Festina Lente

Yo,

If Duncs is right and you are about to leave stage left

I needed to write a few things

Firstly I thank you so much for the laughter along the way . Secondly thank you for your support through my dad's illness , you more than anyone understood how difficult it was and through your support got me through what was a very difficult period in my life.

So end by saying you will always hold a place in my memory as someone who made this journey I have been easier , I hope you get to use your creative talent as a pathway to finding your way in this world and that it brings you happiness although you will probs still be a miserable git , keep those superman Jim jams pressed you never know when you might need to save the world

Take care my friend ,

Shiny xxx

Hi, fellow disciples, cult members, happiness deniers, and self deluding misfits I ain't voluntarily going anywhere. Not even for a sixty day sulk. I thoroughly expect a reprimand from the mods though because of a mere opinion. No, I want to carry on enjoying the freedom not gambling brings and write nonesense, on here, if and when I want to. Rest easy oh Shiny and ease back into Candy Crush. Duncs my email is written in every pub's ladies lavatory throughout the land, under the title 'n***e.' Finally S.A. I believe more than anything that you're doing the right thing, everything will turn out ace. Time to sleep now, ready to answer any flak tomorrow, about tea time, business to deal with first. Night all.

Thanks for the post Steve and for taking the time and effort to resurrect a number of my posts on diaries.

My smile got bigger and bigger as I read through.

You have some interesting interpretations.

All the best.

Laz,

You are clearly a very intelligent man because you posted what I attempted, but failed, to deliver.

Captains response on your diary - "You have some interesting interpretations". You interpreted his posts in the exact same way as I did.

I have no doubt whatsoever his post about the near win at the bookies is designed to harm.

Tomso.

Hi Lazarus,

Iv'e just been reading round the forum. You get me smiling. Your writing a reply to someone else about something else and then you throw in a supportive comment to me. That's lovely, thank you. I'd shake your hand if we met in the street. Cheers... S.A 🙂

Hi Lazarus,

Never posted to you, but you sound right character, full of fun, determination and belief!!

Keep it up..and If I met u in a street, I would give u a hug :-)))

Take care

Day at a time

Sandra x

Steg

Fella if I met you in the street it would be kissing!! tongues and all.

Sorry about last nights post, it was written out of irony, I believed you would be expelled for your post, it seems gamcare takes a strange stance to equalibrium, my southern humour not carrying it off like your dear sir

I will leave the humour to you.

Keep up with the therapy

duncs stepping forward never back.

Hi Lazarus

Just recently came across your diary in the last couple of days and felt it deserved a few positive comments:

Firstly, a huge well done on how you have handled your abstinence from day one, through sheer willpower. Secondly, it is lovely whilst going through this, we can remain optimistic and entertaining in our posts. Thirdly, it appears that lots of other people have very much benefited from reading your diary, including myself.

May your hard work and commitment for a better future continue - you are a star!!

Take care.

Feb.

P.s: I am assuming you are from where I am from - Liverpool?? and further assuming that you are a "Red Nose"? eek - I'm a "Blue Nose" all the way!! ha!

Well I'm still here and to be honest I did expect and was ready for a more negative reaction. Thank you for your words Tomso, SA, Shiny, Duncs, Sandra and Feb. I got no pleasure in what I said but I felt I had to say it. It's done now, I just hope everything settles down and everyone can focus on what's really important and what's brought us all together- to give up and free ourselves from the destructiveness of gambling and better our lives. It's that simple.

It would have been lovely to have shook SA's hand and received a hug from Sandra but Duncs tickling my tonsils! Well, it's right what they say, there is one in every port! Incidentally Duncs, I've left Gamcare with my email details, Skype account, hotel number and preference of tight latex g**P suit. No rush.

Finally Feb, I'm glad to hear you're from my neck of the woods but a Blue Nose, dear me. You must have done something terrible in a previous life but don't worry, if you keep 'your nose clean' in this one you'll stand a great chance of coming back in your next life as a Red. Incidentally, what really made me write what I wrote the other day was someone saying 'we all have to be United here.' The thought of that tipped me over the edge. If he used the word "together" we'd all be living in a different parallel universe now.

Keep strong everyone, be proud of what you're doing because it's tough. Above all be positive. I wish everyone well.

Lazarus

I gota say what an inspiring diary!

I've spent most of the day reading,laughing and generally nodding my head in agreement of things you have wrote.

You've made me re-think my approach,gave me a lot to think about,for that I thank you.

Can I ask,in your previous attempts to quit gambling,did you keep in touch with racing,place fantasy bets etc? Did totally blocking racing out of your life make the difference in your recovery this time?

I'm making progress,but I think I know where I'm goin wrong.

I'm gona make happy memories from now,embrace this recovery time,not treat it like a life sentence.

Thanks again,you should consider publishing your diary,I'd buy it!

Thanks for the reply,your a wise chap.

Youve gave me a lot of food for thought,ive got to really let go of gambling,its hard to avoid talk of gambling.but i can cope with it.

Common sense will prevail and i shall endeavour to avoid racing/odds when possible.

