Easy does it!

Brilliant Smiler...that internal shift happened and now you are on the other side .

Once in recovery I don't think you can be complacent as its like trying to unlearn riding a bike.

Even if the wobbles come..you know exactly what to do.

Your growth and working on yourself wont stop and thats where you keep on the right side of safe...

Walking the walk with your rucksack and regular throwing out of cr** so it does'nt wear you down....

Take care Smiler...I am too on the other side of the old me.

Rachel and Dotty x

The madness of a CG!

Yesterday I received my new car and paid a huge chunk from my debts. All last night I went into my silent mode and my wife was asking what she had done. I explained how I felt and she is bamboozled. Maybe she thought I had gambled! The only way I can explan it is when I was a child I was ridiculed, by my father, if I did anything well or had some success. Them same feelings are with me right now. I have to turn it round. My stomach is doing somersaults. The power it holds over me is overwhelming even though I have vewry little to do with my father. I have to discard it from the metaphorical rucksack that we carry around as it is not mine. It is painful but I will grow through this.

Take care

Good Morning

Crazy where our mind takes us. Someone wrote on my thread yesterday about how hard it is for us CGs to celebrate our own successes. We as people pleasers seem to have no trouble , acknowledging others triumps ( not sure how to spell that ) but find it almost impossible to do the same for ourselves. If you are anything like me, you achieve something momentous and still beat yourself up. By looking for a way to devalue it. For example , if I had not gambled I would of had x, y , or z. It is like we are not worthy , because of our past.

Well give yourself a good shake, what you have achieved be it the car or what ever has taken an incredible amount of self discipline , and has not come easy. So therefore I commend your dedication, you need to do the same.

It is always good to hear from you,

Top bloke well done.

Dusty xxx

Ps Just wanted to add, that by posting this, you have given hope to so many who at times struggle to see that this addiction , can be held in remission, and the benefits that can be attained by continued perseverance.

Thanks DF

My logical mind tells me all that you say! Putting it into practice is another matter. Maybe I am looking for recognition from my father (I won't hold my breathe). Many years ago whilst in the midst of the battle with alcohol I managed a couple of years abstainance and my father stated I only stopped because I met my wife. Anyone recovering from an addiction will tell you that only you can give up for you and no one else.

I'm glad to see you are in a better place. It does get better as it does get worse. Some days are better than others. Problems in life are still there but without gambling we have a chance.

Take care

Hi Smiler,

Just popping in to say hi and another thankyou for your support after my slip.

I know how you feel about your dad im the same im now 40 and although i tell myself it dosent matter any more it still hurts.Like you i dont hold my breathe anymore.

Hope all is well :0)

Stay Strong

E xx

Hiya Smiler

A very thought provoking post which I read this morning and have been thinking about ever since. I had that ridicule too...what it has left in me.. I'm not entirely sure..got a fair idea though..and it aint great...but enough of me...

I'm sure you will work your way through how your feeling at this moment and get rid.......so as any achievement you have in the future.. will make you feel how you should.... satisfied...and proud of yourself!

Your a great fella Smiler..don't let anyone tell you different.

Love Del xo

Hi Smiler....understanding also the feelings of anxiety if you do good or do well....can relate to that too.

Remember and reprogram that you are worth being proud of my friend and also you are deserving.

You have done good....congratulate yourself ...maybe take your wife out and have a lovely meal for all your work....

Need to mark these great positive milestones I think so you have something to anchor to when the seas get rough and so you don't just remember the bad times.

Being doing a lot of work on past stuff and how it affects futures as an adult....so can relate to what you say here too.I wasn't ridiculed but I was guilted over everything.

Take care and still love your rucksack posts..

Rach and Dotty xxxxx

9pm Tonight on BBC 3

Gambling Addiction and Me: The Real Hustle

HIya Smiler ....watching the programme you recommended and very interesting about the thrill of the near miss over the win....never seen it like that before and a lot to think about.

Very emotional programme especially the journey of the narrator to heal the resentment with his Dad and find forgiveness...what a shame he passed away before he got the letter.

The more people know about this the better as it raises awareness in everyone.People like me as ex OH can also carry some understanding to maybe change peoples perceptions in a positive way too in a small way.

Thanks for the recommendation Smiler....made another night working away more bearable.

Rachel and Dotty xx

Not sure where I stand on the programme. Have to watch it again to see what I think. It seemed to be more about the presenter's anxiety than gambling per se!

Still! It does raise awareness again!

Thank you for your post.

Just wanted to say you can stick your twopence worth in anytime like.

I have always felt exactly the same when you have posted to me. It is like you get me, we both seem to struggle with the what's next.

So you are more than welcome , I am glad you believe I have helped you but can assure you ,you have given as much if not more than you recieved.

Dusty xx

Thanks DF!

I did a very strange thing today. I went out of my way to self exsclude from a bookies I have never been in before. I drove 15 miles or so went in and asked to self exclude. The girl behind the counter looked startled as I wasn't a regular. It took 5 minutes and whilst she ws looking for the forms I explained (short version) that I was slightly wired up differently. I told her I watched a programme on TV and it frightened me.

Reason I think I did it was I am feeling very angry today with gambling and it is the only way I can express myself towards it. I spoke quite loudly in the shop so as to make others aware that it is the best way forward if you have a problem.

Rant over

Take care

Well, good for you.

I wonder how we would've reacted if we were one of the punters in the shop (when we were active CGs)? Most would probably laugh after you've gone, along the lines of 'what's rattled his cage?', but I bet one or two had butterflies in their stomach, wondering when they'd get the nerve to do it.

Yo

That is the second time this week someone has said something like that to me.

I have been having a problem with someone at work, not meeting deadlines. This work needed to be competed, so was ready to do it for them . Another manager said dont leave it, see what happens if the work is not done on time pull that person, but by you doing it you are once again enabling them to get away with it.

So yes you are right. I need to leave things to pan out a bit more, see what happens, rather than pushing too hard to try to keep everything running at the same time.

Once again you have given me food for thought, it will be difficult to change habits of a life time, but if I can change just a little , things will get easier in the long term

Thank you for that.

Dusty

Smiler

A good way of expressing your self for the dislike of gambling, f****k Em!!!.

Good on you and heaping honor your way...

Strength..... exmug