Every Day Is A Second Chance

A good lesson learnt Hun, we can't win cos we don't stop until it's all gone, it's not about the money, once hooked in we can't stop until there is a big 0 on the screen, it wasn't your own money, so don't be too hard on yourself, but I understand the feeling of being hooked back in, NOT NICE AT ALL, and thst is what we must never forget, No financial damage done, but it's knowing the addiction immediately takes over,us, when we start, whether it's a bonus or real money,,

Well done you for realising this and please keep positive.

Suzanne xxx

Don't be glum chum 😉 I see my poetic nature is rubbing off.

I went back to see the therapist last night, I booked it a couple of weeks back. Was ok and probably good timing.

I think you'll get this but it's ok to be down sometimes, the wrong thoughts can creep in but it's just a case of getting through.

Maybe my body needed a rest and also im well aware from a potential come down from last weekend. So, aware there.

Some life long aquaintances this evening, so I'm looking forward to it and I have a rep of going when I want or early, so no pressure there.

Your sounding a lot chirpeer, maybe it was when you saw them peacocks? Between me and you, there not real birds, they were sent down from planet X and there really play things for the reptiles and other aliens. But, keep that to yoursrlf ..

Now, no glum chum

Life is good and all is calm...I love it when I can tell you that dear diary. Worked through the last lot of doo-dah (some of which was self inflicted) and feeling pretty chipper.

I was talking with my daughter about some tests that are coming up. Just as I was about to launch into one of my "I know you realise how important these are, make sure you revise...blah, blah" mum type talks she said "Mum, don't nag me. The more you nag the less I want to do. I won't do it if you keep going on at me". I bit my tongue and promised I wouldn't. I know she knows what she needs to do, but there's that little voice that says "yes, but will she do it? Can you trust her? What if she doesn't do it? " And it's turning out to be really difficult for me to not say anything. I don't call it nagging....advising, reminding, motivating...not nagging...but I really had to listen when she says it turns her off. It demotivates her. And slowly I've realised that it's exactly what I do with myself, and it's what I was talking about the other day about motivating myself by unhappiness. My own internal dialogue is one of nagging...badgering myself to do the right thing from fear or negatives...rather than trusting I can make good decisions. It's the stick thing again. Now, I'd never talk to her in the way I talk to myself but there's something in therevsomewhere. I'm a nag (maybe Mr. LB could have told me that a long time ago). How to change it though? Still working through that xx

LOL ! I hate to break it to you but I'm still having that same conversation with my son , even now at nearly 21 and in his 2nd year of a fine art degree !.

He's been home for a couple of weeks during his break but still working on a project that has to gio on display at Cambridge uni in about 10 day's time , stressed isn't the word , not him though, me ! . He's quite laid back and I'm fretting over his lack of concern ? but thats something I've always done and yet experience of him going through , GCSE'S and As plus A levels should tell me to just relax and let him get on with it as he's always acomplished what he set out to do in the past .

The voice's , I've had them all , from whispers to scream's but I find we usually come to a mutual understanding and outcome , now I listen to the voices , have a bit of a think and leave it to Que , Sera , Sera ! . x

Just coz nature insists I look like her, nurture has allowed me to be me & not my aging, extremely embarrassing mother! No amount of nagging is going to turn little one into a child genius or trout pout's wonder girl & short of leaving her in bed whilst you don her knee length socks & turn your homework in as hers in class, you cannot force her to pass her exams! Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying a bit of carrot or stick doesn't go amiss occasionally but no point stressing the battles you can't win you old nag 😉

My humble opinion is..........I wouldn't have a clue.

But one thing I do know, smart mah ' s produce smart daughters...

Simples. ...

Thank you for your thoughts. I have to say I like Paul's the best, so he gets this weeks Star Pupil certificate. Uncle George and my little Dutch friend were both good trys, but really...must try harder!!

