone, then it might be worth thinking about why you started.

Eat healthier, save more money, learn a foreign language, get out of our comfort zone once in a while...all good things that we know would enrich our lives...and also a common list of broken resolutions.

These are all things we might consider we 'should' be doing.

Should ain't good...enough.

If you have a reason and a clear goal to aim for before you start, then you will have the much needed motivation to get you to the finish.

A friend of my girlfriend had periodically tried to lose weight. Last year she finally did it. It went beyond something she 'should' be doing because there was a reason (to look good in a bridesmaid dress), a goal (look good in a photograph) and that gave her the motivation to achieve her goal (which she did - she looked fantastic).

Vanity's a game-changer.

If you want to save money then if it's just because you 'should' then you'll be less likely to work the overtime in that job you hate than if you have a goal to save for. If you want that thing badly enough - it's going to motivate you.

Language - booking a holiday will give you the reason and motivation to finally learn the language.

I had only ever been forced out of my comfort zone; last year for the first time I pushed myself out in pursuit of a career. I had a reason and goal which gave me the motivation.

It didn't work out, my past put an end to my future and I have withdrawn deep back into my comfort zone. My social anxiety has got worse of late leaving me unable to get out of bed nevermind my comfort zone.

I know I 'should' get out my comfort zone again...but it's a bit nippy outside, that new Cole & Marmalade video on the YouTube isn't going to watch itself and I don't have a reason, a goal or motivation.

Change is difficult. If you push yourself and all you get back is mundane...well, it's difficult to be motivated by mundane.

'I'm going to get out my comfort zone.'

That's it.

Lucky breaks can happen.

Or...

'I'm going to get out my comfort zone because...'

Now instead of the chance of things happening - you're going to be making things happen.

There's a big difference.

Make this weekend a good one volcano.