Easy does it!

Smiler I like your post at around 9.10 yesterday morning where you spoke of how you felt your recovery had moved on to another level and that gambling and depression were linked in some way.

You sound ike me in that you genuinely care about others and are often asked for advice which you usually freely give without hesitation knowing that you are giving the best advice you can. Yet when it comes to ourselves we know what we should do yet we cannot or will not listen to ourselves and act accordingly.

Although this site involves us with others recoveries, we cannot do any more than be there to listen and offer advice when we can. We cannot insist they take that advice--after all we rarely have taken it ourselves from ourselves have we.

I know what you mean about being away from your business-in the last 7 years I have mainly taken 1 or 2 days at a time but despite my best efforts the recession, government and the banks have ensured that it had to fail. Now I am employed I must admit that although I have lost the freedom to take time away when I want I have also lost the stress and guilt felt if things went wrong.

All the best mate

Stumper

You obviously care a lot about others in their journey to recovery but it is still vital to think about the most important person.

And that's YOU.

We have to be selfish sometimes and concentrate on US especially when the going gets tough but equally, helping others is also a way of ensuring that we remain incredibly aware that this "problem" is still very much at large.

NT

Thanks for replies! It is good to get everyone's perspective on this recovery. As I always say there is no right or wrong way to do it, but I know what works for me.

Self exclusion is a must for anyone serious about giving this bad habit up!

Selfishness I'm not sure about but I'm not argueing if it works for others. I feel I need others to move forward with me otherwise I'm on my own. Maybe I'm jealous in some way if someone goes back as deep down I would like to go back. Truth is I have no intentions of gambling. I think of gambling a bit like smoking, it leaves a nasty smell in the air afterwards (No disrespect meant to smokers). I feel I have got to grips very strongly with recovery and finding what's next is what is driving me crazy. All throughout my adult life I have only known addiction of one sort or another. I have deactivated my FB account as I was spending too much time on it. Now I come home from work and as a bad habit I pick up computer and have to think about what page I'm going on to. Just bad habits I guess. I feel a little lost but I'll get there. As for working for myself I have the opportunity to take days off as and when but truthis I never ever do. I need to take it easier on myself!

Take care & Thanks!

I have come to the conclusion that I am obsessed with money. I'm not tight with it just obsessed. Last few weeks I stretched myself paying off CCs and leaving little in my bank. This made me unsettled and aggravated. I have now got some liquid cash in my bank and feel settled. It stems from my younger years when my father would leave us with little money to live on and no money for treats etc. This is part of my problem but I have to accept I could do nothing about it at the time and I certainly cannot change it now. Hopefully I'll be back on form in the next few days. As said previously I'm away for Bank hols and start of July and worrying about it in regards of work. Why do I worry about how other people feel if I percieve myself to be letting them down. My life is about me!

Take care

Morning,

Glad things are a bit more settled. Wrote you a long reply , but it felt like I was hijacking your thread . So copied and pasted it on to mine.

Holidays are something to look forward to, so I hope that you can work things out , so that you do not have to worry to much, if everything will be ok , when you go.

Take care my friend.

Dusty xxxxxx

Too right Smiler....Your life is about you...we only have one as no one has come back to tell us otherwise .

My work is off the scale right now and i'm worrying about cash and futures so recently my mantra is......

Keep saying to myself how many people on their deathbed say the words.."I wish i'd worked harder"

In fact none do ..as all people are worried about at the end of time is..Was i loved?..Did i love? and want to make amends to loved ones.

For me that gets it in perspective as my thinking can take me off on the scarcity thinking and overcompensation overdrive.

Your a good soul smiler don't ever forget that and enjoy that break over the bank holidays ..you deserve it and you have worked hard for it.

Leave your thinking head here,don't take it with you and we shall take care of it while you are away ...

Big hugs

Rachel and Dotty xxxxx

Hi Smiler,

Thanks for my post 🙂

Yes it is your life, your the only one who can make it work for you.

I think our addictive personalities make us work obsessive at times and i know i am trying to hold back a bit to give me a breather, hopefully your break away will refresh you and give you the bounce back to continue on your journey

Keep Strong

Smiling Lucy

Hi Smiler, thank u 4 ur support on my diary 🙂

U r doing gr8, I hope u enjoy ur break away.

Stay strong and keep going 🙂

Did me some thinking today! I worked out that when I was a child I had no parameters to work with in respect of discipline. Sometimes we would get away with murder other times we would walk a tight line expecting my father to explode at any time. I figure it is this reason that I know no boundaries as an adult and therefore my gambling and alcoholism took off because I never knew when to stop. Not sure what they solves and i cannot blame anyone for myself for my behaviour. Only food for thought and I will think deeper later. All in all good day esp with sun shining. Take care

Hiya Smiler

Sometimes I feel you are so incredibly hard on yourself which reminds me of me.

