Finally time to get help

Hi Dav , Just read your posts back over from day 1, Wow mate ! , how much things have changed for you over the last 35 day's from not wanting to be here , to getting back with your partner , fantastic !.

She's obviously given you some space to sort yourself out and seen how well your doing and how determined you are to beat this , so she's begining to trust again .

Youre honesty is brilliant mate , when you have that, gambling has no where to hide or to fester , like you my problem was always the fobt's , for many years and many thousand's lost . I'm now on 116 days without a bet and know exactly how you feel and how much my life has changed in that time and let me assure you that it just keeps getting better .

It takes a while for the fog to lift , so we can see more clearly but once I realised what life used to be like and how it can be again , I made the decision that I never want another bet again !.

You sound so positive and happy buddy and I'm really pleased things are turning around for you !

Youv'e so much to look forward to this year so I wish you and your's a very happy 2016 !!

Best wishes ................Alan

Thank you Feb I appreciate it and yes she is a goooden I will do everything I should have last time to make sure she knows it ! Thank-you ......

Alan thanks my whole life has turned upside down to now being able to start 'fresh' .... I find honesty is the only way out tbh and my partner wants that to so it works well for both of us .... Wow 116 is a great achievement well done and I'm glad ur life has changed for the better as well one more person away from the fobts is another victory for having our life's back ! I can't wait for the full freedom at the moment my partner still has worries and I don't blame her but I know I can do it and will show her .... Really appreciate ur comments it helps to hear other people's views .... And I also hope that this diary can maybe help someone else who was in the same position as me to maybe instead of taking there life to maybe just try and get help !

The full freedom will come mate , just keep racking up those day's one by one staying positive and focused on what you really want and everything through the course of time will follow !.

Stay strong fella and keep the faith !!!!!

Hi, Dave,

I'm from the other side of the fence, long term married, children growing up. For a long time, I didn't know what was going on behind my back.

The problem now from my perspective is that I can't rely on my husband, I can't operate on the assumption that what he is tells me is true, because he lied for so long. Certainly not in financial terms. And a lot of his thought processes have been affected by the addiction, so not everything he says or wants is well reasoned and appropriate. However he attends GA and is starting counselling so I hope for improvement. For me, I want an equal life partnership, possible but only with genuine recovery.

If you're gf has stayed and is supporting you, that's fantastic but you can't expect her to rely on your judgement, certainly not in financial terms. If by freedom you mean financial freedom, no barriers, why change what's working? In our case, the barriers are permanent - for my protection.

The best advice is to show your gf and keep showing her what you are doing to overcome the gambling.

Wish you well,

CW

Cynical wife wrote:

Hi, Dave,

I'm from the other side of the fence, long term married, children growing up. For a long time, I didn't know what was going on behind my back.

The problem now from my perspective is that I can't rely on my husband, I can't operate on the assumption that what he is tells me is true, because he lied for so long. Certainly not in financial terms. And a lot of his thought processes have been affected by the addiction, so not everything he says or wants is well reasoned and appropriate. However he attends GA and is starting counselling so I hope for improvement. For me, I want an equal life partnership, possible but only with genuine recovery.

If you're gf has stayed and is supporting you, that's fantastic but you can't expect her to rely on your judgement, certainly not in financial terms. If by freedom you mean financial freedom, no barriers, why change what's working? In our case, the barriers are permanent - for my protection.

The best advice is to show your gf and keep showing her what you are doing to overcome the gambling.

Wish you well,

CW

Wise comments as ever CW. Honesty between partners and family does seem the only way forward if things are going to improve?

Thanks again Alan !

Hi cw , I don't mean financial freedom at the moment we live separate with parents but it wouldn't bother me her having control of my money but in a way I don't think she would want to do that because then that's not fully trusting someone .... I never lied to her about my gambling I always told her if I had done it , it just got uncontrollable on a few occasions and that's what drove us apart .... I'm attending Counseling as she is and will be going together I intend to do everything to gain her trust again because I don't intend on ever gambling again or hurting her through my own stupidity ! I'm sorry that it's happened to u so far down the line but at least u can rebuild now without losing ur house or family separated ! Hope ur husband gets the help he needs and sorts himself out !

Day 37 today feels like the days are going up so quick ! Meant to rain a lot today in the past I would think of going to the bookies to maybe 'win' some earnings 99% of the time I wouldn't but now it don't cross my mind all I think is how stupid and how deluded was I to think that !! How can u gamble to earn a living ! All I think is anger and laugh because how immature that was to think that ! On to day 38

Hi Dav

Just wanted to say well done on your good work so far. Keep clocking up them days and it will soon be months you are clocking up.

Take care.

Feb.

Thank you Feb appreciate the kind comments ! I will continue to clock up the days 🙂 ....

day 43 today feels good the days feel like going up quick ! Looking forward to watching football today without the added pressure of thinking about betting on it and being able to watch it not wanting a certain player to score or a score line ! Feels a relief if I'm honest ! Got another Counseling session Tuesday with the gf looking forward to it each session feels like I'm gaining more relief each time I say I haven't gambled or don't plan on it feels good !

Day 47 today , still no gambling no urges no close calls .... My counsellor asked me if I done it for enjoyment and is it my brain lying to myself that I only did it for money , I've thought about that since Tuesday and I can't think of a time I enjoyed playing ? I enjoyed a football bet because I could control that but I hated the thought of going on roulette because I know what could happen ! .... The Counseling has been going good each week I feel like it's helping me more which is good and it's slowly gaining some trust from the gf , things still patchy as we both knew they would be but its good to have her back ! On to the 50 milestone !

Hi Dav, great to hear of your continued recovery.

Our brains do funny things and we can cut out some the pain (to aid our continued sanity). Gambling has a habit of helping us forget why we did it in an attempt to (at some point) help us forget why we stopped (it will always welcome us back!).

You are doing great and really pleased you have your partner at your side. Keep doing what you are doing, it's not long until day 50 so keep enjoying each day gamble free. Well done.

Thanks sbisstopping I won't let my guard drop and I know the consequences if it reacured and how much pain it brings to those close to me .....

Thanks dean ! I'm right on ur tail haha but will never catch u for obvious reasons lol

Big 50 today ! First milestone hit ! Feels good hitting targets I think I'm a lot more serious now about life I've cut a lot of c**P out and taking charge not letting a addiction rule my life !

Well dine Dav - a great achievement. Here's to the next 50..

Well done Dav on 50 days, it's a lovely positive milestone to reach:))

Suzanne xxx