facing my fears

Thanks for the post lili....good to see you doing well still even wi hubby pressures of gambling....feeling sorry for yourself tonight....seems common symptoms among us comp gamblers....tomorrows another day you'll prob feel better then...chin up like you say lovely weather,could be pourin doon....best wishes we can do this. 🙂

Having a good weekend, although slightly hampered by an annoying cold I've caught - not had a cold for ages but it's a woman cold so I'll just ignore it and carry on!

Went to Inverleithen via the h i lls yesterday and had a lovely meal in The Corner House Hotel. Had never been down there before - what a beautiful area and so close to home. Feel really blessed to have such stunning countryside to explore in my own back yard, so to speak. Then went to a pub on the mile (High Street) to celebrate the birthday of a friend who was playing there - very entertaining, drank a few vodkas ( medicinal, of course - to kill off my cold!!) Great party atmosphere in the pub, dancing on chairs etc. Didnt get up until 1200 today - but feeling good!

Been thinking about this forum and I how it really helps. It is great how everyone, each with his/her own problems can support and genuinely care about others. Being able to "talk" and get our feelings aired, knowing that others are "listening" is so important when going through bad times. It's inspiring to see how we are all being nurtured and encouraged by each other. So many caring outreaching people, even though they have problems too.

A big thankyou to all of you - I so appreciate the warmth of this forum.

Hi Lili, it is nice to hear that you have had a great weekend, sorry to hear you have a cold it shall soon pass, good to hear that you are staying strong. I am going to make some fairy cakes soon, with icy on top, i have not gambled in 9 days today. it is taking me a while to feel better though, Ive been out the garden today appreciated the beutiful plants and flowers, I really do need to start cheerin gmyself up a bit more. At least i have stopped gambling for now that is the best thing i have done. Just need to take a day at a time from now on.

Time off work seems to go past far too quickly. Still off today - but back in tomorrow, so going to make the most of today. Feeling a bit lethargic because of this cold I've got.

Canny believe I actually baked yesterday - a lovely rhubarb crumble, and I even bought baking tins with a view to doing more baking. I found my old gingerbread recipe that I thought I'd lost so that will be my next delight! I havent done the baking thing since my boys were little - surprising myself here and totally gob-smacking my husband!!

Was checking out the B&B I've booked for our holiday to Italy - starting to look forward to going now. Had been having doubts as some family friction between my man and his parents - Mum in law is Italian and lives over there as do a lot of hubbies relatives. But I've decided that I am not going to let any of their issues bother me - staying in B +B so don't have to get involved. Have never been to Italy before so canny wait!

No gambling for me - no urges at the moment either

What is going on? Keep getting knocked down when I'm only half way up.

Had unplanned (as far as I was concerned) meeting with my supervisor today. She knew she was going to meet with me and so did my manager. Supervisor said she didnt let me know yesterday because she thought I wouldnt sleep well last night! I didn't sleep very well as it happens anyway - without knowing about it.

Apparently there have been complaints from colleagues regarding my ability to cope at work - but she couldn't or wouldn't give me details. She said it was not an issue regarding my work practice as my manager had no concerns regarding that. I told her that it was unacceptable my having to have a discussion with her without knowing what or who we were talking about and that I wanted to talk to the manager who had contacted her and who had the relevant information. She said she didnt know if this would be possible because of confidentiality!!!! This is about me - and I have a right to know.

Conveniently but inconveniently for me she was at a meeting all day so couldnt speak to said manager.

Had talk in general about some work stuff - she asks me about my anxiety which was fine until she showed up unannounced with this bombshell! I am now in total upset frame of mind. Now I am home and have time to think I am so angry about this.

I am going to speak to my union representative. I have seen other colleagues in tears recently - we are just not being treated right.

Anyway, don't know what is going on - but it's looking more and more like I should change my job. So fed up now!

No gambling though..

