This is my 117 day free from gambling. Today is the day that my girlfriend has left me. She tried to make it work after finding out about my huge gambling debt a couple of months ago, but, has now decided that she is fed up with feeling sad. We've been together for six years, during the last three of those I struggled with a gambling problem - and the last two months the truth has come out.
Over the last 116 days I feel I have tackled the root cause of my gambling through sessions with a Gamcare counsellor. I no longer have urges to gamble - partly because I spend every spare penny on clearing debt.
I have nothing left. I have no girlfriend, no friends and I am saddled with a debt that will take me months to clear. More than anything, I am left with no identity - for years I have been living in a world of secrets and lies that I had created for myself and those who thought they knew me. Now that everything has eroded around me - those closest to me know the pathetic truth of who I really am.
Whilst I am not contemplating the easy way out - I am sad beyond belief. I can't say I am a shadow of my former self - as that was not even me - it was an illusion - created by a fool, designed to trick himself into believing that everything was going great.
Whilst I am distraught that my girlfriend has left me as a result of the devastation I have caused - the realisation of who I really am and that she is right to protect herself from my foolish ways is almost too painful to bear.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. I'd very much appreciate any advice and support from those suffering a similar fate.
Hi
Firstly well done and congratulations on getting to 117 days - well done also for appearing to be positive
I am very sorry to hear about your girlfriend, it can't be easy for her to get her head around the type of people we are... I say this quite sadly cos I just cannot bear to tell my wife about my issues - luckily I've managed to get here before my debt had run up that much. She thinks I stopped 6 yrs ago ( liar and deceitful that's me)
However speaking to people here and getting good support and feedback is what counts
Underdod23 you are not alone you have great support here
I hope you stay strong - best regards
Glads Dad
your doing so well 117 days so well done , keep ploughing at the debt , keep going , yes your girl friend has left you but do not let this knock you back , my girlfriend when I see her face when I have mentioned it gives off an expression of just confusion like why would I do that stupid thing , so I understand if your girlfriend did not understand you as mine also does not understand the habbit . but while your finding yourself again don't gamble get debt free and once you are debt free and have found yourself again watch your savings build back up, think what next you want out of life , I know you must want her back , she may come back but if not you must eventually move on and find a new soul mate but this time knowing never to gamble again as you know after hitting rock bottom you know that you cant gamble again as you have learned what it has taken from you in the past , time, your partner , money , given you debt , short term taken who you are , ect ect... a good time now to find who you are again while your single ,then build from that staying gamble free, killing the debt then onwards and upwards with your life , good luck pal it must be hard I only hope I can get to your stage of being gamble free , thanks simon
Sorry to hear of your troubles mate,
Very similar to my own situation> I now have very little contact with my family due to my latest slip.
You are dong really well to stay gambling free for 100 plus days, keep it up mate. If you girl loves you she may be back, I really do hope so mate.
Its so difficult telling family about slips, after all they have heard it all before. Debts will go down over time that's a given. I also have debts, although only a fraction of what they were.
Good luck and stay strong mate..
So sorry that you are feeling low, but as others have said, this is your chance to find your true self and get rid of the lying, deceit and self-delusion which goes hand in hand with compulsive gambling. You have done really well to have come this far, so give yourself a pat on the back instead of hitting yourself over the head with all those negative feelings.
Perhaps your girlfriend has done the wisest thing in putting some space between you; it sounds as if she is a thoughtful girl, and who knows, in time when she sees how committed you are to ridding yourself of this blight then you may both have a future together.
But whatever happens in your relationship, now is the time to build on what you have already achieved and to take comfort and support from the good people on this site.
There is a better life for you out there - *** it!
Best wishes,
Joanna
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