Gary's diary of (continued) recovery

Well done on the milestone Gary.
1000 day's is a top achievement
All the best
Deano

Cheers Deano.....Day 1000. Would never thought I could go through 10 days when I started.

There's been no (special) cake, no ticker-tape parade, no balloons and no banners. I was wondering what day 1000 would feel like, and, in reality, it's no different to day 762 (that's just a random day). It hasn't particularly felt special.

I'm not being flippant or condescending here, but I'm finding the abstinence side pretty easy....gambling led me down some dark dark paths. The recovery side..well, that's the tricky bit and the one I'm working through to the best of my ability.

All the best.

Congrats on 4 figures Gary 🙂

& can I also extend a personal thank you to your still being here...It's thanks to the good people like yourself, paying it forward, that has enabled me to recognise that recovery & abstinence are not the same! I never thought stopping gambling could be so achievable but as you point out, it's the recovery that means the most. Unlike gambling though, the more you invest in recovery, the more you benefit from it.

Keep working on the tricky stuff - ODAAT

Hi Gary thanks for dropping by yesterday. You've played a major part in those 500 days especially with keep the challenge updated last year, i takes some effort to do as I've discovered this year and I'm only doing it every other week.

Now onto you it seems like you have been neglecting your diary not even a post this year. Would be good to see an update on how you are doing.

For the new guys on here this is a diary that you should read it certainly inspired me.

KTF

Knuckles rapped Martin.

Still bet free but had a really hectic few weeks. I've been suffering a bit with stress and anxiety (recurring theme with CG's) so took myself to the doctors - turns out my blood pressure is through the roof.

Took some thinking time about things and made some big decisions - have got closer to the GA programme and really begun to focus on my JFT's and serenity prayer (still edging towards the Steps...) and that's helped a lot.

Have also decided work was a massive factor so applied for some jobs and got offered a new role last week. Handed my notice in last week so 11 years service will soon come to an end. Feels like a massive weight has been lifted and looking forward to a new, different and exciting challenge.

JFT

Brilliant diary Gary well done on the 1000days just spent my lunch hour reading your diary.

one think that hit home to me "I don't miss gambling one bit. I hated gambling when I was deep at it, but the pathological urge to gamble constantly drew me back in. My finances were a mess and I was relying on the one thing that got me into the mess to get me out of it. Strange."

I used to have the same feeling hated it but kept on getting drawn back in.

Great read

Malc

Well done Gary on reaching 3 years bet free . All the best bud

Deano

Thanks Deano.

3 years gamble free....I used to look in awe at people with any abstinence and now I'm in their company.

It didn't happen by chance or luck or willpower. I attended a GA meeting on my final day of betting (a 4 figure blur) and laid my heart and soul to a room full of strangers. I've spoken at length and more importantly listened to a ton of great advice. I understand myself, my triggers and my shortfalls a lot more. I'm finally turning into a version of Gary I can happily look in the mirror - and one I hope people speak positively of.

I remember the dark days though- the pain, the isolation, the loans, the lies and the manipulation of those I loved the most. I can close my eyes and remember all manner of horrors. Those are,for now, in a little box - hopefully consigned to history if I continue my road of recovery.

For any newbie - it can be done. But you've got to tell yourself that there is no good to come from gambling, the first bet is the one to avoid and truly believe that the desire to stop gambling is stronger than an urge to place a bet. JFT

Just had to congratulate you - 3 years gf.
Fantastic achievement and inspiration for us all. xx

Day 1113....just a quick update. The thoughts of gambling are now extremely rare for me. That inescapable urge to run away and place a bet has been replaced by a desire to work recovery and become a better person; it's not easy..as my illness is often seeking shortcuts and the easy way out.

Currently mulling the best strategy to lose weight and maintain the weight loss (I've piled on 3 stones since stopping gambling). not sure whether to try overeaters anonymous or perhaps one of the more traditional methods. Will have to commit to it though and do it properly.

GA meeting tonight - always to a joy to share in recovery and revel in the unity and positivity.

Day 1129.

Don't want to trivialise things but abstaining comes quite naturally at the moment. All of those dominant thoughts and ingrained behaviours have been replaced/rewired by more positive and rewarding thoughts.

On a personal level - started a new job this week after 11 years in the previous company. Could have been a trigger and caused those anxious feelings and not being good enough that used to lead to gambling. Instead I've approached it positively and trying hard to understand and to integrate with new colleagues/ processes.

Looking forward to a relaxing weekend. Enjoy all

How you doing Gary missed you around these parts and not checked in on the challenge for over a month now. Hope alls good and the new job is going well.

Over 7 months since I last updated my diary....a bit disappointing and tardy.

Still gamble free and working recovery to the best of my ability - a bet feels a long long way away but I know the reality is altogether more sobering. My heavy gambling years (10) are still outweighing my recovery/bet free years (3 and 3/4).

Life is really good though - GA has given me a framework and structure to my life and am continuing to see the benefits financially, emotionally and spiritually.

All in all, it’s been a great 2017 - have stayed connected to “real life” and had some really good experiences that just wouldn’t happen if I were still gambling. Every single ounce of energy and every single penny available was committed to gambling.

Things are so much more straightforward now - JFT I will not gamble

My diary game is pretty weak. Beyond checking into the 2018 challenge weekly I don’t comment much on GamAnon. Circle of Life I suppose; I rely on GA as my main source of recovery and knowledge.

Quick check in today as it’s exactly 4 years since my last bet. I did this by following advice : I restricted access to cash and my Finances became visible to my wife. I self-excluded. I went to weekly GA meetings. I read. I listened. I asked questions.

Today, the thought of betting seems a long way away and I feel strong. I work on daily recovery, living life to the fullest and continuing to listen and learn.

JFT - I will not gamble

Day 1712 - been over 8 months since checking in on here :- I sometimes look at the forums in my spare time, but much of my non-gambling efforts are spent with my friends in GA.

With 5 years being bet free poking its head over the horizon, life is generally really good at the moment.

My biggest battles aren’t with gambling thoughts but instead my own brain and continuing the daily recovery by working the GA programme. I’ve come to realise that GA is a lifetime commitment for me, if I ever stop rowing away from the waterfall; I’ll be sure to get sucked into the current back towards it. Some days, it is hard to row.

Keep fighting the good fight everything, the rewards truly are worth it