I'm ok, I really am, about her and school and exams and her work ethic. Don't get me wrong...I've been over it in my mind many times (no suprise there eh?) and I've worked through a lot of guff surrounding that stuff. Do I push her too hard? Not hard enough? Is she reaching her full potential? Why doesn't she want to take all the opportunities that are open to her? Am I living vicariously through her? Am I trying to turn her into someone else? Do I accept her as she is? It was a lot!! But, this is one of the areas where I think I've really worked through it all...I know the answers...I've looked at my emotions behind it all...and we're good where we're at right now. I've realised that actually, I'm doing a reasonably good job as a parent and I have to accept that we are just very different personalities and she's much less bothered about grades than I ever was. I actually admire her for her attitude towards it all and I know that she'll do ok.

For years at parents evening, every teacher would always say, she's really bright, works hard, is doing well...but, if she could just put her hand up more....contribute so we knew she'd got it, show that she understands. Then one year, as we braced ourselves to be told the same thing, her new teacher said that actually it was fine that she was quiet. He knew she understood the subject, it was clear from her work, and that she had a quiet confidence about her. That she didn't need the validation of getting it right. In his opinion many of the kids with their hands up, always eager to show off or craving the top grades, were the ones who needed the attention, who needed the praise, who needed the recognition because they lacked it from elsewhere.It was a double whammy...I recognised the emotional stability of my daughter (yay!) whilst seeing myself at her age always with my hand up, top grades, great reports and, just as he'd said, craving the attention that it bought. And no Kelly, I don't want trout pout's wonder child. We met up with her recently and she's a stressed child under pressure (mostly from herself) who, although highly likely to get all A stars, seems very unhappy. There's a balance there somewhere, and I think we've found it (remind me of this next year when the GCSEs start!)

So, really we're all good....but it was good to type that and clarify it all for myself again. My ramblings were really meant to be more about my own motivation...how to replace the stick? Realising that nagging was also a stick and that, from the mouth of babes, "nagging doesn't work". So still, the question is how to move towards working from happiness rather than away from unhappiness. Answers on a postcard please.

🙂

That's my answer, as I go for the double in star pupil.

Lb

Interesting thought provoking posts today, for me I believe that we have gifted our own three children with a simple mantra.

Seek in life a vocation that you really want to do, because from that your life will be richer than any salary will ever offer.

As for chasing results as parents we have seen the outcome have devastating effects on the wellbeing of too many of our children's peers and I will leave you with this as a point of fact.

Our lily may got gcse results beyond her ability, from that she gained a place at the most prestigious 6th form college local to us, in their wisdom they put her on 4 A level courses all in academics, mathematics, further mathematics, English and accounting, well without doubt she went from a happy child to a stress head,life for a year went into a downward spiral, she had no fun in her life, the outcome terrible results in all four subjects, in the eyes of the college she let herself down and in truth they washed their hands of her.

She didn't get her university of choice and clearing offered nothing to boot.

Did she throw the towel in?

No she sought out the opportunity to speak to her university of choice, the outcome the head of teaching off the back of her determination to get a teaching degree gifted her the opportunity to do so.

Two years on and 70% of the students she started her degree with have dropped out.

On Monday she starts an 8 week placement which will see her complete her second year and be one year from achieving her dream.

To be able to give back the passion she found in comprehensive education.

Her efforts are greater than the pieces of paper she has earned a long the way and we believe in her because she believes in herself.

I firmly believe that the world is everyone's oyster.

It's about finding the right opening to gift the opportunity.

Sorry to ramble on your thread, for me today I thank you for the therapy you have gifted me.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hi LB,

Still chewing on ur thoughts..plz give me some time to reply, i am not the quickest when it comes to analysing all the malarkey i got myself into :-/

Good to hear you're in a good place!
Was thinking the other day....remembered me raising my hand at lessons..very rare...why?...cause i was scared to fail or have an eyes on me...it burns inside ya when ya know the answer but cannot voice yourself..when somebody else answers it..ya feel falling and kicking yourself for not standing up first.
Was just thinking - confidence .....broad subject on this wall.

