Easy liВЈe/ fast liВЈe Dervkidd

95 DAYS...

Really a new door has opened, however, I feel very close to gambling lately and must continue this jouney adding positives to this journal, the fight is only just starting!!

Carpe Diem.

dervkidd wrote:

95 DAYS...

Really a new door has opened, however, I feel very close to gambling lately and must continue this jouney adding positives to this journal, the fight is only just starting!!

Carpe Diem.

Seize the day!

Just logged in 143 days, my life has changed considerably....

Got into shape nearly...

Gone out on dates....

Got more money...

Going abroad...

Built confidence to feed health...

Loving life....

P.S

Everything you do in life -is created by the mind, built upon a system that you have to overcome.... You just have to get it right..

its about getting to know what you already are!

Peace.

Well done derv, keep that positivity up,

Suzanne xxx

Hi diary,

I am on a totally different level this weekend. It seems like people want money and I have been contemplating gambling again. I feel that what I have is never enough and never will be! Family want money and I feel I dont have enough to help. What I do know is that I have been arguing and I have tried to tell them to chill out. They dont get it...I am a cg, and this is what has triggered my gambling from day one. I feel tired and depressed from early shifts and have worked over one year and have hardly anything to show for it all....Just wish family could understand why I am like this, and why I head for disaster...

Hey derv, totally understand your frustration, unless our loved ones get to really understand our addiction, they just don't know how much it can make us feel negative, some CGs are lucky, they have partners who have entered their own recovery journey, which is just as hard, but that is the only way they understand, hence posts from f&f like HL,and CW and that's just naming a couple.

My OH doesn't totally get it either, nor do my sons and they both gamble,but we get it and so we must stay strong whatever the weather.

It's our choice to gamble or not, keep making that right choice for you and therefore your family.

Keep strong, focused and on guard, because at the end of the day it is all down to us .as to whether to place that utter madness bet or not.

Suzanne xxx

Hi, Derv,

We may all want, but it doesn't mean that we're going to get or even that we should have. Even prayers are often answered "no". And the casinos/bookies/ websites should never be confused with any sort of HP.

I assure you that gambling is not the way to get money, it has the completely opposite effect. If in doubt, read the bank statements from when you were active. Definitely net outflow.

Seriously, the priority is not to gamble. Read the forum, phone the helpline, go to a meeting, do whatever you have to but stay safe.

CW

Hi diary, thanks for the posts guys I really appreciate your input. The bad news is I slipped today, £1700 to be precise. My insurance is due out and cant cover it. Next payday is three weeks time... So, it is back to day 1... I feel terrible and wish that I could resolve my blip, truth is I cant, i'm literally back to sqaure one...

Sorry to hear this derv. I saw your poste earlier and an sorry you could not fight the urges.

Your counter might be back at 1 but your around 150 days wiser go back to basics call your insurance speak to them before it bounces and see if they can help. Forget the money it's gone.

Don't dwell on it comeback fighting.

KTF

dervkidd wrote:

Hi diary, thanks for the posts guys I really appreciate your input. The bad news is I slipped today, £1700 to be precise. My insurance is due out and cant cover it. Next payday is three weeks time... So, it is back to day 1... I feel terrible and wish that I could resolve my blip, truth is I cant, i'm literally back to sqaure one...

It is tough and I'm sorry your going through this. Why not speak to Gamcare? get some counselling or go to somewhere like GA?

Sorry to hear this derv but thanks for posting so honestly. £1700 is such a huge chunk of money when you're outside the gambling zone but when you're in it... it's like pebbles on a beach. Any idea why you went back? If you don't then you need to focus on it a bit or you could do same next time. Thanks again for being so honest. Keep the faith.

Hi guys thanks again,

I woke up Saturday morning not knowing that I was going to gamble. However, my family was ready to argue about where my money has been going. It was obviously going into my savings account.

I felt that work pressure had been building up to a point where I had to ignore everything and focus on positivity, and it actually was working. I recently was offered a new job and had been working towards the offer by playing smart.

The money I had never came easily and I was paying my way to an extent but I guess it wasnt enough for my family, or me.

My gambling this time was pathetic. I was definitely in sellf destruct mode.

Luckily the insurance money already came out so at least I am in the clear for that.

Sorry to read of your slip D, you may be bruised but you are not out, your recovery continues,

Sending you strong and positive thoughts, to put this blip behind you,

Suzanne xxx

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Thank you Suzanne & everyone else who has contributed to my thread on Gamcare.

I screamed at the top of my voice yesterday...It was a way to release that anger...Feel awful about my actions and cant believe I went backwards.

Okay, day 1.

Determined not to let this addiction win this time. I can honestly say I dont want to return to that awful life.

Hi diary, just thought id post. Getting all the normal guilt trip and self loathing pangs...wish i never took that step backwards... Have to remain positive now!!!