Getting my life back

Phew, mammoth posting session there and still more to go.

Unfortunately I have household chores to undertake prior to the other half's return from work, so I'm packing up for the afternoon and I'll return tomorrow. I thought about waiting until I'd posted to everyone on my 'to do' list, but that brings back memories of sitting on the computer gambling until 15 minutes before he came home, then running round in a blind panic and making up some bulls**t excuse as to why I hadn't done a single thing that I was supposed to or having to explain why I hadn't been shopping leaving us with nothing to eat for the night. Not a place I want to return to as surprisingly it caused quite a few arguments.

I've got to get away from that mentality and start doing the things that normal people do without thinking about it. So I'm off to blast some songs and tackle the house like a normal person

Hi Jess, a massive congratulations on your 4 weeks 🙂

You sound like you're @ the mad stage (took me a little longer to get here) & I hope it is giving you the peace it has afforded me!

Isn't spending money & seeing results a wonderful feeling 🙂 Every-time you look in the mirror you can be reminded of how far you have come! I know you want to support everyone but people here would rather see you looking out for yourself so don't pressurise yourself to post...Sounds like you had a pretty perfect balance today!

Stay strong - ODAAT

Ha, I was itching for a break so I could drop by & congratulate you on your milestone & raced straight across when I had one without realising you had posted! It's lovely that you did so thank-you but I stand by my earlier post about looking out for you first & foremost! If you haven't already ploughed through mine...You can save it for one night when you're sick of counting sheep 😉 My journey has been much easier than many on here so probably not the best one to waste your precious time on to be honest!

What you are doing is working so stick @ it - ODAAT

Hi jess,

Thanks for your post, and please don't apologise for not posting, this is your recovery, you look after you, I am just so pleased to see you have now reached over one month of winning, and staying very determined and strong, well done,

Suzanne xx

Thanks guys and gals,

So busy day for me visiting family. Just home and got a pile of washing to do. I've intentionally left it all until tonight, purely so that I've got something to occupy my time as the OH is going out straight from work.

It been a good day overall, although did get that twinge when I was posting earlier. How can that happen, you write about the destruction it causes and still have a little voice in the back of your mind telling you it would be a good idea. Crazy. Anyway, I was going to do a few more posts but figured why fuel the fire once its ignited so I logged off, stuck my coat on and went out earlier than I'd planned. The urges have gone for the moment but I'm still on guard.

I'm pleased I did log off, instead of trying to battle through. Battling through, on my own, in the house is hard work, really hard work. I found that something as simple as leaving the house help me get past that twinge before it developed into full blown gambling mentality. Another mental note to self...be ready to change plans at a seconds notice. Even if it means driving aimlessly. I guess in a way it's lucky (as well as being a curse) my only vice is online. I can pass any number of bookies and feel nothing, which is just as well because they're all over the d**n place. I truly sympathise with anyone that does have to deal with passing them every day.

I think I'm going to be ok for the rest of the night. I have my plans but I'm also ready to drop them and jump in the car the second I start to struggle...I filled up on petrol so I'm good for a few hundred miles (and I paid by debit card NT, so that last gambling transaction has moved down another notch on the statement)

I'm classing today as another success in my war against gambling

Hi Jess,

Thanks for your comment 🙂 You don't know how many versions of that diary post I typed, each one slightly less fierce in tone that the last until I found an 'almost' polite way to put down in writing what I was thinking. I too have been spitting feathers for a few days as these little comments always seem to be aimed at the nicest people (poor Wayne the other night, did you catch that one?) But as I have only just started my recovery, felt that it wasn't my place to question the people who seem to be apparent experts having conquered this addiction (as much as anyone of us can). So, what I am saying is thank you for letting me know that it is ok for me to vent, and that you feel the same way! I have been reading your diary, you do make me laugh! I hope you're feeling better. Now, need to get Loco in Acapulco out of my head 🙂

Rach x

Hi Jess, no doubt about it, today or should I say yesterday, since you are now onto a lovely 30 days 🙂 was most definitely a success 🙂

(Smiley faces all over the place)

It is interesting to read your take on my curse because for me having the ability in my sweaty palms 24/7 would have been unbearable. The places closing was often the only way my cycle was broken (not that it stopped me going straight back the next opportunity) had I been doing it online, I would never have stopped! If I had (a lot) less trouble sleeping during the day I'd be a real insomniac instead of just a lazy cow because sleep just will not prevail @ bedtime! In fact, on this note, the trusty Magic let me down today...A good 2 hours spent in the car hoping to go Loco & all I got was heartache (is Country really making a come back) & slush! Obviously, I warbled along to every word, even the ones I didn't know, @ the top of my lovely (not) voice & now I have a sore throat but it will be the 4 Tops keeping me company in the morning in an attempt to eject me from my pit sometime before midday!

