Hi Bud ! . You know your the only person that can make those changes to attain what you crave right , So what's holding you back except you ? Why are you pushing people away when the thing you most want is love from another person , maybe your looking for perfection ? Not sure if that exsists to be honest , Gamblings an isolated world where we tend to keep ourselves to ourselves , even in a packed betting office very few actually engage with others , especially if like me your thing was the Fobt's , playing them I was in a different world and anyone even trying to make conversation was greeted with a scowl and agrunted reply .
So you saying what your saying is gambling whispering sweet nothings in your ear because it knows you'll have money in your pocket pretty soon and it's far easier for the gambler inside us all to justify why we should gamble instead of putting in a bit of hard work to seek what you say you crave , love, a job and company of others , all out of reach all the time you stay in the loop of choice , " Nothing changes if nothing changes " ?
It's true...Yet again I'm knocking on the door of misery. I believe that gaining money that I so foolishly threw, because of my lack of self confidence & running away from my last two employees...
I can see why people get depressed when they become unemployed...
My mind is craving rewards at the moment because I feel down...The further down you go the more rewards you need....Just like losses disguised as wins...The famous roulette trick when it hits that neighbour...You crave for it to be you...
Do you feel trapped?....I know that I have felt trapped so many times...I dont like that feeling...The spinning ball is free...It lands wherever it wants, freedom...Where will it land ...Where will I go?
A heavy break up with your ex perhaps...Even though you know she isn't yours? What is it with the mind? You want it but you don't...If I had money...Real money! I would find a way to throw it away, regardless of gambling...I don't need gambling to be a fool...Gamling has created this person that spirals out of control in all directions...I would love to sue the person that made me play the machines...Haha that's a joke! I would love to screw the system! The whole system is rotten to the core...People at the top use bribes, charm, corruption & let the ants suffer...Who are we?.... Nobody..How much do we earn? Nothing! How can we survive? Barely...Yet still we want everything...For the right price you can have it all...
Believe me when I tell you 1million pounds even 100 million can be wagered in 1 single bet....That to me....Is disgusting!
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M8t....That is the best bit of information I have heard this year! I totally agree...I am really concerned about the mess the monetry system has gotten us into...Poverty, prostitution, drugs, crime & war...It's disgusting... I have seen the world..Know what it's like to swim with the s**t! Messed up myself, then bettered myself...All for what? Nothing...Even when you climb to the top & see the difference...There isn't any difference! you just become a health freak, or a pig....Both of these things make you lonely...Sick in the mind & heart..Because time is running out...Our sanity isn't stable as a human race...We cannot control our minds...That is what this is all about..Mind control! And yes...The rich think they are controlling our minds...To an extent they really are...However, greed is controlling theirs too...We have to work for our luxuries they dont...The developing countries get nothing in return for their hardships...Yet still we still moan...I want things like a spoilt child who would rather play with the wrapper that the toy comes in! All the things we think we need..We don't!
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Why do you need money?
That is the question, it is a very good one too...
I have been gambling recently and the 200 days isnt true... However, i want to start recovery again! I wont reset it just yet! I admit I hav an addiction and want to BEAT the odds of this whilst it has me in its clutches...I will be totally honest and write my latest binge down to see if you can make any sense of it...Tomorrow!
Gambling is a loaf of c**P... I am in a tight spot lately.. I will make the effort to post everyday... Want to not get bored and let my defence down....
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I cannot win because i cannot stop...just need to reinforce my thought pattern...i will beat it! I cannot lose if I do not start!!
Im constantly reminding myself that gambling will destroy me if i let it!
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You are right...And it is the low self confidence that drives me to this b******t. I came back from Turkey just the other day & had around £800 in savings. So, what do I do? Start gambling...I won around 4.5k...Slowly and surely it has found its way back to the bookies. I went a bit over the top. The good news is, I have managed to give the kids £100 each, found a way to hold on to £1500 so I'm going to treat myself with that last bit! Then its time to knuckle down & find work. What have I been doing? Mixing with rotten people in the bookies & winning wads of cash and having 100's of debit card slips just isn't my cup of tea!! I hate it...I have plugged so much money into the machines & there really isnt anyway to stop especially when you continue to win. The joke is, once they reset the machines absolutely everyone gets ripped off for all of their money...Disgusting....As for online betting, I really do not understand that at all...That is for crazier people....
About the love & craving...I think you are right. Unfortunately, I had found someone that wasn't for me. All they wanted is money at the end of the day. I still dont believe they were looking for love. Only money. The problem with that is I'm a hypocrite because I too have been looking for money to buy that love, I am afraid that I cannot afford it! Therefore, I am a gambler! The opposite s*x has to take some of the blame for this too? Or do you think it is all self inflicted?
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