Easy does it!

Hi Smiler,

I'm really glad that u r feeling better, u r doing gr8!

Stay strong and keep going 🙂

Black cloud has passed. Hopefully stay away for the near future. Keep getting cut off on chat so forgive me when I don't return, it drives me up the wall. A new day today and hopefully I can see no problems but if they arise I'll deal with them. Take care

Morning Smiler,

Glad to see the cloud has passed!

Mine too

Have a great bet free day

Smiling Lucy

Got to a stage now where I totally except I am a CG. I am sure I would have gambled today with all the football on. However self exclusion is a must if you are battling this. I can go out with cash in my pocket and can go as near to bookies as I like but cannot go in, full stop. I am now telling people that I have banned myself from bookies and it is such a relief to realise that people say good for you and things like that. The weight of the world is lifted off your shoulders. Great feeling!

Take care and if you haven't already, and you're serious, get self excluded without any excuses.

Agreed, self-exclusion really is the way forward. I just wish that bookies would make it easier to self-exclude from every single bookie in the country.

NT

I have been in a reflective mood of late. I no longer worry about staying away from gambling. I have those demons where I want them and I have blocks a plenty in place. Would be a task of epic proportion if I wanted to gamble. Trouble is have I moved forward in recovery? The addict in me still lives on and manifests itself in different ways. I struggle day to day with day to day living (if that makes sense). I make all the right noises and responses and everyone thinks all is rosey in the garden. I listen to a lot of music and in particular the words and this sometimes gets me thinking so deep it troubles me. trying to shake it off is almost impossible. I need to start living my life for me. I don't mean doing outrageous things I just mean being in control of small things rather than waiting for others to decided and I just go along! I am a spectator in my own life most of the time and I need to start taking part. Maybe addiction and depression are intrinsically linked. I'll get there I'm sure but some days are better than others. One thing is for sure above all I don't need gambling in my life.

Thanks

It's not easy these recovery journeys of ours isn't it? But the longer we abstain from gambling, the easier it will become. I am not saying that there will be a time when we can say that we are completely cured but time really is a great healer.

Stay strong and keep making the right choices for yourself.

NT

I agree with you NT. Abstaining is the key, however it's changing thinking that troubles me. I find myself doing nothing for long periods of time. Some say go for a walk etc but it is not that easy. It is a mindset that has rotted my thought processes for many a year and I need to change that. I will do it but it isn't easy. Got lots to look forward to as well but can't seem to get up for it. Hopefully things will chang in due course. I have had some great times in the little amount of recovery I have had and it is worth hanging in there, the demons will be exorcised when they have had enough of sitting on the shoulder of a non gambler!

Take care

Getting fed up with popping into chat and no speak of recovery going on. I understand that it's good to catch up but with limited time we must be getting some quality recovery going in the sessions. There is a wealth of knowledge here and new people need to see that this is the place to recover. Sorry if this offends andI know the simple solution is to not go in to chat but I feel speaking with new people reminds me of what is waiting for me if I want to return to gambling.

Hi ya,

Just wanted you to know, that I posted my last post in response to yours. You get me thinking about how I felt or how I feel. We have been through this journey together for quite some time, both of us get each other, and this has resulted in us giving a leg up when needed.

Your honest posts make me reflect on my own feelings, both past and present, trying to understanding how to cope with life without using gambling as a crutch, an escape or for that buzz.

I was with you when you took that momentous step to start your own business, and think that took a lot of guts. At the same time it gave you a focus, and a goal.

Maybe it is the challenge you are missing at the moment.

We both work hard not only to stay in recovery , but to make that long term commitment into understanding where we are vulnerable so we do not succumb another time.

I wish for you, as do myself some inner peace with it all. But totally get that it is not easy to find.

I will always be here for you, smiler , through thick or thin and I know that it works both ways. Cause your straight talking over the last year, has impacted more on me than any other person , you are one of the biggest reasons that I am still in recovery and a far better recovery than I was last time.

Stay strong my friend, together we can do this.

Dusty xxxxxx

Hey Smiler,

I've just been riding a rollercoaster for the past 3 hours... not physically, but I've just spent the time reading your entire diary.

Without wishing to patronise, you've done a great job and have survived because of your own determination and provided strong support to many along the way.

You seem to be at the lower section of the ride at the moment though, but I'm sure if I'm not mistaken, these things go up again!

Keep your head up buddy and look straight forward.

I can remember a feeling of becoming dishilousioned with things, with this forum, with the chat and all sorts.

I swapped this rollercoaster for an old rollercoaster I rode before a short while back and it wasn't any more fun, it was just as I remembered... full of the same old twists and turns that sent my head spinning!

This forum, both good and bad does a job for me and assists me with a purpose, to make me remember that I am here because I can't do it alone.

You'll be ok, let the clouds lift and think positive thoughts.

Positivity is a lot more useful than negative as it provides the energy.

Sorry for the cryptic undertones - I think I have actually confused myself!

But keep looking forward... you won't find any answers behind you.

ODAAT

Weldy

Thanks for the posts!

I read too much into other people some times and I should concemtrate on my own recovery. I just see that some people are not on the same recovery path as me. Well that is tough on me. Maybe my arrogance sometimes overtakes everything and I think my way is the only way. It is just that I really do care abouteveryone on here who wants this recovery so bad. It isn't easy but it is here for all to take. I am a bit apprenhensive in the coming couple of months as I have 2 holidays boked and I am unsure as to leaving my business for 5 days and then a further 2 weeks. I need to let things ride a bit but easier said than done. I will get back in recovery mode sooner than later but as I am careful with this addiction I analyse everything too much. Finding a balance is key and thus far I'm still looking. Thanks again and take care

HI Smiler,

Thank you for your post on my diary, I can totally relate to your post today, I to really care about people on here and there recovery as they are just like me a compulsive gambler. I have always been half hearted in my attempt to stop or control my gambling and never stopped with help, this time I open my arms and my heart to accept as much help, advice and support as i can as i know i cant do it on my own.

I wish you strength in your continued recovery, One day at a time.

Blondie day 28 x

Hi Smiler, thank u 4 ur kind words on my diary 🙂

I think u r doing gr8, this journey is not an easy 1!

U should be proud of urself!

Stay strong and keep going 🙂

Hiya Smiler..

No need to aploogise for expressing your feelings ...I think everyone on here who knows you knows that your intention is good even if you feel impatient that recovery is not taken as seriously as you'd like..

It is clear Smiler that you want the best for people and that you want people to recover and be rid of the demons that have haunted for so long...

I understand that impatience too,....if it were up to me i'd have everyone frogmarched down to coda meetings sorting out their past original causes but I have had to accept (kicking and screaming ) that its too deep for some people .

There is a woman in my group I could cheerfully punch who just turns up for coffee biscuits and a chat....

Have had to accept that she could be at home watching Corrie but she makes the effort to turn up week after week so something is going in..maybe subliminally.

I've never used the chat service because for me it would divert my focus and become a social thing ..maybe they could have more structure to it with topics to be discussed on certain nights if they don't already?

Keep posting Smiler...your good intention always comes through and when it comes to impatience at other people youd be hard pushed to find anyone worse than me!

Don't apologise for being you ...as you say acceptance of yourself is key.

Hugs

Rachel and Dotty xxxx

Our intentions are good.

.