Gambling- the sure way of getting nothing from something! 11th May 2014

Day 24, Thanks for the post heaven,- yeah i realise it must be hard for non cg`s to understand this illness,thank goodness for this site.

I`ve spent most of the morning trawling the internet,playing clips related to compulsive gambling.

I took a lot from an interview Matthew Ethridge did on 5 live,well worth a listien,he tells his story of how his problem escalated over time,he talked about the isolation and the emotional suffering gambling did to him.

Im just beginning to realise looking back just how damaging gambling has been in my life.

Im feeling strong at the moment,the days are racking up,the overdraft is coming down,and the thoughts of gambling are getting slightly less,mainly because i know where a win would lead too,let alone a loss.

Hi robby well done on your 24 days mate life starts to get more clearer doesn't it think gambling just makes us immature and not face the world and as soon as we do its hard I think that's why we relapse no more buddy lets be men and not little boys life is great but us gamblers need to grow up 🙂

Take care

The bear

Day 26, all is well,got paid today,overdraft down to 269,should be bk in the black next wkd.

A few gambling urges, I feel I'm missing summit,had the odd thought of doin a wkd footy coupon,but just can't see the point,a tenner acca does nothing for me,it wouldn't give me a buzz,thought of a ante post bet,a large one on the footy and ashes,but to make it worth while I would have to lay out 500,- where would it lead me too? If it won more gambling,if it lost,the same.

Perhaps I will have to go through all the scenerios Iin my head for a while,even tho the same conclusion is the result.

I'm not gona act on these half hearted urges,I'm ticking along quite nicely at present,even tho I've been ill the last 3 weeks,onwards and upwards.

Danger,danger! Left to my own devices tis arvo,missus and kids gone out,I've been fine. After a couple of beers,I gota srong urge to bk west ham not to lose against norwich,I hate norwich bein a town fan,I could pay off my overdraft if I stick on 440. - arghh,why do these thoughts enter my head.

If I won,which it prob will,would I stop?? No

If I lost would I chase?? Yes

Lose,lose scenario,get it thro my head!!!

Writing that down brings me back to reality.

Urge has passed,missus will be home soon.

4 weeks today,a big pat on the back,disaster overted yesterday,I was very tempted,alcohol partly to blame,

4 weeks has flown by,I realise I could of been in deep s**t if I would of carried on that sunday,-i know it would of spirralled out of control.

I'm happy the way things are goin,my mentality really has changed,I keep drumming it thro my head that its a lose,lose scenario,not gambling is the only way to win.

Family day out today,making the most of the weather.

Well done on 4 weeks robby great achievement try and stop the working out of winnings mate that is a dangerous game it's put me back to day 1 a few times you can continue to improve your life and be a better man for it stay strong and enjoy the zoo 🙂

The bear

Day 30- all good,gambling thoughts gradually being eradicated from my mind,- I'm wary of the forth coming cricket coming up,but can honestly say I cannot see the point of betting on it.

I've had many day 30's over the last 13 years of trying to give up,but I feel really positive,I keep thinking it can't be this easy??

I've just gota believe,not get complacent and keep living life a day at a time.

Just for today I shall not gamble.

Good for you Robby and congratulations on reaching a month!

As you say there have been many day 30s before and although I'm pleased you've got here again don't get complacent just keep concentrating on not giving up on giving up.

Have a great day x

Day 33, all good on the gambling front.

It aint been the best of days to be fair,my mind did wander earlier- a quick flutter,make a couple of hundred,then make a real start on giving up next year.

Urge was ignored,ive been too busy,be glad to get through the day.

On a good note,im back in the black in my bank account,5 weeks abstaining from gambling im back on track,long may it continue

5 weeks today,they have flown by,as expected urges come thick and fast,I watched a bit of atr fri nite,a bloke tipped up a horse running today,I had to watch it and it won at 12''s!

Old habits die hard,I should stop watching all racing,but I'm finding it difficult.

Good thing is I'm not P***** off I missed a 12-1 winner,I know it would send me back to ruin eventually.

Gamble free for another day.

