Every Day Is A Second Chance

Spot on LB...well written piece.

Afternoon LB and thank you for your lovely post , when I put that post down it just really expressed the feeling of happiness , relief and the contentment I feel right now with my life , I'm in a great place with gambling no longer in my daily thoughts , and that post just seemed to flow !. You should really be used to me and the brown stuff going hand in hand by now and should equally be at home with my smell and mucking out the horses ? . The hat looks good from where I'm standing ! Thanks again and have a great day x

Bravo, have just whizzed through that post and will be good reading material on my 2 1/2 trek home.☺

I'm sure I've mentioned before but I love your presence and insightfulness.

And your far from Switzerland. You don't nick all the treasures and let others do the dirty work.

Another bravo and as some would say Tally Ho for now

Morning LB,

Big black bags under my eyes, have been up all night regarding the birds sh.itting on your windows. My conclusion is that either they don't like the colour of your curtains or the lack of feed your giving them.

So, as they say, take what you want and leave the rest.

Thinking only the ducks are going to enjoy today, so brolly out

Morning LB and I'm sorry that I didn't even catch yesterdays post untilk this morning , too much high fiving too do , LOL !

Anyway great post and sums it up perfectly I thought , I did notice a mention there and glad I can help at times , humour gets a a bit raunchy at times but never oversteps the mark ! . I also used you in a post from yesterday so I'm hoping you wern't offended?

Hope you have a great day and glad to see you back on the keyboard .

Best wishes and respect ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Alan

Just popping through LB,

Good thought out last post girl:))

Remember to take what you want from here and bin the rest, your recovery is unique (like everyone else's is)

I hadn't been in here for a few days either and I too stepped in to w*f lol, :)))

Keep doing what you are doing its sure working and as always yep you are doing just fine:)))

Suzanne xxx

Spent the weekend in Brighton with my oldest, closet friend. This was the first time she's left her children since her husband died, nearly two years ago now. He wasn't even 50, and her kids are young (11 and 9). I've tried to support her from a distance (she lives in Ireland) with lots of phone calls and trips over. We went on holiday together last year. I know I'm doing my best, but I still feel inadequate. But why? Because I can't take the pain away. To see her and hold her whilst she's in the midst of such pain is an honour and a challenge. I want to say it will be ok, time will heal, look to the future...but I know that's all bull. Life will never be the same. It can't be...and she has to learn to live a different life. Not the one she'd planned, not the one they'd worked so hard for, not the one her kids deserve. She's so strong...she's not hiding from her emotions but instead she's feeling every single raw one of them.She cries (frequently) and feels guilty when she smiles. She's not drinking, eating, gambling,shopping...she is not running away from the pain and for that I absolutely salute her. She is doing the utmost for her kids and she is outstanding in the way she prioritises their emotional health. She is showing a strength that I have never possessed. When the pain got too much for me, I ran away. Grief and loss feels like it has always followed me around. I know that I didn't process it well....if I had been like her things would be different now. But I can empathise...that much I can do. And I can be there for her and I know that she knows that. Often she can't answer my phone calls...she says that she can't control her emotions when she talks to me. I tell her that's the point of me calling. It was lovely to spend time with her, but I feel drained. God knows how she feels on a daily basis....

So it got me thinking about the nature of human relationships. We are unique in the way we attach and the amount of pain that loss can bring.Why, when we are so evolved, do we still hurt so much? Why do we form relationships that will ultimately hurt us? We love and love deeply...our parents, kids, partners, friends. But all of them have the potential to hurt us. Not just through death but in leaving us, or betraying us or hurting us. Why do we do it? Why do we continue to do it? Is it any wonder that some people decide not to do it after being burnt? Maybe the pleasure outweighs the pain. "Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all"...yeah right.

Time for a vino x

Shoooot, what a fantastic post...

Another read coming up, when i'm more switched on...

