Hi All
Not sure if anyone else has watched the 3 part programme posted by Johnboy. It actually shook me to the core. It really hit home as I could identify with the desperation the guy went through. It is compelling viewing for any CG and be honest with yourself if you watch it. However after watching it I thought that has secured my recovery for a while. But no not invincible me. The demons where there again today! Have a little bet on this and that you deserve it. Not on your nelly. I have not gambled today and that;s good enough for me. I'll watch football tonight and enjoy it for what it is! Take care and try and watch the 3 parter it is scarey!
Whilst out today with wife and little one, Xmas shopping I had one of those mad moments. I said I would meet my wife in a dept store after I dropped the prezzies into boot of car. Whilst walking back to shop I spied a bookies and there it went again. "Why don't you just go in and cover 5 numbers £2 each one spin tenner won't hurt". I had no intentions of gambling but the thought was there somewhere and was real. I just carried on walking and met my wife safe and sound. I guess it is just habit that I am breaking. Complete madness really but one day is all I have and I enjoyed it immensely without gambling. Take care
My god, you're organised, buying the pressies in November!!!
The weird thing is, that comment you make about 'why don't I ...' etc, when it happens - that is, we DO walk into the shop/login/play the slots , esp in a period of abstinence - it's just like in 'Sliding Doors', you don't know who you are and your life takes another path. And it's always the wrong one.
Luckily, it didn't happen to you, and we're winning our battles against the Demons. But we're only a hair's breadth away from it at any time.
Keep strong!!
Business as usual today with gambling thought firmly in their place. Hopefully on easy street just for today. Got fair bit of work to do so no chance of deviant thoughts creeping in at all. Take care and it is another day tomorrow.
It certainly is another day tomorrow.
As long as we don't gamble today that is!
GT
Been thinking this afternoon about how insecure I am. Not sure why because my wife would support me 100% but I'm always worrying about things. I have to learn to accept that certain things I have no control over. As stated in te Serenity Prayer I have to accept the things I cannot change courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference. I am not struggling with gambling at present but maybe being a perfectionist is an impossible trait to live up to. Take care
Cheers for posting on my diary smiley.
Your right
'If nothing changes, then nothing changes.'
All the Best
Bern
Not sure what I'm trying to say here but I have been thinking of late about how I live my life. I think that I am a spectator in my life. I don't actually take part in it I am just the director for myself. I am married with a child but I feel I just watch them live their lives and join in when I think it would be right to do so. Just a thought!! Hope everyone is in a good space today and keeping well.
Well, I'm in a good space, but it's not as spacey as yours!
What could be better than watching them, and adding to their enjoyment whenever possible? better than being hunched over the computer trying to win back yesterday's losses!
regards
I'm in a good space today.
Day off from work.
Helping myself by posting on here.
Helping others by posting on here.
And...
...not gambling!
One day at a time, eh?
GT
Been really busy last few days no gambling thoughts allowed to enter at this time. when I am a little slack I sometimes think about a small £20 but speaking with George some time ago, he told me to modify my thinking when this thought comes in and just put a zero on the end making it £200. I do this and it works. I don't need gambling in my life as it has never got me anywhere apart from te quick fix. Then it is proceeded by lies and sneaking about to cover up money trails etc. I am slowly getting out of debt but I'm in no rush. One by one the cards are being paid up. If I go too mad at them I will get resentments and that is dangerous for me. Must get to work now so take care!
Heating broken - Engineer coming this afternoon between 12 - 6. Dead mice under floorboards - My wife says the smell is terrible I can't smell it. Environmental health said it will go in a week or so. Dishwasher gone west - so what do it by hand. Someone messing me about regarding work - get them away from me out of my road. All these glitches would have made me curl up into my little world and gamble. Now I face them head on and deal with them. I have the serenity to accept the things I cannot chnge and courage to change the things I| can. I have power of my own life to some extent and I am using it, not forcefully but just enough to make myself feel better rather than pleasing everyone around me. Feels different but needed to mke a change for changes to happen in my life. Take care and keep growing/going forward in your respective recoveries.
I am really enjoying reading new people's diaries. They are full of raw emotion and remind me where this addiction took me and my loved ones. It is easy to lose sight of why we are here and this is a stark reminder. I do read some replies and it feels like, to me, that some people take it personally. It is better to take a step back, for me, and realise the suffering and pain I have caused. I can do nothing about the past but in the future I can be a better person which in turn goes a little way to repairing the irrepairable. If you are new on here give yourself a good Xmas by not gambling at all. Even if you have little funds just stay away and give yourself a chance. Take care
I am in a lull at present and think I'll take a break from posting! This happened before and is dangerous for me. So I'll keep posting. The deons of gambling would love me to leave this site and isolate myself. This is new territory for me so just take it easy and see how we go. I still read alot on here and agree and disagree with posts which is great. There is no correct way to learn to live with this addiction. There is also an argument as to whether it is an illness etc. I really don't think it matters if it is or not. What I do know is it disables me from living in the real world. I bacame obsessed with gambling and did not think of nything else. I think it is closely related to a form of mental illness. If you are new here please tke a leap of faith and start a diary. You will be all the better for it. Take care
~Hi Smiler,
just checking in. I'm still reading, but not had anything special to say of late.
Stay strong and keep posting!
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