facing my fears

Hi Lili

Thanks for post. I am willing to take on board advice and have done over my 6 months on here and it has been really helpful.

Unfortunately there are some on here though who can only suggest complete abstinence. That has never been what I wanted and because I have chosen a solution which means continuing to gamble in a controlled fashion there are a few who want to see my fail. They dont believe CGs can ever bet in a controlled way and they dont want me to prove them wrong.

Good to read that your own recovery is going well.

Thanks for the posts people

I hope you do prove us wrong because I want you to succeed captain, however you manage to do it.

Day 3 of week 4. I am anticapating possible dilemma tonight. It's Monday and the huge value poker tournament is on at casino. Only £3 to register with option to buy in again for £30 plus £30 add on. he casino also add 1k at the moment, big promotion thing to compete with rival casino. There are usually > 100 players, most of them paying the £60 so prize pool is big, and for £3 undeniably good value in monetary terms. (I did win it once for only £3) I nearly went last week and was going to take just the £3 with me, but I decided it wasnt worth risking my recovery at this stage and decided to wait until my counselling. I heard my husband talking on the phone to a fellow player the other day, and I think he wants to play tonight. I have a feeling he will suggest going. Just trying to prepare myself for that. I'm likely to be tempted if he does mention it - especially if he goes, as I do like to spend time with him and do enjoy a game of poker. In theory spending £3 wont harm us - the big question is - Will playing the game harm me?

Thanks for the post lili..,hmmm my experience of these diaries is when people anticipate going into a gambling environment it means there minds already made up and the usual outcome is bets will be placed....its all down to the individual though..as ive pointed out manys a time gamcare is about being resonsible and 99.9% of us on here cant do that....be careful whatever route you choose....

Hi Lili

Thanks for all your support, I do think tonight will be a challenge, Like you I love a game of poker and Im not sure I could go and play it and leave it at that, I think at this stage I would get sucked back in. Take care and if you do decide to go Enjoy, just know I couldnt.

Teresa

I knew it really anyway. Last 2 days when I've phoned and not got through, knew he was in the bookies. Supposed to be working. He's just told me he blew a lot today, didnt mention exact figure and I don't really care. But it means he has to work till late and he had planned for us to spend time together tonight. I know there are times I don't know about his gambling -times when he's won and let me think he'd worked for it. Well I suppose I do suspect it, but now I know he's quite prepared to lie to me. What's the point? I'm doing my best and he's still acting like an idiot. He knows he doesn't have to lie.

Really has put me on a downer. Eating my dinner on my own again. I feel like I spend nearly all my time on my own these days.

Sorry this post is bleak but I'm just writing my thoughts and I'm so angry!

Hope you're all doing fine.

Very difficult for you Lili,and i can't pretend to know the answers,all i can suggest is that you maybe talk to netline,they may be able to offer advice on strategies to help you.....,it must be very hard for you to quit whilst your Husband continues to gamble,and (excuse any assumption) you are probably starting to realise that gambling is a bigger part of his life than you thought.I hope you can stay strong yourself,at this time that is what matters most.

Seano,

Actually more reason now to play that stupid poker game and try to win, but I'm not going to. I wrote a poem today

Wisdom

She walks away when Folly she senses

not bidding good-day to Greed, Hate and Pride

She will not disappoint so Patience can wait for her

Knowledge can safely walk by her side

She knows when to speak and when to stay silent

She gives what she can and graciously takes

She's wearing a shawl Humility gave her

because she was born from many mistakes

Sorry to hear you are feeling angry but under the circumstances I can understand why.I dont have a partner so always eat alone. but then my gambling only affects me.Thinking of you and hope your evening gets better.

Teresa

Thanks Seano and Teresa.

I might go on the netline - they do help a lot.

Teresa, if we lived closer, we could eat together -lol. Don't even have any wine tonight, but I'll just drink my man's beer (it'll serve him right -he he)

I hope Italy get slaughtered, cos my man's half Italian and will be supporting them. No, only joking and he's probably bet on them anyway so I canny win, can I?!!

