Get busy living... Or get busy dying..

Hi Girl,

And yet, still standing strong. Keeping you and your family in my prayers too hun. Things have got to let up soon. A big hug. -joanxxxxxx

Hang in there Blondie, the stress must be enormous, lesser people would have imploded by now. I hope things get better soon and some stability returns to you and your loved ones. Hope your mum gets better soon too.

Steve

Those 3 hours yesterday were up there with the worst in my life, I just crumbled and held my mum for ten minutes and cried, I thought I had lost her, and then we received the phone call to say they thought it was an infection.

I can't imagine how my mum feels, she isn't eating so today I am going to try and tempt her with something nice, she is just falling asleep at the drop of a hat.

I hope more than anything that that is it now, she has been through so much and is so incredibly strong but universe leave her alone for now. Enough is enough.

It's funny because I look at things now differently after the event I try to understand what lesson did I learn, now that my eyes are open and I understand myself more . I believe I've had yesterday's lesson before but maybe I didn't get it so bosh it's presented again. Yesterday I learnt more than anything to live in the now, I have no business in tomorrow or next week.

Lesson learnt I think, be present blondie, live in this moment only.

5 days to my one year gamble free , and I suppose you have to laugh, I haven't gambled not one single penny through all the stress and all the s**t that has been thrown my way.

Today I topped up my pride and self worth just that little bit more.

UP YOURS GAMBLING. ,..... Who,s winning now.

Blondie xxx

Yo,

And so you should be proud very very proud .

Today my lovely I doff my cap to you as our fav chef would say .

I have just made a strawberry flan , no really .....

As you know my culinary skills rate a big fat zero on the richter factor lol

But by hook or by crook I will get some goodness into my dear old dad, ( we have ways of making you eat !)

Next week may even attempt scrambled egg , lol

Take care Hun ,

Shiny xxxxxxxxxxxxxx(((((((((B))))))))xxxxxxxxxx

Living in the present is the best way Blondie, something i'm trying to do myself. Just for today, Blondie is living in the present!!

Take care and prayers as usual for Blondie and family.

Lady Feb.xx

Blondie,

You are going through an immense amount at the moment so just wanted to pop by and say I am walking along this path with you and there are many others with much wiser words than I to accompany you.

Up yours gambling indeed! I like that, it brought a smile to my face a good show of defiance, to reach 12 months after all you have been through is like a triple achievement, quite, quite inspiring for people like me. When I catch up on your diary it makes me believe that I can do it, that whatever is thrown at me, whatever happens to me then I can soldier on and come out of this the other side.

I know it might not be helping you at the moment but I just wanted to say that you should be so proud of yourself dealing with everything that is going on.

there will undoubtedly be tough times ahead but that armour is stronger now as is the person inside it.

stay safe

paulds

Christine.

From me to you a big heartfelt well done for standing up to be counted.

In life whatever is thrown our way, gambling will only exagerate it.

Be proud and do please look after yourself, as my dear friend YOU are truly worth it.

One day at a time, stepping forward never back.

Duncs compulsive gambler NO BET TODAY.

Thanks so much, my failure makes me feel such a wimp as I never give up on anything usually, so frustrating.

You are certainly showing me how it should be done, it makes me feel it is possible to manage even with all the S***e in the world raining down on you and I so appreciate that you have time to spare to think of others and their individual problems as well.

Do take care of yourself and I hope all is well with your Mum.

xxx

Hey Blondie,

Just wanted to send you some big Chicagoguy HUGGGGGSSSS! Hope your going fine.

Chicagoguy

hiya blondie, so close to that year mark, amazing. Really sorry to hear about your mum, my love and best wises to you both. Im new to the site in name but up untill the last couple of months ive been on the site and followed your diary and you have been an inspiration to me, youve done so well and support so many. I wish you all the best.

