getting harder by the day

Hi pyney,

Welcome aboard and can I first say well done for finding your way here, it's not an easy thing to admit that we are CGs.

I am sorry you have had to move back to your parents and I hope it will be temporary.

It's not the money, it's the lies that hurt our OHs so much, especially when we have confessed all and swore we would not go back to gambling and then we do and then get found out again, that is nothing but totally heartbreaking for our OHS.

You say this is your rock bottom I hope it is for you, because now you can take control of your choices by 100% committing to recovery.

This is the lowest you will feel,as long as you stay away from gambling, try and just take one day at a time, don't be too hard on yourself, and stuff will slowly get sorted out.

Prove it to yourself (you owe this to yourself) it will take time for your OH to forgive you and trust you, but I hope she does, and this can be achieved with total honesty to her and total commitment to recovery.

Please keep posting and venting and turn your life around you can do this.

Best wishes.

Suzanne xx

thanks for the reply,

yes i understand that that is the hardest part for her is the fact i have lied about it etc, i feel so ashamed of myself after doing the same thing last year, i just want the problem to go away and never be a problem again, i wana walk past the bookies rattle the cash in my pocket and go haha losers you aint getting this and i no i can do that with the right help, it is just tearing me apart inside being away from her and having no contact because it all i have known for the last three years

Hi pyney10

Its never easy to hit rock bottom but for most of us we have to hit rock bottom in order to pick ourselves up, look and see the mess we have created and start working our way back up. It can bevery hard at the beginning but just remember it is never too late to make the changes and it is important for us to be able to acknowledge we have a problem in order to do anything about it. This site is a great starting point to get the support and advice we all need at the start of the journey and would like to welcome you to the site. Use here to take all the right steps to fixing what needs to be fixed starting with you. Your partner is probably upset and angry right now and has the right to be so this is the time to get every bit of support and barrier in place to start making this better and to prove how serious you are about fixing this.

Have you put any bblocks in place such as self exclusion from sites/bookies, handing finances to someone else? If you haven't done so already give here a call and get someone to talk to, and maybe look at a local GA meeting. Every bit helps towards working to a gamble free life. I wish you all the best on this journey of recovery and am here to support you.

Bex x

he bex

i have self excluded from all of the bookies and also got blocks in place on my phone that doesnt allow me to access there sites, i want to hand all my finances over to my partner but at the minute i cant do that as we are apart, but hopefully given time we cn solve that, then she will handle it all, i no i can beat this addiction but i just feel that i really need her by my side to be able to do so

As Bex says you need to put every barrier block self exclusion in place and use every means like GA meetings, this forum, etc, this addiction is too powerful, we cannot do it on willpower alone.

It's time to think of you and by helping yourself in every way possible, you will be helping your OH she will know the difference in you, in recovery.

My OH forgave me after at least 3 relapses, he eventually forgave me every time, but it was not until my rock bottom, and the start of my recovery journey, that he began to trust me again ( not with gambling) but trust me to be honest with him.

He calls this forum my bible and it's still not all plain sailing with us but we are together and I hope your OH gives you another chance.

You are not alone in this horrible mess, and it can be sorted out.

We use a triangle on here time money location, if you take one away it's impossible to play.

Best wishes.

Suzanne xx

i am going to go to my first meeting on monday evening hopefully and this will be my first step to a meeting as i say i have already taken every necessary and possible step to starting to control it by closing down everythng and also self excluding etc, i am just finding it so hard doing it alone

Well done on arranging a meeting, and it's good to see you have closed every possible door to gambling that you can.

You are not on your own my friend, I have just read another new post from coco, reading this may help.

He knows he has to put himself first and you my friend should do the same, you need to put your self at the front of all this mess, you will come through slowly but surely, it's time to be kind to you.

Take care.

Suzanne xx