Anyway, I'm going to open a can of beer and try to calm down. I've a cheek not to try to understand him. He has gambled all his life, but he hasn't come to point of wanting to quit yet. Maybe I'm being selfish, but he is going to have to because I don't think I can do this if he's still going to gamble.

Hope your feeling better now lili...must be very difficult when your hubby likes to punt as well.,take it the poker night was a no no...well done we can do this 😉

Has not been a very good night. Drinking beer and waiting for wayward husband to come home to have a long talk.

Spoke to someone on netline and it was helpful. Going to try to get our finances sorted in a way that the burden doesn't feel all on my shoulders. I get paid monthly and all the bills are paid through my bank with that money. My husband earns daily (when he's not losing it in the bookies) so it's impossible to know exactly what money we have/should have had and it's easier for him to gamble with it.

I want the lies to stop too as I have taken to driving to bookies to see if his taxi is parked there, which is rediculous! I set off this afternoon to do that but turned back as I thought what point was there? if he's there then he's there and I can't do much about it. He was there and losing all his money!

Enough of that, I'm fed up even thinking about it. Football has been pretty rubbish. Think this might be the World Cup that noone remembers - or will we have that continuous drone from the horns ringing in our ears for the rest of our lives?!

hi Lili.

I've not commented on your diary before but I've just read about your struggles with Poker and you seem to have come a long way since your first post. I really sympathise for you with your hubby being a gambler as I don't think anyone can be forced to stop they have to decide for themselves. Is there anyway you can separate the bills a bit more so you have a bit less burden on your shoulders? He might be more responsible if he has to do some bills himself? Hope you don't mind me offering this advice as I don't really know you & your situation! I was just trying to think what I would do if it was my husband!

Also I think you should concentrate on your own recovery for now, you can encourage your partner to stop but be careful you do not end up with the burden of 2 recoveries.

Whatever you decide to do you know we will be here for you on this forum, I wish you all the best.

4D

Morning fellow ex gamblers

Well, what a horrible night. Husband didn't come home until 3.30.His phone was out of charge so no phone call. And guess what he was in the casino, which I knew by that time. I went to bed at 3 o'clock but wasn't asleep when he came in and needless to say didn't get to sleep for a good while after - although he was snoring away merrily.

Apart from him saying he was sorry and a brief rant from me there hasnt been much talking. It wasn't the time to go into everything. He was tired and I felt exhausted ,drained and very upset.

I feel like crying now, but I'm holding back the tears as I don't know if I'd be able to stop if I start. I am fed up crying.

This morning I have worked out what he needs to give me to cover a fair share of the bills. I've decided on a round figure of £100 a week, which is roughly the amount of reduction in pay I've had since I cut my hours to 30. So will present my proposals to him when he returns. He's off to work again. I feel a bit sorry for him, but I'm a tad too angry and sorry for myself at the moment to offer tea and sympathy!

At least I have a plan - a cunning plan! lol

Hi Lili im so sorry to hear of your upset. I have no idea how hard it must be trying to come to terms with your own gambling when your partner also gambles 🙁 Feel for you really do. I dont know how much you have talked to him but he needs to know how upset this has made. And win or loose maybe giving sympathy to him at this moment is not the right course of action. I know myself if I was ever to get a comfortaing arm from my wife in regards gambling I would see that as A green light.

We all here for you Lili please let us know how you are. Sending you warm thoughts Blocked.

Hi Lili,

I hope that you've managed to come to some sort of arrangement with your hubby with the bills etc. I think a few posts have brought a good point across and that is that you shouldn't burden yourself with 2 recoveries to deal with, just try and deal with your own to start with. Having just said that, I can understand how immensely difficult that will be when you are sharing your life with someone who you would probably rely on for support in any other circumstance. Just keep posting your thoughts and feelings and keep getting as much support as you can and need on here.

Is there any friends you can confide in?

All the best.

Stay Strong

Steve