Day 1: This has to be the time I start the recovery. I've had so many false starts but, despite the hurt and pain (nevermind finiancial problems) I've caused, I've never truly wanted to give up for good. All I can think about us the wasted money and how everyone will be feeling, again... Disappointed, betrayed, angry. I do just feel like trying to sleep for the rest of the day but I'll drag myself up and out. I don't feel like I want to gamble, I'm tired of it for now. The urge will come back pretty soon no doubt but I have to ACTUALLY DO all the things I said I would do in the past to occupy my time. I'm doing this for me but also for my family, they've put up with far too much far too many times. Let's do it.
Day 2: Busy at work which has kept my mind off things but can't help thinking about all the money lost and hurt caused. It drags me right down but then I try to force myself to be positive. No real urges to chase the losses today but also feeling really tired. Need to get some energy for the battle ahead.
Welcome
Will look forward to reading more as you progress.
Good luck with your recovery
Day 3&4: didn't have a chance to post yesterday as I was busy, helping someone out, not because of anything else. Keeping busy does help. Needing to make sure my mind doesn't wander is hard but there's so many other things I have neglected over the last few years that I could put my mind to. Today has been ok too. Still thinking a lot about all the money wasted. I know I can never get it back but it's hard to put it behind me.
Day 5: ok today. Slept a lot this afternoon after an early finish. Couldn't gamble even if I wanted to (which I didn't) as I'm skint until payday in a couple of weeks. Busy weekend ahead which should keep my mind off it.
Hi fc, welcome to the forum 🙂
Good to see you already finding the strength to help others. From little acorns, giant oak trees grow - keeping busy will keep you safe & get you working towards those neglected things.
I too had zillions of false starts before accepting I needed help & I don't plan on having any more. What plans do you have in place for pay day? As you say, the urges may not be present @ the moment but they can strike @ any time & being ready for them helps!
Enjoy your weekend - ODAAT
Days 6&7: been away for the weekend (on a trip if already paid for). Was good, very busy so little time for sitting and dwelling on the situation. Pay day, I've given up my card and access to my bank account. Whilst I still know the details my wife is managing the account to ensure there's only a minimum amount in the account each day. I hate that it has to be like this but it gives others better peace of mind that I won't do something stupid.
Day 8: Early days but it's going ok so far. I've managed to concentrate my mind on others things mostly. I do keep on thinking over what's happened and it gets me down but I also know that I have to realize I can't change it now
Days 9&10: had a really rough couple of days. I can't get what I've done out of my head, I just keep mulling it over and over. It's been over 10 years with countless false starts but whilst I know the only way to recover is to focus on the future, my past is leaving a huge shadow. I need to speak to my parents who've been very supportive in the past but I'm so down about having to have the same conversation with them, again. That's driving the main feelings I have of shame and guilt, knowing I've let them down again. Just want to go to bed for a week.
Day 11: better today. Got a little weight off my mind with talking about one thing with my wife. Still feeling stressed about it all though, the past and what's happened. Going away again at the weekend so that will keep me occupied.
Day 20: getting up to date as missed a few days. Been ok last couple of days after having a week or so of being really down and not wanting to see people... Also feeling a lot better now I've got some of the worries I had off my mind (telling my parents that I'd messed up again was the main one). Everyone being really supportive and I know I don't deserve how patient, understanding and supportive they've been. Keeping positive and moving forward is the key. Not felt like gambling but it's still early days so I do know it'll come back strong at some point. I need to keep focusing my attention on other things.btrting to learn a few songs on my very under-used guitar is a plan I have.
Congratulations on achieving 20 days!
Sounds like you've had a rough few weeks.
Pleased to hear things are going in the right direction for you after you having to find a lot of courage to admit once again to family.
It's all down to you now, keep blocks in place, positivity high and with the use of support when needed a happier you will be the result. Stay strong.
Hey congratulations on day 21! Sounds like you've been battling a few demons, but hoping you're feeling more positive with things. Good luck on continuing with your journey C x
Day 35: Still going ok. I've had a very busy couple of weeks at work so that's helped to occupy me. However, I do recognise when something bothers me I'm getting pretty frustrated and angry, definitely more than I would in the past. I think that's due to me using gambling as an outlet for those frustrations in the past so I've not got that anymore. Need to get through this period and not try to upset anyone with my mood... thanks for words of support from everyone.
Day 57: Away on holiday at the moment. Things still going ok. I went to see a counsellor last week through Gamcare. She was very friendly, easy to talk to. I'd recommend it to anyone thinking about it. Had a good time away with the family, if a bit tiring... still trying to keep my mind off it. I'm reading a bit more to occupy my mind. Going to start a new book I think.
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