Thank you everyone for all your posts, still plugging away, I went to mums yesterday and cleaned up for her and changed her bed, she still isn't eating and just wants to sleep all the time, so all I can do,is be there for her, she has an appointment at the breast clinic on Monday morning so hopefully we will get some news about her operation.

I thought I would feel angry today had another disagreement with my fiancé last night, I was down south for 5 days last week helping out with the house ready for the estate agent to come, and because I have said I am not coming this weekend because I want to look after my mum and also my eldest is moving into her own apartment at weekend he has got the hump with me and thinks he isn't number one on my priority list, I have told him there is no list or order of priority I am just doing what I feel is right, I ended up putting the phone down in him. He is almost child like at times, anyways I am not giving it much head space today, I've given it to my higher power and he will either come round or he won't.

This sums up how I feel today.

Out of the night that covers me,

Black as the Pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be

For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance

I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeonings of chance

My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

Looms but the Horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years

Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,

How charged with punishments the scroll.

I am the master of my fate:

I am the captain of my soul.

William Ernest Henley

Take care all

Blondie xxx

Hey there Ms B ....

You must be knackered !!!! such a lot to deal with and in such a small space of time too....

Planning the wedding would be enough stress alone for you both right now but life has thrown in some unexpected challenges for sure....youre right about priorities ..I do hope you are getting some support from your brother even if it's just running errands for you ..

Your man will come round ...and he also has his own HP and the fact your marrying the man should indictate that he is the top of the tree on your priority list.

Im guessing he is looking for reassurance....when I moved away to live with ex on his turf I was a bit clinging but tried not to let it show ...I did deliver the old "I'm moving everything to be with you " line but in all fairness we both moved mountains and it was unfair of me to say that ...I was behaving like a child also.

It will settle down Hun...you have strong foundations under you and what's happened with your mum was unforeseen ...if your chappy has his folks alive and their health is compromised then he will also have to prioritise just as you have...

(((((B ))))) xxxx

your soul remaining intact xx

Hi Blondie,

"the captain of my soul." That says it all doesn't it? Thank you for sharing that and am always reading and wading along side you. Trying my da m ndest at least, and admitting that some days am just treading water myself but, hoping and willing to support you in any way I can in your recovery as you have supported me since the very beginning.. dear Blondie. -joanxxxx

Thank you lovely ladies for the posts.

So it's 3 days to my one year gamble free and there have been times I didn't think I would do it , just when you think you can't take any more..... You do ...

I have learnt so many things about me and my addiction , I have learnt that I am resilient , that I can make good choices for myself each day I just have to remember all the time what I stand to lose if I gamble.

As the wonderful mr mac says, there are no odds great enough for me to stake what I have to lose.

Just for today no bet. That will do nicely.

Went for a lovely walk with woody this morning, leg is well on the mend just a slight limp now but like anything I am building the strength back slowly.

Off to mums later, still have radio silence from my fiancé, I feel myslef digging my heels in on this one, I hope he knows what he's up against lol....

Where my family are concerned I am afraid I'm like a lioness ..

My eldest is moving in to her own apartment tomorrow, so will be helping her pack, I am going to really miss her people say we are like sisters, but I know it's the next faze in her life and I am also excited for her.

Off to make some breakfast.

It's a wonderful life if you open your heart to it.

Take care all

Blondie xxx

Blondie.

Seems as if I am shadowing you around the forum today lol.

My friend it is great pride I will enjoy standing by your side for the next few days, a journey which has seen you put an amazing amount of effort into, for sometimes only to see another spanner into the works, but the resolve you have has seen you stride on.I believe this choice to face our addiction has led to something truly amazing, an awakening of our souls, We can through it make every aspect of our lives better, and with hope those around us.

I think you like me used to drop great big boulders in the water, creating huge tidal waves of devestation, today YOU my friend enjoy skimming those pebbles, and watch the water gently lap up around your feet.

This is about much more than arresting our compulsion, this is now about life.

Today again enjoy living, me I will enjoy it too.

Duncs stepping forward never back.