Just wanted to say that your absolutely right that as adults we have to take charge and responsibility for our own failings and issues but it is also okay to feel anger and sadness about when you were a young innocent growing up with no choice and living in fear.

As adults we have choices...as kids we didn't...

Sent with hugs and love

Rachel xxx

The anger has subsided again for a while. Hopefully get some stronger recovery going and get to next level. If I could just stabilize myself instead of getting up and then down about things. Looking forward to break next week but still tentative. Madness! Control. control, control I have to let go. I have no control over some things and have to learn this fact. I can rationlise it but accepting it is something different. I'll keep trying! Hope everyone stays strong today and keeps the demons at bay just for today.

Take care

Hi Smiler.. very thoughts provoking posts. I am much the same in that addiction of one sort or another is all i have known. Even today after a few months away from the gambling I still do other stuff with a purely escapist flavour which leaves a slightly uncomfortable taste in the mouth. But I am a work in progress and do my best not to beat myself up about it..although sometimes i still do.

And likewise I am also obsessed with money. I say to myself that its because i haven't got any money but then i think that if i did have money I'd still obsess about it in an unhealthy way.

As for the deeper issues from ones past for me although my upbringing was different from yours (which of course it would be).. i also new no boundaries. My issue was one of parents not being there to set boundaries and so at the age of 15 I could go out and drink late into the evening with little or no sense of any repercussions. Perhaps that then set the trend for my adult life.. ie finding it hard to set my own boundaries in life.. drinking until very drunk and of course gambling until penniless.

I am learning (at long last!) that I must ( that I want) to be kind to myself and set my own boundaries and free myself from self-destructive behaviours and activities. It is not easy but this is the way.

Take care Smiler.. and keep up with the thought provoking posts.. I find them very helpful for ME ... I am being selfish ;-).. regards.. S.A 🙂

Hiya Smiler,

Been wanting to respond to your posts as I have got alot out of them..but I find that I probably would be writing many pages! Would just like to thank you ...you are a great help in my recovery. Big hug

Love Delx

good morning Smiler... thank you for your posts on my diary... came to check how you doing and see you doing well.... keep it going pal

wee appendix about boundaries, childhood and discipline: hmmm i m finding it irrelevant regarding my gambling addiction and my recovery from it... to recover i do not need to know why i did gamble.... on the other hand i m looking for the answer why it s happened to me just like you are... it s not just gambling, also drinking, working etc. - whatever - i m just throwing myself into with all the power of compulsive nature - but it does not have to be a bad thing, we can use it positively as well....

was trying to find answers in psychology books, but what i have found is just a muddy and unclear.... have got sessions with psychotherapist, but to be honest now i m thinking about leaving it, because after every one i m in very bad mood and he does not answer questions either... answer is (yes, i have found it) - i m just adult child of alcoholic (with almost all the symptoms connected) and have to tackle the past for the sake of the brighter future.... but still it will not affect my recovery from gambling, having this knowledge, it will not change my attitude towards gambling and fight i m fighting.... just for one day

sorry for messing up in your diary actually... stay strong and safe

persevere. K.

Hi Smiler

I have just read your post on " ASK"

I agree and disagree... both to some extent.. and I have had a drink... so please take that into consideration, as i think my argument may not be as well structured as it might.

The support offered by this site is limited, and chat is only there for an hour a night, and if you get 7 people on there they will all probably be there for different reasons.... so in a way.. because of it's limitations, maybe it should be there for people who need advice or immediate help... but maybe then ... not many people would go on.

Personally, if it were possible, I think the site should extend it's services...

I go on chat... and i will give advice and support when I can... but sometimes I just need a chat... or want a chat with people that share the same problem... but I don't want to chat about the problem. There is a comfort in that for me that other chat services do not offer. It is .. i have noticed.. quite a prolific fact that a lot of people on here have lost contact socially with friends... and to some drgree.. reality.. and chatting about normal life can help those of us in that situation.

There is also netline for those that need one to one advice, but... I think that the chatroom should have priorities for those that need advice, and that people should stop the general chit chat when that arises.. which to some degree does happen... but not all the time. Possibly that is what you have noticed.

Anyway.. had a ramble there. It will never be right for all.. we need more than one chat room.. and possibly more time on it, but the limitations are such that that is not possible, I assume.

I do think that there is room for improvements to this site, as good as it is, and raising these issues is very important.

Sorry to go on... drink and other things.

All the best

Jon