Hi everyboby,
I'm back again after a long battle with my gambling demons.
For once I'm not here to pour my heart and soul out of desperation with suicidal feelings but strong and happier that i have been in a long time for the simple reason that since january 16th 2014 i haven't gambled since!
Many of you might think is a very little time to sing Victory and i surely agree as i know very well the evil of gambling..too well unfortunately!
Even though i haven't gambled for nearly 6 month and i will always be a gambler inside i decided 6 month ago that i do not want to be part of this sad word , made of isolation, tears and deception.
In December i was already broke inside and totally lost , after working so hard and spent every penny i worked for, i decided to run away in holiday and come back in January new. I went alone , two weeks with my thoughts a diary and my books.
i came back thinking i could have made it on my own.
i wrong was i????? The very same day of my return i gambled everything, my Christmas bonus, the money i didn't want to spend in Holiday thinking i was going to start saving again ( delusional) and my rent and everything in my account. This time i broke down , i broke down in so many levels that i felt i could only give up my life or give up gambling for good.
And so after telling my brother ( the only person close to me that knew my problem ) that i gambled again , i call Game care and booked an appointment.
i have try in the past to attend meetings but never realy went anywhere, i would stop and then start gambling again, never really committed to it.
This time was different, this time i wanted really to be helped ,but most of all this time i wanted gambling to go away .For my soul, but from my dreams and from my life.
It has been a long journey and i'm not gonna lie , it has been hard , coming at the meeting every single time and pour my heart to someone i never met in my life...they were long silences, buckets if tears , sad flash back and more than anything else eveytime i was going to the meeting i felt a little lighter.
i was always very sceptical about programs and rehabs, but slowly i start to understand the gap i was trying to void for so many years.
When my meeting came to an end i felt very happy and a bit sad .
The time flew, 6 months after i found myself like a new person ! i don't have anything to hide anymore, i managed to pay all my debts,and i saved lot of money, i have booked two holidays and i wake up free!
I haven't felt once the urge to gamble since i started my meetings , i think is due the determination i had this time. When i went last time i wasn't only sad but i was furious with the gambling industry ! i didnt want this evils to steal my money and my soul!
And i feel extremely happy to have gained my common sense back. I'm obviously terrified to made one simple mistake as it happened in the past , i do feel ever the need but i can promise u i'll try my very best to fight it if it ever comes back.
This post is for who thinks there is not way out, that is all lost and not light at the end.
THERE IS LIGHT!!! open your heart to someone you love, you don't have to make a big noise but opening is the first step, and honesty!
trying to win the money back is impossible! i can promise you that , i have spent years gambling my wages and my life with it!
Today I'm free and nothing taste like freedom! free to live my life to the full!
You are stronger than gambling and when you start to love yourself again you will look back and don't even understand to the fullest why u have done that to your soul! SEEK FOR HELP, COS WHEN U WANT TO BE HELPED , HELP ARRIVES IN EVERY SHAPE AND FORM!
I WANTED TO SAY GOOD LUCK , BUT I DO WANT TO USE THIS WORD AGAIN IN MY LIFE AS I MAKE MY OWN LUCK!
WISH U A GOOD LIFE!
well done pal , very happy with your post , it gives me hope and makes it feel like its possible to stop ,and makes me realise gambling is pointless! thanks for that
Well done on staying gamble free. There is no better feeling but as gamblers we are only one bet away from destruction. You are so true about how good you feel about yourself when gamble free. When winning there is no better feeling but the losing is devastating. I have seen me gambling just too win my money back what's the point. Keep up the good work an keep posting an supporting the other people well done
Guys,
i know very well that my is just the begging of my journey.
I have stopped in the past for over a year , but always with struggle and with the wrong mind set that i was totally free.
This time i'm committed each day of making my life free, everyday is a free day and I'll cherish it and i won't think any longer I'm strong enough as is when u think u are strong enough that u challenge yourself to see if u are in control and it takes only one bet to go back to self-destruction.
MY goal is to be clean forever, and when i'll be one year clean i want to really help people going through this ordeal.
i decided that i'll do a Ted talk and come out , i want to make propaganda and make people aware of the pain and sorrow gambling brings in people's lives.
Not only to the gambler but to the family that do not how to deal with it. I want to change the way gambling is glamorized , because there is nothing fancy around debts, tears and depression.
I feel stronger and in peace with myself, and i wouldn't have make it without GAME CARE.
And i really want to help out others as i was helped.
Good luck to everyone that right now is fighting or doesn't have the strength yet.
Unfortunately sometime we have to go through HELL to find heaven.
My heart is with those that are right in the fire looking for peace.
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