Finally time to get help

Thanks everyone appreciate the support !

Day 55 today nothing has changed just counting down the days to the big 100 ! Counseling going well feel it's helping me and my relationship which is positive !

Day 64 today without a single bet feeling good about myself feel like I'm taking life more seriously now and not trying to win my way through life (well lose) .... Haven't really been involved to much on here and on the Fb page but I still read a lot , I just feel the only time I think about gambling is when I get a notification on fb or I have a Counseling session so trying to see if taking a small step back will help .... I don't feel like gambling at all I used to if I didn't for a week or so even just to do a silly bet just to think about getting a good win out of a few pound . Glad to be in this situation and I hope u all are doing well in your recoveries to , reading how people are makes me see how I was and tbh it's a relief ! still going well in my water challenge last day today but I still don't think I will drink Coke again ! But it's good to show my gf how serious I am when I want to stop something I can , also the money saving challenge is going well good to see a Tin building up of money lol better in the tin than in the bookies !!!

Day 72 today not a good one I'm afraid , me and my gf haven't really been getting on constant bickering constantly doing things wrong . What started it was I went round my friends Friday night and we had a poker night no money involved just a friendly game I asked advice before I played it and got the nod it was ok and it wouldn't affect me , my gf didn't like the fact I did but came to terms with it in a way. So we played poker for about a hour then food and ps4 not once did I get a buzz or want to play real money to me it was just a game with mates I'd play the same with my gf if she could play it meant nothing to me it wasn't feeding my old addiction ! So long and short ever since that day it's all gone down hill and I feel were breaking up again all the same talk is happening what happened last time . I don't know what to do I don't feel I done wrong but I understand she was worried but I assured her but it's not good enough nothing I do is good enough anymore because of what's happened I can't do anything without upsetting her or making her paranoid. The thing is aswell she don't forgive and forget so I really think that this will never work all she does is blame me which to most of it she is right but if we really wanted this to work then I would have hoped she wouldn't keep bringing it up or at least try to get past it. I feel this is another losing battle and truth be told if it is over I'm done with on here and counselling , I'm not saying I'm going to gamble again because I don't want to I just only did all this to show her I'm serious about it which I was but she needed proof , i do hope it's not the end but I can't see us going on like this she's broken inside because of me and I don't think she will ever be ok with me ! Gutted tbh I lost her once and now it's happening again ! What do I do there's nothing I can do that will help her because how stubborn and set in her ways she is I feel helpless

Day 74 today my last post was a bit of a ramble and just upset the way things are going .... But at the Counseling session it helped us and touch wood we've been ok we will always argue it's who we are we're to alike neither of us like to lose and both very stubborn .... But as far as gambling is concerned still going strong , seeing some people are caving in its not nice to see all the hard work gone just like that !

Day 78 today , still going well no close calls no relapses . Big games of football today this would have been a perfect day for betting but instead of gambling I can actually just watch them and enjoy instead of wanting a certain team to score or win (except Tottenham of course) ! Closing on 100 days !

So I haven't posted on here for a while not because I haven't been bothered with my recovery but because I mainly think about gambling when I'm on here .... I've passed 100days gambling I'm currently on 103 days gambling and I've not had and urges or close calls , I know I'm making it sound easy but maybe because it affected someone I loved so much that instead of wanting to relapse I've gone on to hate gambling so maybe I had a lucky escape but in turn my gf suffered more than me in the aftermath ! .... My last Counseling session he told me I had wrote down 2 goals that I wanted to achieve when it came near the end of my sessions and I actually forgot about them but he said that they was to have my gf back and to stop gambling and he told me that I had achieved both of them ! It made me choke a bit because at that session I didn't think I would see my gf again ,I think I knew I would stop gambling because of how much I hated it but I'm still happy to have proved myself right ! I will still post on here to try and carry on a diary that may be looked at a successful diary to give help and hope to others that might need it ! I'd just like to thank all those from cgu who took me in not knowing me and have been really helpfull towards me every step of the way ! Also I'd just like to say I've seen a few people on here saying a gambler is always a gambler and u have to take control of there life so they can't gamble and they should walk away , well I think this just proves them wrong , a gambler might choose to gamble if he loves gambling more than the person there with , as for me losing my gf showed me how much I loved her and I'm sitting here now on 103 days , yes it's only 103 but I can assure u I will be writing the same post for 200 days or 1000 days ! I'm a changed man and a gamble free man !

Just read your diary dav. ...what a journey. ...well done mate...high five to you...x

Thankyou loxxie it sure has been a journey ! ....

Day 108 today I read on some chat posts how there fighting urges and close calls or maybe even have gambled again and just feel so lucky how far I've come with no close calls or urges .

Day 129 today the days are racking up slowly it seems like a lifetime ago I gambled .... Good in a way that it seems just a distant bad memory ! .... My counsellor is having to do from home counselling and tonight is the first night were doing a 'over the phone' session . Think I only have a session or 2 left seems like forever as they've been really spread out ... I hope some people read this and see it's not a dead end road if ur a CG and relationships are not 'doomed' . Just because some CG relapse or can't stop don't mean the rest of us are the same ! One person in particular on here is over the top with the way she gives 'advise' and basically saying all CG are gone from the person u used to know , maybe her husband has 'gone' but don't mean just because her marriage is dead that she has to try and bring everyone down with her ! Just give trust and help to the CG and if they really want to they will prove u right in trusting them ! ! Onto 150 GF !

Thanks mate appreciate it ! Yeah I agree seeing so many of us putting up positive milestones that were hitting its good ! .... Yeah the big one ! Can't wait for it tbh lol ! .... Thanks mate

Day 140 today ! Grand national last week which brought a few suspicions from my gf but tbh I had no Intrest in it i always used to have a cheeky few bets on it but never won anyway was just good fun to watch until a horse or rider got hurt ! Anyway away this weekend with my family to a caravan park which we do every year , in the arcade which I spend most time in with my nieces and nephews there are some fruit machines only £5 max jackpot but I noticed that they have put a over 18 area in now with fruit machines with big winnings on them , never really liked fruit machines anyway so I have no problem with it but my main worry is my gf but tbh she hasn't sort of been checking where I'm looking or getting worried which means a lot to me because it feels like I'm gaining more trust from her ! If only she could read my mind she would know not to worry ! I'm sure When I get to a year free she will start to relax about me n stuff which will be what I want for her I don't like I've made her this paranoid ! We all make mistakes it's just how u go about it after and how to make them right !

Hi Dav, congratulations on day 140 of being gamble free , I like you never had a problem with the fruties just the Fobt's in the bookies but that was my old life 7 months ago and now like yourself enjoying lkife without gambling in it !.

I think the trust thing is just down to the individual and some's will return quicker than others but it's all down to us not to betray that trust again by choosing everyday to say no to gambling .

I wish you well my friend and hope you enjoy the weekend with the important one's in your life !

Best wishes .................Alan

Thanks Alan , fobts were also my devil ! 7 months wow doing well ! That's a long time without it ! .... Yeah I guess ur right I can't complain really as she took me back gave me yet another chance so I'm just greatfull of this opportunity to turn my life around ! Ive stopped a lot of things since we got back together hopefully seeing me keep to them promises aswell will help her trust me .... Thanks Alan really appreciate ur support and words ! I wish u all the best aswell closing in on a year for u that's a big achievement ! All the best buddy !

154 days gamble free !