Im glad your back posting,i shall read your diary with interest.Thanks again

hmm no today mostly im posting songs to my friends.... and i thought of numerous songs for you...

but i settled with this one

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=co6WMzDOh1o

take care

the blonde one x

Day 678 and it seems like only yesterday I started my diary. It's been a good year so far and I've enjoyed every bit of it. I grew a moustache for Movember and ive kept it going, it's now huge and bushy. Can't get used to it, I wax it regularly and my aim is to train it to turn up at the ends, everyone I love hates it that's why I kept it.

New year started with a bang, 1 minute past 12 on New Years day my gearbox blew up, I thought it was a firework until the gears failed about half a mile later. I had to walk home in my shorts and t-shirt but it was ok, quite refreshing. The mechanic quoted me an arm and a leg to get the new part and fit it but I decided that it was so much I'd be better off getting a new car instead. Can't buy one straight away I'll have to save up for a little bit longer. The idea of saving for a car would have been a nightmare if I was still gambling, even the memory makes me sick. Firstly, you'll have that voice in your head whispering before you bought the car, "yeah it's ok but if you lumped on a 'dead cert' you could buy that car for nothing, with your winnings or an even flashier one."

Nightmare voice, lead you straight to the poorhouse. I'd end the day without the bus fare home. Gamblers hate spending money unless it's on gambling or at least I did.

That's if the savings got that far, it'd be like asking your best J****E friend to mind your bag of brown for the next couple of months. It'd be gone before you closed the front door.

So ive been riding around on my bike or getting buses for the last six weeks and I have loved the change, not missing the motor at all. I'd forgotten how good it is biking. I used to always cycle when I was younger, progressing onto motorbikes before giving them up when Maisie was born. I always kept a bike but only used it to get to the bookies when I was blind drunk. It seemed effortless getting there pumped up with adrenalin, now though when I'm sober it seems more of a strain. Plus I have to get usedto mouth breathing, I always breathe through my nose, which ddoesn't give me the oxygen my gasping lungs require and leaves me walking round Morrisons blowing bubbles in and out of my runny and cold nostrils, it's like I've got to bullfrogs up there ribbeting. If I remeber to mouth breathe this spectacle can be avoided. I have to keep going the shops all the time too, I can't do a 'big shop' on a bike.

I was lucky a few Saturdays ago whilst heading to the shop on my bike. I was trundling along trying to mouth breathe whilst nibbling a bit of porridge encrusted on my moustache when a young kid overtook me, effortlessly, on a little monkey bike. I geared down and sped after him determined to beat him to the shops. I knew I could save valuable seconds if I mounted the kerb by a church. Without thinking I hurtled round the corner to be greeted with the horrified face of a pensioner woman. I slammed on the brakes (they are incredibly responsive) and flew over the handle bars. Luckily, luckily, luckily the woman wasn't

hurt and was wearing tena pads and all I got was a bruised thigh and hip, bikes okay too. Whereas, a while ago I slipped over, broke a couple of vertebrae and couldnt walk. Fate is fickle and I was grateful for this outcome. Yet I'd been stupid in the first place and it was all down to my ego. Ego's can be a good thing or a terrible thing, help or hinder you and its important I learn the difference. When I gambled I wanted everyone in the bookies especially the counter staff to think that I was a big, brave, knowledgeable, successful punter. Someone who was capable of bringing the betting industry to its knees. That was my ego. Fooling myself that I could be someone through winning money. A 'big time Charlie. ' in all honesty I was probably known as 'sad git,' 'wankker,' and 'the prickk who pays our wages.' Fair play to them if it's the case, at least it was' t 'pisssy pants.'

I love getting the bus, ive caught up on so much gossip it's unbelievable. I avoid the school time buses like the plague for fear of getting mugged or covered in spit. Overall though, everything has changed for the better since I was last on a bus. It's been about 20 odd years. No one smokes, not even drugs. There are cameras, newspapers and no graffiti, even the seat covers arent ripped. I think it was 30p last time I was on and that got me as far as London, nearly £2 now, I nearly cried. Still good though, you see and hear a lot more when someone else is driving. When I was younger I used to hate/love sitting on the back seat. The vibrations from the warm engine would trigger a hormonal response between my legs and I would have to leave the bus, crouched with my school jumper stretched over my stylish Farah down to my knees. Anyway, you know, out of curiosity like, I sat on the back seat coming home for old times sake. Not a twitch, all my hormones have turned into unwanted hairs which grow from my shoulders. Oh and I forgot to mention that 'dinging' the bell is just as much fun now as it was when I was a nipper.

No fun getting old, bodywise that is, hit 40 and you start falling to bits but that's the way it goes. My ALT enzymes in my liver are too high so l've got to have an ultra sound and lumbar puncture. I don't mind because it's only a small procedure and my brother in law had to get one before Christmas but he fainted so it got cancelled. It'd be nice to bring him along, not getting the *** bus, they're not that good, and show him how it's done. See, there's that ego again, can be a good thing or a bad thing, the secret is to know the difference.

No thoughts of gambling immersed, probably obsessed with work. Making bad habits into good habits, can't change my personality but I can tweak it so it carries me forward instead of holding me back.

Adios Amigos

Lazarus Wiggins

Just wanted to say that your post made me smile today - thanks for that!