Glad to see you're a mother many would wish for! Take it easy on the girl..she is doing her best and ...YOU KNOW IT!

Look after yourself and stay calm and happy...smile deffo suits you & i don't need to see ya to know it from the heart!

One day at a time

S x

Quick pop in diary. All's good. Busy weekend, no thoughts of gambling and some really interesting, productive "deep" conversations with hubby, who is probably glad to be at work to get away from being forced to think. Still working through the motivation ideas and which got me started on fault and balme...I'm wondering if they're tied in somehow.

I'll often blame myself for things. Much less now than before when I saw virtually everything as my fault, but still there are times when my thinking turns around to being my fault or that "well, if you hadn't done x then y wouldn't have happenend". I've also become aware that I have a tendency to put blame on others..."well, that's your fault. If you'd done what I said, this wouldn't have happened". Things go wrong...who's fault is it? Who did what?. It's not really a major issue but it's also not a great way to be. It's quite a negative state of mind really...blaming, who's fault. So, why do it? To motivate ? To get things right? To do things differently next time? Maybe responsibility is a better word. Would that be a more productive way of looking at it? I'm not sure where I'm going with this....maybe down another dead end, but I wonder how many people are also like this. I see it in my family members (my niece, my sister)and I'm wondering if it's something we've all learnt along the way. When I see it in them I can see that it's really demotivating...my poor niece's husband is at fault for nearly everything and I can see that it's not a great way to be handling a relationship. I'm not at that level, but still there's the knowledge that I'm doing it. I only really noticed at the weekend when hubby was cutting up an avacado...."why are you watching me? Am I doing it wrong?"...who'd have thought an avacado could bring a moment of clarity?

Anyway, I'm waffling. May decide there's nothing in this, but I'm going to be aware of it and try to catch myself and try a different approach.We'll see.

I get it...I think! When something sh17 happens & the red mist starts descending: like the dumbass driver in front of me driving 2 miles under the speed limit & making the red light that I am forced to stop @ delaying my journey by some serious seconds I now suggest to myself that this is fate's way of keeping me off of a road @ a particular time thereby avoiding an accident! Obviously highly unlikely that this is the case on every occasion given how frequently I encounter them but it helps!

Hi LB,

I recently had a conversation about guilt vs. shame with a workmate who happens to be a clinical social worker. He said, and I paraphrase, that he believes guilt is a good thing. It teaches us empathy, responsibility, the difference between right and wrong ( when we're kids) etc. Shame, on the other hand, is not such a good thing. The difference being I shouldn't have done that. I I will strive to do better now that I know better whereas shame tells us I shouldn't have done that, I'm a baaaaad person.... I'm not a bad, lazy, awful person when I make a mistake. I think the shaming part is what erodes my self confidence at times. Holds me back from just getting back up and maybe rethinking the path I'm on. Anyway didn't mean to ramble . Your thoughts resonated with me this morning. Thanks for sharing them. Take care LB!

re yr last post, I'm a terrible judger-of myself and others.

Don't beat yourself up-this is what minds are designed to do.

But u can notice your mind is doing this, and say to yourself (or out loud if poss) 'ahh judging, thanks mind' and let the judgment go. If you can visualise easily, imagine leaves on a stream and putting that judgement on a leaf and let it flow

Same principles can apply for thoughts and urges

Best

Louis

Hey LB,

I'm gonna take a risk. Mind you I could probably fill the pages of 5 books with all of the thoughts and emotions flooding into my brain but will sum It up in 5 words: It was not your fault. Sometimes self blame helps me make sense out of something that makes no sense at all. Anyway, I hate taking risks because I'm affraid of being wrong or of putting my foot in my mouth. I felt I owed it to that 13 year old kid who blamed herself. It was not her fault. On another note: Hopper, pronounced hoppah is a toilet bowl 😉