First Day of the rest of my Life

I still can believe it. I mean how could I? All of this was hard money. I am absolutely gob smacked. This is just so hard to acknowledge let alone accept. Just thinking about it sends jitters down my spine. How did I get so misled? I suppose I was just obsessed with getting my money back and repeatedly got knocked down. This is absolute tragedy and disaster. Feeling very very down and low. Infact shatteres to bits.

Hi s
Sorry to hear of your relapse
Looking back how did this happen if your wife had the access to the funds and the password to the blocking software? You need to patch the cracks in the armour that let you walk straight back in to gambaling.
I hope ga works out for you
Try using the help line also if you're feeling a bit low
Deano

Hi Shattered79,

Well done for your post, and thanks for sharing your story with us. You sound like you’ve been struggling with gambling problem for a long time, and yet to find the strategy that really works for you.

Recovery is also about being firm with yourself, taking responsibility of your actions, and sticking to the advice we offer you.

It’s good that you’ve put blocks in place to stop you from gambling, and I hope you find your first GA meeting worthwhile and encouraging.

Perhaps you would like to contact our free phone Helpline on 0808 8020 133, and speak to one of our advisers for further help and support.

As you said, today is your day 1, I hope that your day one becomes first month, first year, and more of when gambling will have no place in it.

In case you think counselling will benefit you in stopping gambling, I suggest that you contact our Helpline and request for a referral.

Meanwhile, keep reading from our Chatroom/ Forum, and learn how you can apply strategies from people you can identify with to help you to overcome your gambling problem.

Try and keep up the good work, and pls. keep posting.

Best wishes,

Beatrice

Thanks Deano. Yeah there was a loophole that I did not close. I have patched it now. With this experience, I have learnt how much self deception goes with this destructive behaviour. It is mind boggling. I have decided to be utmost strict with myself when it comes to tolerance of any gambling related thoughts with total and complete blocks.

Hey Shattered.

You are not alone my friend. In fact your story is very similar to mine. I've lost the same amount of money over the same amount of time as you have.

I sit here today and can not recognise the person I was who somehow lost all that money and carried on for so long.

I've not gambled for 14 days and this time around I feel like I'm done for ever.

Dwelling on the money will ruin me so I just can't do it. Don't get me wrong, I do think about it and can not believe for the life of me how I got into this mess but that's addiction.

Chin up buddy, one foot forward in leaving gambling behind.

Hi shattered,

U are definitely not alone in this - many of us have been drawn in to the gambling industry, psychologists are employed to design the games for addiction. There is a lot to be said about being firm with ourselves, and taking responsibility in the cold light of day, but when the slots devil persuades our addicted brains that one more play will win back losses and things will be better - common sense goes out of the window, that's the mental fight are all in. There's no drug that makes us well, we have to fight it.

I have lost in the same ballpark as u. The money has gone. We have to accept that and move on and rebuild our lives someway...

Good luck x

Beatrice, Tom and Barney - Thank you for your posts and suggestions.

Still GF. Came across the below post. This is exactly how I have been except that the numbers have been smaller. Any gambling thought is a poison that I should shunt it out immediately. Once an addict always an addict. I should never forget this and give this addiction the seriousness and fear it deserves as Joydivider says. Unfortunately this is what I will have to carry all my life but this is a million times better than the horrific destruction gambling will bring to me. No point in making those f******g casino owners, betting company barons and the people who work there with these rigged systems richer on my expense and destruction.

http://www.news.com.au/finance/money/problem-gambler-paul-fung-lost-almost-a-million-dollars-in-three-weeks/story-e6frfmci-1226862004073

I was inches away today from relapsing. Had a final interview today and had decided to use my debit card for contactless travel instead of keeping it with my wife. At the last minute decided to turn away after experiencing The mighty force of feelings to reclaim my losses and pay back atleast a part of my enormous debts.

I managed to convince myself that it was bot worth it. My life and my sanity is much more important than the money I have lost. Money that will never ever come back through gambling. This is so hard to accept.

You are so right when you say that it's really hard to accept the losses. In the cold light of day we cannot fathom how on earth we got ourselves into this mess - the loss of control, the overwhelming debts. But we have to keep believing in a better future - once we have got our lives back together, and to also accept that we are responsible for the gambling and unfortunately will have to pay the price.

Think of it this way: I was told many years ago to stop chasing my losses but I took no heed. I was angry at the losses. Angry at the bookmakers and angry at the injustice of it all. But that was 15 years ago and I've lost another 30K since then!

So where does that leave us now? - Same scenario - leave the losses behind, or risk even more.

Personally, I'm scared to go down that path again and again.

20 months ago I had re-mortgaged the house to pay for debts but I thought that I could just have the odd small bet to keep the thrill of betting alive, but within that short space of time I managed to accumulate another 10K of debt.

So the point is: Whatever position we are in financially at this time - lets imagine ourselves in 5 years time with a further 20K of debt as a result of more gambling. Feel the pain, the torment and bewilderment. Then think again... we don't have to go down that path. We have the power to decide!

Your are writing my story word for word. I don't want to win anymore just want back the losses but it gets crazy when your in that frame of mind. Good luck with your recovery funny how whats on your mind comes up on someone elses diary constantly. thanks Michael

Did you ever push yourself to walk through the GA doors you mentioned?

Hi Bud. Hope you are well and things are looking up with job interviews and hopefully job offers. I spent 5 weeks looking for a new job and was beginning to get the feeling that I might not get back into work. It's a very anxious situation if you are out of work but you've got to keep the faith - keep plugging away and stay positive. When you put in the ground work the opportunities will shine forward. Hopefully you will now be back in work and earning again.

All the best to you

How are you Shattered79. I hope you are remaining GF and keeping positive.