Enjoy your Vino

This makes a lot of sense. Thank you for sharing...i need time to chew on this but it's more than a good shake for me...thank you.

re my car situ. All is ok. They got paperwork wrong and put first car they have seen on the drive down...d'oh....
Nobody takes my lil blue golf away...if they do - i am attached to the wheel also 😉

Stay safe you...stay positive.

S x

Morning LB....

On the repeats but what a fantastic post that was. I had initially wrote a post reply to you from the one you sent me, but then deleted when I read that pearler.

Good and smart don't always go together but you do have both in abundance. " if I had been like her, things would be different now " Do you really believe that? What I read is a mirror of two, possibly different but two very strong women. Same, Same but different.

Your right when you say, things are never going to be the same for your pal, yet.......What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger. And my money goes on that and teaching her kids valuable life skills at still a tender age.

I could write on, but I hope you get my gist where I'm coming from....

Its ALL a learning curve..... and dependant on last night's vino intake, it could be quite a heady one....

Your brand new

Hi LB,

Well...your post was very spooky & how did you know what I was thinking about today?
Sorry to hear about your Mum's experience...i know what you mean about the shame...i recall having free dinners at school and when questioned why i always said "my mum has 2nd group disability"..what i didn't realise until later on in my life...is that it meant mental health disability.
My Mummy loves me...just doesn't know how to show it...and that's ok..she knows i love her no matter what...
...remember always grabbing her apron when little...trodding along and following her around flat...just so i can feel a little wanted... this is quite happy memory because she never pushed me away brutually...
Mental illness is not light subject is it. I thought (and still sometimes do) that i inherit it. I don't think it's the case. ..the events in my life didn't help but i truly don't think it comes from the same blood.
I also think that i remind her her own childhood..there is something in our connection we keep failing to aknowledge. She hurt when little and maybe seing me too sensitive to the world brings some memories back....

None of my family knows about my life from the age of 12...that's when i shut down..actually only few of you on this forum knows my past..strange isn't it? Someone who is not close to your bloodline can be so comforting and supportive.

Not many people talks about mental illness..it's still kinda unacceptable and being looked at with judging eyes...yet, it's quite serious issue...it's not exactly selfish move either...person at the time thinks that this will free others from pain and misery...i don't think they think about themselves then... just others being better off without him/her.

Today was a dark dark day...but the outcome is magical. I'm here! Slowly climbing back to the land of living...did you ever believed in angels?

You have played part for my day also...i live another day to thank you for being you

S xx

Hi mrs Liberty,

Thank you for your post. I'm pleased to hear that your Mum had the proper treatment on time and was able to live fulfilling life.
My Mummy has accepted that things won't be rosy again. She is very poorly inside out. I guess her being on medication for the biggest part of her life has done it's job to the inside organs too. Knowing her problem, i was always defensive re tablets. I guess i feared being as a experimental rabbit for doctors as she was /is. . She needs proffesional care at least 3 times a year now..it's not gonna change and getting her medication right only works for a couple of months. My Dad is an angel. He is great carer for her. He has experience in mental health field cause he is working with patients most of his life. It's not easy and the stories i heard and things ive seen after he come bk after his shifts (cut/ bruised...a flower vase landing on his head) was terrifying. Still, he is soo dedicated to the place he still works there even if had the choice to retire last year.

I actually was talking about friends to Rachel (she used to post here). I said exactly how it is. How the only people i talk to/ meet with are from this place. How it is so much easier to let it go because i know that many understands. I can kick off, go quiet, laugh, cry, talk dark thoughts and i never get judged..i haven't got friends outside..only the mate i share house with...besides all of you are a little older than me ( no offence) & even if i don't go partying or being crazy as maybe should b at 30 lol...i find the biggest comfort with you all..you are my light ahead.

My soul and body was bruised on many occasions..i am coming to terms with it and i know that in order to let the past go, i need to find acceptance first. Look fear in the eye..re-live it...face it....leave it behind.

Wow..waffle going on huh ☺..sorry...i planned to dismiss your reply...it brought a little shaky feeling back, but I'm glad I'm now typing away..find it therapeutic.

