You are very clever! You have actually answered the questions that I have been desperately been looking for! I am really grateful for your input...Thanks.
...I have taken measures to get my time & life back by calling a number to self exclude from all my local bookies...Apparently it is all done in one go...One step at a time...Only problem is that the line was jammed..So, I left a message...
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I managed to get through to the Helpline today & they have barred me from every bookie in my area. Therefore, I am pleased...I just wish now that I had done it earlier, Christmas would have been a lot better (I guess that is the greed kicking in?). Oh well, at least I don not have to worry about going into the Bookies anymore! Good progress..I will now reset my calendar...Thanks again!
The horrid urge to gamble was there long before I started...I guess it is fear of spending my money and having nothing...I have improved so much by knowing that I have a life long addiction. Without me being aware I couldn't possibly have travelled and abstained for long periods of time. This time when I came back to it I was on a high..A winning streak that I started to get really paranoid about; it was if I was stealing & the bookmaker wanted a piece of the action.
The long hours going from bookies to bookies & the mess it left me in, when I finally arrived home. Head still spinning & unable to relax. Luckily, I realised when I started to lose 50% of my winnings that I'd already had enough. And the money, sitting in my account viewing it as nothing, not wanting to spend anymore, just let it grow and live off the profit is what I thought...That's where everyone ends up I'm afraid- on a high trying to get higher....Really stupid...I gave my son the money at one point then demanded it back days after....
...What is money btw? The natural elements is what we really need!...We don't need huge sums of money but we are conditioned to think big & unfortunatley there is no escaping it, unless of course you end up on a desert island somewhere- away from media influence & utter boredem....
I have realised that I'm bored...My behaviour hasn't been good; I have een compulsive in every way possible lately...It is irritating I let myself down by running back to gambling...The energy I had has been drained, I want to climb back to the top and I'm sure I will..It is becoming tiring, the weather is cold I have what I need all around me but fail to see it! Instead I'm constantly thinking of how it would have been if...The funny thing is I never knew I had anything until I lost it!
You & me both Derv, I had it all along but it took the gambling fog to lift before I could see it! If you see it now, you have goals. All the time I was gambling I had money to throw @ the machines so how the hell was I always begging & borrowing? It's gone, you can't get back those hours or the money or any past loves but how can you expect someone to love you if you don't love yourself? Your way isn't working, you have to try something else! You don't need to be on a desert island to appreciate nothing. You can make the changes, they're not going to be easy but recovery is possible - ODAAT
Thanks Odaat- the reinforcment gets more powerful day by day- the fog is already lifting... My honest opinion of how i felt after gambling is like any other drug, the short lived high and then a mixed up, anxious and unhealthy comedown.... I beat myself up this time because i got greedy... I never deserved that much money i suppose...im happier today and am slowly letting go of that irresponsible behaviour we know too well...feeling guilty about it... So embarrassing...at least this time around i cut the losses short that is the only consolation... I dont know whether i should remind myself?
Today, is my lucky day! I have reset the clock & ready for the rest of my life..It wont be easy but I am now ready!
I did lottery yesterday but got nowt..The thing about that is; I wasn't erratic & unable to get comfortable afterwards..I accepted the loss & am continiung in my recovery. On the other hand, the FOBTS are quite the reverse, they leave your head spinning whether you win or lose...Just thought I'd make a not of that...Lastly, I have decided not to do the lottery either...Better off that way I suppose...
Well, I been back up to old tricks. I went to Town and found out that there is 24hr Arcades. Therefore, ended up putting away £600. I was P****d off & decided to sneak into the Bookies. It worked, I thought I was banned from every High St Bookies; apparently not. Here I am back to sqaure one! Fed up. I am going to try counselling again.I still have'nt found a job & still looking.
Got to stop all forms of gambling. Lottery too...
The materialistic attitude has to go..I don't need nothing except roof over head, family & food...
I finally hit rock bottom today & it's onwards and upwards from now
I latch on to things too much, I need to let go...
I will post in 100 days...I will have this rubbish behaviour under control by then!
You will if you take effective action to block your access to gambling and get support via GA and gambling. You won't if you keep on doing the same old that doesn't work.
Things change if you make changes. Your call.
CW
43 days,
no gambling...I'm winning at the moment....
Urges slightly, but I'm holding up my guard this time!
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