Okay, this is day one.
Online gambling, on particular game called “dream catcher has taken over my life and I find myself with nearly 30,000 worth of debt. I am able to make payments with my wages, however in the past month I stooped to my lowest by taking out a payday loan to gamble with. THIS IS BOTTOM. I have lost my self respect. Today is the day I have decided to record my journey back on track. The only way this ends is to never play that game ever again. I am fortunate to where I can pay for my debts but at this rate I feel like I will get myself into a situation soon where I really can’t make monthly payments. I have an action plan in place. And my goal, besides not playing, is to keep in the black in my bank account. It is tempting already, the remaining amount I could gamble and some of my overdraft in a desperate last plea. But that is the sort of thought that got me here! I won’t do it, I must start recovering today.
Sat in work at the moment thinking about how comparing days when I gamble to when I don’t, the days when I don’t I feel so much better, not able the debt but in general, I also think more clearly and feel more hopeful. I will be hanging into this in the next couple of days
Hi Backontrack
Thanks for posting in my diary and I'm glad it was some help.
I guarantee every day will feel better after stopping. Don't let those urges win you over with the promise of a remedy. It's shocking that we find ourselves here but it's even more shocking when we consider just how much more damage can be done if we were to carry on gambling.
Maybe they should rename Dreamcatcher to a more honest title ... Nightmare Bringer, Money Sucker, Wage Waster, Casino Funder? I really do hope you find the strength to stick to your resolve and not play the game again. Stick around here and read as many recovery diaries as you can - they really do help hammer home the fact that there is no winning once you're a compulsive gambler.
One positive is you can still afford to pay the debt - this will feel like a luxury if you let the habit drag you to the other side of the fence when your finances implode. I got to the point where I was going to gamble all my essential money, which would have crashed my life - thank god I never did. I found this site and now the very thought of it taking that kind of risk now fills me with terror.
See this is a very close escape from disaster. Keep posting and stay strong and I'll keep visiting to see how you're getting on. Although I'm only a 21 rookie - there's so many more people here that can offer greater support and wisdom.
All the best, resist the temptation and you'll soon feel yourself magically levitate higher and higher from today's rock bottom when you free yourself from the curse of Dreamcatcher.
Take care
Equinox
Thank you so much! Yes I will definitely be renaming that bloody game!! I know I am lucky, but yes like you said my luck will run out if I don’t stay in the black, Good luck with your quest also I will try and find time to read through your posts! 🙂
Finding the forums really helpful to sit and read through. I think a lot of us are in the same position. My main goal when I get paid is to stay in the black. If I can do this for a month without gambling, I can start to pay off my debts, maybe even being able to pay of big chunks. I wish I would have found this site sooner, writing helps me think through what I am doing. Finishing work now and thinking about other ways I can cut back on spending to help me pay off my debts.
back home, heading to the gym in an hour. Feeling calmer than i did yesterday. My main task now is to keep on track. Ive also started thinking about the things i can sell to release some cash, old clothes etc. I have the option of a couple overtime shifts at work after xmas, so plan is to use that money to pay the most expensive debts first. Feeling a little nervous about the mountain of debt that awaits me, however, i determined to get it gone.
Finishing the day with a yoga class, believe it or not i manage to get the gym quite a lot i dont know how i even had time to gamble. I mean i really dont, i have not stopped since i walked through the door. I sincereley regret the day that i signed up for free spins and to be quite honest ( although i know nobody forced me) i think those sorts of websites are evil.
My next step is to correctly set up all of my direct debits, pay of my payday loan then i can start working out how much money each month i actually have (not what i have including my overdraft). I am looking foward to the day when i am in the black and i know that i wont get charged an overdraft fee.
End of day 1 --- feeling glad that i found this forum, i have read through lots of the diaries and realise that there are lots of good poeple with this problem. Hoping for a better nights sleep tonight, with the view that i can wake up tomorrow without the guilt of adding funds to my betting account. Thank you to anyone who has left a comment, i read and re-read them for motivation. signing out for the night xoxo
Keep going! It's not just getting the debts down that matters it's the damage it does to our mental health as well.
Get some blocks in place it does help to take away the temptation when you know that it's impossible to gamble anyway.
Remember that you are worthy of happiness. Keeping gf is the best way to find it.
All good wishes xx
You sound really motivated, keep it up! I had a favourite game too "burning desire", maybe you can help me think of a better name for it too. Best of luck to you. We can do this xx
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