"No gambling though"...3 little words that are great to hear despite all th c r a P going on around you lili.....you could be right about changing jobs though we spend far too much of life grafting and for that we need a happy environment otherwise they then become long long clock watching hours....innerleithen,was that a wee drive over the "granites" then? Lovely and scenic wee place...best wishes we can do this. 😉

Hi Lili, thankyou for your post on my diary...bit lost for words realy!

Hope you are well and your recovery continues to go so well.

take care, ands

Had night out last night with youngest son and his girlfriend. he called me around 6pm asking what I was doing. I had been working till 4, but had a later start today, so met up with him in pub in town about 7. Good live music going on and nice warm friday evening - perfect for a wee drink wi' your family.

Just when I thought things couldn't be better, my son announced that I was going to be a granny again - youngest son is going to be a Dad. Soooo chuffed and excited!! Early stages so not telling everyone yet, but you don't know the two of them so happy to make proud announcement on here!

Off for 2 days. Tired, but happy. Must try and get this house tidied up while I'm off - too tired when working. Will try and do it all later tonight, so I can have a free day tomorrow. This is the first time in about 2 years I have still had money in my bank when my pay went in - feels good. Still don't have a lot spare and saving seems impossible - everything is so expensive - but at least I have bought things with my money and not gambled it away!

At a loss these days as to what to post on my diary for some reason.

Just dealing with day to day issues, trying to remain positive and not get upset about things I have no control over. Had quite good days at work - supervisor is not sure what she's supposed to do about the "issue" or "non issue" (as both her and I are not privvy to what the issue is!!). She is going to ask advice from her boss. Totally crazy situation, so I'm just going to let them worry about it and carry on doing my work as usual. If they want any meetings with me I will have a representative to accompany me.

Just looking out of the window - there is a wood near my house and just noticed a more than usual amount of midgie flies about. Was going to go and do some gardening, but I'll end up being bitten to death, so won't bother today!

My husband takes time off on a Monday, so we can spend some time later - hope he doesnt want to go to the poker game because that is quite hard for me to be strong and steer us to do something else! We have been going walks sometimes and going for wee drives and having meals out. I'm finding it haed to talk to him about my feelings at the moment and it's really hard for me to accept his continuing to gamble. I feel we are poles apart at the moment, which is not nice.

Congratulations lili on your wee announcement 😉 how good does it feel ti have money in your pocket on a payday as well 🙂 it cant be easy for you with your husband still gambling and also pressures from work but your still here fighting them demons...well done on your continued abstainence we can do this 🙂

Lovely night spent with my man. Had a meal in Indian Restaurant complimented with very nice bottle of red wine. Had great open talk with my husband. He freely talked about his gambling , how it all started. I talked about how it went all wrong for me... He has never talked so openly about his gambling before so I feel there is hope now that he might be beginning to see he needs to change.

It has taken me 2+ years to see that gambling is no good for me and he has been gambling for 30+ years. He has always said that I was a fast learner so we joked about that. But joking aside I think he is beginning to realise that he has to stop. He doesn't find it easy to talk about feelings. He said he went to a GA meeting years ago, but it was not for him.

Anyway I will be patient and do my bit and I'm sure that he will come good. I love him and will be there for him through it all.

We finished the night off with a game of pool in the local pub. So nice to spend time with him away from the poker table!!

Lili,it's good news for you re the forthcoming addition to the family!!!,and i'm also very pleased that your Husband is starting to open up about his gambling,his comment that he went to GA years ago at least means that deep down HE realises he has a problem,and as you know the desire to quit has to come from the gambler,just been reading that wp took his kids to Edinburgh on Saturday,it's one of my favourite cities as well,nice people:).

Seano.

Lilli from the lovely city of Edinburgh. Great to hear that your hubby has opened up to you. Really pleased that you may be making some progress. Us men can be right old stubborn gits! All the best Russ

Hi Lili,

how exciting that you are to be a granny again 🙂 its lovely to have something positive coming up soon.

I admire how well you have done in your recovery, and sounds good that your hubby knows he has a problem. I cant imagine how hard it must be to abstain, when he is not!

Well done, and keep smiling. You sound like such a down to earth happy soul 🙂

f x