Easy does it!

Thanks for the replies guys. Giving my cash over is a funny habit that I must break. I used to hoard cash to gamble. Giving it up is a strange feeling but one I must accept. Something deep in my mind is telling me the money is being wasted by giving it over to my wife (who pays all the bills, mortgage etc etc) How distorted was/am I. I am slowly getting better. I used to think I was a generous guy but thinking about it, it seems I was only generous when it suited me to be seen as being generous. The act of hoarding money from family is very selfish although I didn't do it all the time. Now all my money is going into the family pot (so to speak) we are much better off and I can see how much money was lacking in my gambling days. Nowadays if an urge comes along I think no way am I losing £20 as I've just worked for that. Plus we all know how much more goes than the £20. If you are readingthese diaries for the first time just take a deep breathe and jump on in to the forum. You'll soon get the hang of what is going on. It has kept me safe for some time so there's nothing to lose. Take care

Thank you for your comment on Ade 's diary. It is great to see you doing so well.

Do you feel that going it alone and giving up your job has lowered your urges, you were working like a mad man before.

Take care

Kaza

Hi Kaza/Ade

Urges have subsided possibly because the job I was in was rubbish and had to play a game instead of toil to make manager's think I was working. Now back self employed I drive myself on to do well and no overheads so feels better.

I do not wish to give up gambling for ever I just do it for today (Kaza). If forever comes along one day then I guess I wouldhave given up for ever. However I just give up for today as that is how I fel today. Tomorrow looks after itself in its own unique way that will unfold when it appears.

If you are reading this forum for the first time please stay around long enough to give yourself a chance to see if recovery is for you. If you are here then I would say it is for you. Take care everyone and keep posting and reading.

Could not have said it better myself, like the bit about if forever just happens to come along, then I guess I would have given up forever.

Thinking about it this way just takes soooooooo much presure off .

Great to hear the urges have diminished, Not really surprised as the stress from your last job seemed to be taking its toll.

J.f.T

KAZA

Hi Smiler,

Thanks for taking the time to post on my diary. I appreciate the advice and have given serious thought to your comments, particulicarly your reference to the dangers of becoming hung up on "anti-gambling."

I wish I could say I'd read your diary in its entirety but this isn't so. I'm trying to take in as many diaries as possible and as such I'm forced into skimming some of the longer ones. I've read enough however, both on this diary and others, to see that you're a person who considers every post carefully, particularly when offering advice to newcomers. This is remarkable because you're quite the prolific poster. I see your name on virtually every diary I've read.

As the days drift by I look forward to reading more of your posts. Keep well.

Regards

J72

I read a stack of comments on here about how long until we are debt free. I am in debt but I feel it is part of my character and live with it. If I were to obsess about getting debt free what would I do when I'm clear? Maybe run up more gambling debts. I am not judging people on here as we are all different with different motives. I just feel we need to accept that debt is part of us and accept it rather than alienating us from reality of debt. Just an observation but one worth noting I feel. Take care

I take your comments on board and would argue that I don't wish to feel that being in serious debt is part of my character. A small loan or two, yes maybe, but not debts that are beyond our means.

If we don't have our dreams then what is the point? Especially dreams which are achievable. It is a simple fact that they are only achievable when we stay gamble free.

You are so right to be worried about what would happen when we are debt free. I remember clearly the last time that happened to me a few years ago and yes, I did run up more gambling debts, worse than before. This won't happen again and I will certainly be sharing this in my diary how I am ensuring that it won't happen when the time comes.

Accepting that we have debt, yes, but accepting that it has to be part of us... hmmm... dodgy ground here.

Just my thoughts.

Have a good day, debt-worry free!

GT

Hi GT

Thanks for posting that. Yes I agree what you are saying is true. It was a thought I had not a way of living my life. I'm trying to make people be careful not to put too much emphasise on paying off loans etc as this can put added pressure on ourselves. It is all up for debate as we all have different ways of living with this curse. Each to their own on this wondrous journey. Take care and thanks again!!

Worked hard last couple of days and feeling pretty good with where I am. Iunderstand that it may not last too long but it is just for today so I haveto keep it in perspective. I seem to have stumbled upon some good recovery and hopefully not going to dwell on it either way. Just live my life from one day to the next with gambling at arms length so to speak. Hope everyone is getting on fine and keeping their demons at bay. I am just about to go and deposit a fair bit of cash in the bank rather than a bookies. Nice feeling. Take care

Tnx for the support smiler 🙂 ....Hope you doing well in recovery...

Easy Li£e

Living in harmony with a gambling addiction. Never thought about it that way, fighting it, frustration at having it, regretting what it has done to you.

Living in harmony, that has really given me something to think about.

If I could get to that point wow, but is it atchievable ?

J.f.T

Kaza

Hi Smiler...interesting thoughts on debts and to a large extent I agree. I use to be up to my eyeballs in debt (due to my gambling!) and obsessed about it and then the day came when i declared myself bankrupt.. no more debt.

Did my gambling and my urges to go gamble then simply disappear?? Answer: No. It was just that the excuses that i used to gamble changed. In fact the underlying reasons that led to my compulsive gambling and my original gambling debt were still there. Becoming debt free took the pressure off for a while but didn't ultimately deal with my gambling problem.

All the best with your on-going journey.. S.A 🙂

Hi smiler and thankyou for your post.

Your right of course the gambling gremlins know what they are doing and the lower i feel the stronger the urge but i am fighting it with all my strength today as it will certainly make my problems worse.

Glad to read your doing well especially with the debts.

Stay Strong.x

My demons are still there and always will be. Difference is I know where they are and I know their tricks, or most of them. Self awareness is a great thing but I am still careful as the goal posts move regularly. Take care

Those demons are a pain aren't they?

But at the end of the day, the choice is yours.

Keep making the right ones!

GT