Thanks for post Robby and well done on the 5 weeks. Glad you enjoy my diary! Well done on acknowledging that your recovery started in 2000. As long as you can see progress in that time then you can get there despite setbacks.

The winner at 12s yesterday would only have been stake money to lose over the next week. You know that.

Still always think about Big Deal when I see your name. Great tv but it probably encouraged me to gamble even more - as if I needed encouragement!

Thanks for the post captain,I always do keep in touch with your diary,I aspired to be Robby box as a young lad,probably influenced my initial addiction,it was a good programme.

Your right any win would just be stake money,I have to keep writing that down and thinking that.

A big test for me this week,I've been a huge cricket gambler in recent years,the ashes being the pinnacle of the sporting calender for me.

Its weird,I go through the thought process of what bets I should place,but I come back to the same conclusion- if I win say £100 what will I do with it? I don't really want the winnings- I could never spend it,it would just be put on another bet cos I would have nothing to lose.

It all makes sense now,the urge is still therw,I'm sure it will be a trying week,a week that will make me stronger.

Hi Robby

Reading your blog as you said we ve suffered the same feelings.

Last post especially hit home as I bet stupid amounts of money on the last ashes series. But my story proves that there is no way to win with an addiction.

I won £700 on the test where we won with 16 runs to spare and instead of counting my lucky stars i bet throughout the ashes culminating in a stake of over £1700 on England in the last test, you can imagine my reaction when they went off for bad light with £5000 riding on it. That left me with minus bank balance, and I have since gambled all pay till I have to survive to the next pay day.

Sorry to fill your thread but a thought that came to light when reading your blog is astonishingly I wasn't that upset at losing that massive amount I was more upset that I didn't win and predict it right, it was a very surreal feeling.

Therefore if the potential financial gain/ loss (even though I cannot afford it) isn't the thrill of the bet then why put it on? And I know I just would have got a bigger thrill putting some/all of the £5k on another bet that would eventually result in a win.

Again apologies, but there's always someone on here who is suffering similar impulses on here, keep talking about it. Hope any of this helps even if it is just to know you're not the only one feeling this. Keep it up mate

Day 37, -Thanks for the post Stuart,your welcome to post as much as you like on my diary.

I remember the ashes game well,i was equally gutted as i wanted michael clarke to be top runscorer for the series,only to declare 30 odd runs short,its all irrellevant,the winnings would be long gone now.

Ive found the last couple of days tough,ive paid my overdraft,but have numerous outgoings coming up,the temptation to try and win a couple of hundred has nagged me.

I mite possibly succeed in the short term,but i gota break this cycle and keep gamble free no matter what.

Im definitley more vunerable when holidays etc are approaching,ive just gota give myself time.

Thoughts of making say just £50 a week have crept in,surely i could pick and choose a few certs,maybe get a system together, - all these cr** negative thoughts have entered my brain the past 48 hours,- what makes me think this time it would be any different?

I need to get my mindset back on track,coming on here has helped,i need to keep busy,urges will pass,bills will still get paid,presents will get bought, - this was never gona be easy.

37 days of a stress free life have just passed where i havent got in any more debt,ive paid the bills,ive lead a normal life,no punching walls,no punching myself,no shouting hysterically at a tv,no mood swings,ive slept like a baby,whats not to like about this gamble free life,you cant win cos you cant stop,get it through your thick head!!!

just for today i shall not gamble

Hi Robby

Hope your recovery is still going strong. For the ashes I'm going to see if I can actually just enjoy watching the tests rather than stressing so much over the outcome. And it's got to help that the games are through the night!

I had that same feeling earlier in the week, I thought if I could just earn £50 a week on a sports bet then that would pay for my food shop etc. but I am an addict and I don't get a thrill from withdrawing a £50 win. I know I would put £100 on the next bet and think oh I'd only be the £50 down that I started with. All the time the most stupid thing is, that £50 would just pay for the food! There is no logic to my addiction but I do know my thrill comes from a big risk and a big potential win. The size of a bet I'm willing to make ensures my habit is an addiction and it is completely unsustainable and destructive.

Stay strong and now you are more than 5 weeks gamble free which is brilliant just think how bad it would feel to be at day 1.

All the best mate

Stu