Have a good day & keep winning ☺

S x

Rant alert....

It's funny...earlier today I was thinking about how calm I've been feeling lately. Serene...a bit zen...well, boom that's now gone out the f*****g window. Feel at boiling point. Head may very well explode!! Have retreated to the bath with a glass of wine and gamcare. I was very, very, very tempted to bring Mr. G with me.

The reason? An absolute burning rage and a desire to scream so loud that I think it might break the windows. I really do feel like I could throttle someone (namely husband) right now. Destiny. PS4 f*****g Destiny...I swear to god if he plays it any more today I will not be responsible for my actions. I know he wants to relax, I know it's just a bit of harmless fun but how can he be so oblivious to the chaos around him? I'm like a f*****g thing demented...ironing, hoovering, washing, pony duties, cooking the dinner, sorting school stuff, changing the beds, going to the shops....4 hours of gaming. 4 bleeding hours. I could scream... But no, I bottle it all up. Bang about, strop ..hope he'll notice. He doesn't and by the time he does I'm tempted to go at him with a kitchen knife. Seriously...don't ask me now what can you do. Notice what's going on in the first place. Take your head out of your ar.se and lend a hand. Aaarrrggghhh

I know I should just talk to him. I know I'm acting from my inner child. I know it's history repeating itself and this is learned behaviour from my parents. I know I'll calm down (am already starting to) and it'll all be ok. He's s good man...he's just an idiot. But the thoughts/feelings of f**k you then I'm going to find some online slots were intense. Instantly a plan came to mind to get around the broken triangle. And I was already justifying it in my mind ( your fault...you made me do it). Getting it out is helping. I can feel it ebbing away...I will talk to him ( like an adult) but I still need more time to let it go. I'm not quite done yet and there's still a little pull towards cleopatra and the leprechauns.

I know I won't go there. Deep breaths...this too shall pass. Give it time...and learn from this. A trigger... And try to change the patterns. I know what to do, but find it so hard at times. The default mode kicks in so easily. I've come so far, but will I ever be fully free of those patterns?

Topping up the hot water and getting out a magazine.

Feckity, feckity, f**k.

d**n girl...hope no blood bath round your house! :-/ ..what are ya thinking running around with a knife and scaring poor Mr Galaxy huh!..no need for violence and hope the thought has passed anyway 😉

Good skills on fighting b*****d G head on and shoot me - ancient ages with Cleopatras and Leprechaunses has long gone...so pull yourself together madam and get back to reality ☺

Emmmm..no, you will not be free from urges I'm afraid, but as further you move on as better understanding and fighting arsenal you will posses (me no Eeenglish ...sozzz if spelled wrong)!...& most importantly - you know all this yourself so keep on keeping on, stay strong and never ever give up the fight!

Life is full of ups and downs, but that's what makes it quite an adventure huh..we hate it sometimes but the sun keeps rising and going down....such is life! Every day is different and that is a miracle in itself.

Be good and behave and pls don't punish yourself for having some thoughts..that's what they are - thoughts...they won't harm you!

Well done mrs Galaxy!!! Proud of you

Ps..now you can go and feed the pony 😉
Pps. Didn't get what PS4 means lol...don't ask haha ( must b tired brain)...but now i read it back and have a suggestion - flying lesson from the top window? (Cheeky monkey face ;-))...
tk it easy girl and talk to him...just explain that you want his help round the house also...I'm sure you can mk a conversation grown up v grow up ☺

S x

All quiet on the western front...peace has returned and everyone is still breathing 🙂

We talked...a proper grown up talk.I explained how I felt, he said he had no idea ("I'm not a mind reader"). We both apologised and have worked out a compromise. I'm left wondering why I still can't just ask for what I want and why I still default to bottling up my feelings...work in progress for sure. It was also another great learning about this nasty addiction. The call of the slots to chill out, switch off, relax. Anyway, I came through unscathed with a few more lessons learned. Day 90 (again) for me...so glad I didn't throw it all away yesterday.

LB x