Gambling Man.

Hi,Lord Lucan,

20 days already, it's amazing how quickly we appreciate any money again.

Keep going and keep winning.

Suzanne xx

Day 21

Nothing really much to report. Been a busy day today doing house jobs walked the dog twice! No thoughts of gambling. Bad day yesterday at work lost my cool a few times with a few people pushing my buttons. This never happens normally but I snapped a couple of times. nice few days off to chill with it being bank holiday.

3 weeks clean

Hey lordlucan

Congrats on 3 weeks. Like ODAAT says above they certainly start to add up quickly.

I've had the same problems with sleep patterns. Recently I've been having a lot of dreams that I have gambled and all my hard work is for nothing. This addiction can do crazy things to us. Everyday we don't gamble is another day where we win

Enjoy your long weekend

Day 22 and 23.

Thank you Jamie for your kind words.

The past few days have been nice to relax. I have been sleeping a lot catching up on a hectic few weeks working. I have very little to spend as I have been sticking to my budget of £50 a week and I have to buy cigarettes with this. So it's been plenty of dog walks with the pooch yet again. I have a car bill coming up soon and the services costs are high so I need to keep whatever spare I can for the maintenance on the car. Funny that bill would not be paid in the past!

3 weeks Wednesday I will be going on holiday so that cannot come quick enough. Counting down the days for that.

No gambling urges however like yourself Jamie I have also had weird dreams about gambling making me believe I let myself down again by gambling!

I remember in the past I would have a late night binge and would loose allot of cash I would wake up sweating wondering if it was a bad dream. It was not but this time it was and I can wake up happy that I have stopped the rot in my addiction.

Day 24 25 26!

Busy few days working hard. I have had the best few days in my short current career. I have won and taken on more work than normal and I felt no pressure. Is this because my gambling ways are dieing? Who knows but something in the brain is improving...

I have a sum of cash comming around 2k due to an incident so soon I will have savings money again. It will arrive in the next four weeks and I feel no urge to use it to feed my old addiction. In the past half if not all would be my stake money.

It's been a shorter working week and soon it will be the weekend. Really looking forward to my spare time off. In the past I would just be wishing my life away. Now I am looking forward to my future.

I went to the shops today a place where I used to gamble. I was s******g myself and worked myself up as I thought about going into the bookies. So glad I kept away.

Starting to find my happy place again without the need of a fobt!

Be careful with that 2k. You are at a v vulnerable time in your recovery. Read some diaries; a little windfall is the unmaking of a lot of us. You should put it out of reach as quickly as possible. Well done so far tho

Days 27 28.

Home alone tonight so quite bored with little to do. I have had some thoughts of gambling tonight so I thought I would jump on here instead to kill any sign of attempting to gamble. Normally tonight would be a night where I would have a bet. Normally I would look forward to the chance of a gamble. not this time it ain't going to happen.

did a bit of gardening this afternoon and watched the end of the England game. Going to watch a movie next.

Good suggestion milkman. I have to pay most of it for my car loan so I should not see it to long then the rest into a cash isa where I cannot withdraw. Still don't trust my mind at the moment.

Tomorrow will be another day of laziness with no cash until payday. Then I will reward myself with my good work. Bought the dog some food this week and a new coat. The little things are the best things I have learnt.

Was the coat for your mutt or you?? Anyway, s/he will be content with the food I'm sure!

lol! no the coat was for the mutt, however i did purchase a pair of jeans for myself which was a small gift for doing well! i suppose i have to look at the postives. this time a month ago would i have done this... no chance. i would have been in a hole again with nothing. i will keep fighting Milkman!

Hi Lordlucan... thanks for posting on my diary. I will look out for you over the coming days weeks and months. Keep abstaining sir!

Day 29 and 30.

Thanks changes for the message. We will get through this.

I am on 30 days today and I must say knowing the numbers have really kept me going. I finished work tonight and I headed to pick the dog food up that I purchased. Driving to the shop was a route where I knew there was the only bookie in town I never self excluded from. As I was driving closer the urges started. I got gambeling feelings. They were quite strong and my heart started Racing. Knowing it was 30 days today stopped me from going to the betting shop. In the past when I stopped I never had numbers stood out to me the counter really is a good tool short term.

Why I wanted to go in there... Really I have no idea however my brain told me to do the right thing and walk away!

Here is to the next 30 days of stopping. Still I have not attended a ga meeting. I will go soon and attend though as it is something I want to pick up again which will support my recovery.

Well done today. Keep going get to the 60 days.

Day 33

Thanks changes. It's been a difficult few days. My lass is having a difficult time which is bringing my mood down. Work has been equally stressful for me a mixture of pressure and being bored. Just trying to support her the best I can.

I have come up with a new hair brain idea though. I am going to start a window cleaning business starting as a hobby first over weekends to keep busy. I really do fancy the challenge. I am going to slowly save up for a water fed pole trolley system and even if it does not work out we will have the cleanest windows on the street! I really am going to go for it. I have a decent job but since stopping gambling though only short term my brain is so much clearer. I could not get past a day in the past without thinking of doing something stupid. It's weird how in such a short space of time I am seeing the benefits of not betting.

the urges are still very much alive however I am battling in taking one day at a time. I have £10 in my pocket until payday next week. This month I have been able to buy some nice things. Pay the holiday off and save a small amount. I am slowly starting to turn a corner.

Day 34

It's the weekend now and I am so glad it's time to relax. Woke up early and gave my lass a lie in to sort the dog out. Today has been busy. I took the dog for a long walk after my shift. Still gamble free. Off to a wedding night tomorrow. Feeling good.

Day 37

been a mixed day up and down but no gamble yet again. I think if I was not adding stuff to my dairy it would cause me to collapse as this is the only change this time in stopping plus a huge desire to change. I have access to my own money and I am now onto my second payday as from tomorrow without feeding my addiction. I have set small targets bought a few things and saved for a holiday in this short space of time. I know I cannot be complacent and must keep working with a gamble free lifestyle.

Looking back I remember selling 'unwanted stuff' at c converters online auction sites to cover my betting loses. Stuff really that could have been used. Scrapping around selling possessions. What a joke.

Looking at the last few years I did enjoy the buzz of a gamble. My betting habits made no sense. Crazy spins on roulette. Rushed hands at virtual cards. I really wanted rid of the money so I could not gamble and feel the pain of defeat.. Now I look back and see no point it what I was doing. Why feel the pain instead of the joy of living well. I am glad I am turning a corner. Such a long way to go but already I see the benefits.