Thanks for making me smile too & avoid stabbing hubby @ all costs 😉

Hi Jess,

Glad to read you are 30 days gamble free, I know you can do this! Im glad you are really making the most of this forum and giving advice/taking stuff in from others..it all adds up and makes you determined to keep on going! I have gone through lots of stuff recently and quite a few times thought I was going to cave in however here I am today still going strong! We all have our up and downs, its how you can switch your energy to something positive and enjoyable! Always willing to listen should you need to have a little rant, we all need a release sometimes! I vow to contribute much more to peoples threads now I am less busy with work to see if anything I have learned can help out others, also its good for me because I want to feel like I am giving something back!

Take care, all the best

Krishan

Thanks guys, dare I say it - I'm past 30 days...but I'm still not counting!!! Very conscious that its a week since I got paid, I so want this month to be the month where not a penny of my wage is spent on online slots, but I'm still trying to just think about today, and today only.

Haven't posted in a couple of days, no reason, just been busy with work and the other half. Still pleased to say I'm gambling free. Been a pretty good day but started getting a bit twitched about an hour ago when the other half left for work. I think a lot of it comes down to (past) routine. He left for work, I jumped straight on the laptop (that's what used to happen - to clarify it didn't happen tonight) But, I sidestepped nicely, I waited until his car disappeared round the corner and I jumped in mine. Headed for the A1- not that I got very far courtesy of ********* council digging half of it up and rush hour traffic, but did a bit of a loop and feeling ok now that I'm back home. The twitch seems to have vanished for now at least.

Planning on another lazy night tonight, it's too cold and horrible outside to do anything else. Think I'll stick my pyjamas on and try to catch up with a few programmes

Well done on dealing with your twitch, its a fine achievement to have stayed clean past the payday stage. You are sounding strong and making amazing progress. I hope that this month being gamble free will be the first of many, and you will be completing the 2015 challenge alongside many other year long gamble free soldiers!

Thanks Phil, I'm now into my second week of clinging the the remainder of this months hard earned pay. I will not be defeated.

Just wanted to do a quick post (rant) which I've been meaning to do for ages.

I decided to take a spur of the moment holiday today, I'm just about to do the dishes and write a shopping list because I've got some friends coming over on Saturday night for a belated Christmas get together. I like to watch one of my many shows while I'm doing my jobs but I've not got a tv in the kitchen so I just use my iPad. Why is it when you stream shows, through the iPad or laptop or whatever, the pop ups associated with them are ALL gambling sites? Almost every single one of them - the few that aren't are always for Russian brides - which I'm not in the market for at the moment.

It's something that really annoys me. It's like there's no escape from it. Luckily I think I'm excluded from each and every one of them but there'll come a point where one pops up that I'm not and if I'm not in the right frame of mind it'll be game over.

I'm only thinking about today however and I am in a good frame of mind so not overly worried...but it's annoyed the hell out of me again

Pop ups are connected to your internet history they send you stuff according to previous searches. Dont no how that explains the russian brides tho!!

Haha, maybe the other half's trading me in!!!

Is there no way of erasing the history completely so they won't pop up anymore? As deceitful as it sounds I've always been careful to delete the gambling sites I've visited so the other half would never figure out I'd been gambling.

Also I've never used my iPad to gamble, could this be linked to my phone's history?

Hi Jm,

Just a passer by to congratulate you on your continued abstinence! Really well done and keep going, it is soo worth your peace of mind and even if sometimes it looks a little too high hill to climb, just get those climbing boots on and do it..it is possible 🙂

Hope u got my drift here lol lol

Take it steady and enjoy your recovery road!

Sandra xx

Hi Jess,

These pop ups emails and texts, are a bloody nuisance arnt they, I get them all the time, for anything and everything, I think they send them through our email history and our phone history, not had a phone call on my land line yet, for gambling promotions and bonuses, yet lol, PPI, loans, etc but not gambling sites, now that would give me some pleasure to actually tell someone where to stick there bonuses, lol.

I have got so used to it inow, I don't even read them, I just delete delete and delete lol.

You are doing just fine stay strong. positive and keep moving forwards.

Suzanne xx

PS I've had a couple of emails from these Russian dating girls, too lol,