facing my fears

Thanks for the post lili (I think !) lol

Sounds like you two had a great afternoon, which was great to read about.

See you in chat soon no doubt.

Keep The Faith

Lili,

Thanks for the post on my thread. I'm delighted that you did, as it gave me the opportunity to read your diary. (I read most messages but I have only read a handful of diaries because I guess if you read too many, you can't take them all in... nor keep track of recoveries).

Your story is fantastic. I liked how you described how gambling/poker was so ingrained in your life and the difficulties in removing it.... the grieving process. Great to see you enjoying life and your husband's company rather than playing with chips and looking at cards all night. I wish you the best of strength Lili. Imagine how good you will feel with a year under your belt ? Even more, the opportunities if you can get your husband to cut it down or stop. (He went to GA before, so he must see it as being a problem)

Brian

Hi Lili,

Thanks for the post on my diary and just to let you know the guitar playing is coming along slowly but surely. Just about mastered moon river now!!

Great to see that you've found a friend on here in Rusty. Hopefully a problem shared is a problem halved hey.

All the best

Stay Strong

Steve

Ahh, good to get home and sit down. Had a busy, but very satisfying day at work. Really do have some special moments which make it all worthwhile.

Moon River, Yorkie? The House of the Rising Sun is one of my specialities!!

Holiday coming up. Flight is on 30th, but have dilemma. Do not have as much spending money as hoped to have. Do we just forget about the money paid for flights ( it was my poker winnings - just booked it immediately after winning a tournament in April) and go somewhere in Britain for a few days, or go to Italy as planned using every penny we have.

Have some sort of insurance but not sure what it covers. Decisions, decisions!

One decision is easy though - I am not going to gamble! 🙂

Have been using the chat rooms on here and GA. They have been helpful and have enjoyed the support friendliness and humour that generally permeates these rooms.

However I got very upset by someoone's postings on the GA chat last night. He was pressing me on the question of my going to meetings. In response I said that it is possible to stop gambling without going to GA meetings. Then followed quite a rant by him. A lot was said,the gist being that such opinions shouldnt be aired on the GA chatroom as it is against the GA principles and could jeopardise a new poster's recovery.

It is an open chatroom and a lot of people use it. It appears to me that GA is a cult like organisation that doesnt respect other people's ways that don't conform and who's mission is to save others by bringing them to meetings. Essence being that they are doomed if they chose not to go.

I was taken aback by how upset I became over this. But the reason it hurt me is that I had felt comfortable and welcomed by people on the site and able to be myself and now I feel I would be having to watch what I said. I know I have only ever tried to help people on there. But without free speech, what use is the chatroom to me?

Hiya lili, i'm a bit mad with you !! (but not ever so !)

I replied to you in relation to the chatrooms on Saturday. It now appears that you either haven't read it, or you have just ignored my advice.

Have a re-read of it, take on board what i've said then write 50 times, ''I must not ignore Lincsman !'' lol

Hope you are feeling better today. Maybe speak later x

LIli

As with Lincs, I am also a bit mad with you. Clearly you didn't bother reading my post either!!! Especially the following.............

"Secondly, it is sad that some people, for whatever reason, are not willing to listen to the views of others. To my mind cg forums belong to no one and therefore all posters views should be listened to, providing they are not abusive. No one has the right to dictate to anyone as to how they should run there life and deal with there cg. Whatever method you are employing to deal with your cg, it is clearly working".

Between you and me I bit my tongue last night. Very hard to do as i am now starting to view you as being like my big or little sister!!! Also when i feel strongly on a matter and someone is trying ram there views down my throat. I have been known to post back in a verrryyyy aggresive manner! Last night, I left it at pointing out the hyporicy of the poster conerned. Which they had no response to! No one, but no one, has the right to upset a fellow poster, be it on here or on GA.

See you there tonight as per normal.

All the best "Big Sis"!!!

RayG

I feel suitably chastised, Lincsman and Ray!

I did read your posts and didn't ignore it in my mind, but my heart got too involved last night. Think it may have been because I had invited scarecrow (as I like to call him now!) to join a poetry group on facebook and was being friendly. And now here he was trying to indoctrinate me.. then dismissing me infront of other posters. On live chat indeed!! lol

I have to try to be a bit thicker skinned methinks at times. I certainly don't want to incur the wrath of you two chaps again!!

I even started wondering if I was doing something awful by not agreeing with everything about GA - like I am some sort of heretic, was doing my head in!!!

But Ray, as you say it is MY chat room too, so b******s to him!

There are more important things to think about in life. Surprising though how that really got to me so much though.

May pop in as I usually get a lot out of the chats but not answering any more probing questions!

Hi Lili,i know you like the chatroom,however i have noticed that this latest incident isn't the first time that you, or others, have been upset by other "chatters",i have only tried it a couple of times Lili and to be honest i am very indifferent about the whole scenario,.......,well actually i'm not indifferent about it,i feel it can do more harm than good,so i give it a swerve:).If i was you i would be thinking hard about whether i felt the odd good session makes the whole process worthwhile?.

Seano.

Thankyou Seano

Fair point, but mainly the chat on here is excellent and the moderators do a good job of making sure its respectful and conducive to recovery.

Sad to say my conclusion is the problem lies with the "ours is the only way" attitude on a well known site which gamcare endorses.

On their forum I replied to a desperate first poster, who had already had 44 readers to his post but not one reply and in his post he asked for help. 3 days after his first post I read it and replied. In my reply I suggested GA meetings and told him also of gamcare and the netline here letting him know he was not alone and he would get lots of support. My reply was edited so that there was no mention of gamcare. Now I get the crux of the problem.

And I am wondering why gamcare do endorse this organisation who actively oppose gamcare!

My poem for the day - not really gambling related but I'd rather be writing poems than gambling!

DISAGREEABLE

As I see it

in my opinion

look at it this way

please hear me out

you may not agree

but just bear with me

with all due respect

there's no need to shout

(copyright Lili Aug 2010)

Lili

Not my own work. But hope you like it..........

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,

It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

- Author unknown (abridged by RayG Aug 2010)

All the best

RayG

Like your poem Ray - thankyou

On holiday now for 2 weeks! Good feeling

Italy or Spain? Have to decide tomorrow. can change the flights and go see my son. Would certainly cost less in the long run.. but I've never been to Italy....

Lili

Go where your heart take's you?!

Whatever you choose.

All the best

RayG

Decision made. Changed flights last night, totally ripped off, but original flights to Italy were paid with poker winnings so easy to forget that Ryan Air have got too much of that money!

Phoned son this morning and asked if he'd like to see his Mum on Thursday. They were all so excited and said what a lovely surprise - definfitely the right decision. Looking forward to going and have a few days to get organised as we don't leave until Thursday evening.

Aberdeen lost to Kilmarnock today which is not good but .. you can't win em all, I suppose.