Giving the heartbeat a break

Day 65 GF.

Everything feels rather wierd. It's been quite easy to be honest. However, I have been here many times before though, doing a good GF stretch and then I will undo everything when something just switches in my brain. I have to make sure that I don't allow that to happen this time around. One small change that I feel that has made a big difference is that I have removed every single gambling related account from my twitter. I'm now not exposed to all fo these 'I make £1,000 a race or game trading sport, look it's so easy'. I found out the hard way, over many years that it's not really easy and I simply don't have the mentality and personality to be good at sports trading or gambling.

I'm slowly begning to value money again, which I think is one of the most important changes in overcoming a gambling addiction. Every year my best friend and I make a number of long term football season bets against each other. We both support rival teams. I'm on track to lose £400 to him and it's actually making me feel sick. Even though I'm not gambling, I of course will honour the payout as this was placed during my dark gambling days. This is a good thing though. The day I placed my last bet I put £500 on a bloody vitual football game and didn't think twice at the value I was about to lose but now I'm getting annoyed that I'm going to be £400 out of pocket.

On a better note, I found out I won £75 today on my premium bonds 😀

I'm making good in roads on the £18,615.89 I lost last year, I've been able to chalk that number down to £15,885.89.

Hi MVG

Just wanted to say well done on your progress and determination to never give up and go back to your old ways. I too have recently returned, after being gamble free for just over two and a half years. For me, it was always wanting that bit extra money each month but we all know on here, that any extra money, soon turns into a massive debt. This then leaves us with those knot wrenching feelings in our stomach, to name just a few negatives!

I am going back to setting mini goals each month, which really help to regain peace and harmony back in my life.

Wishing you the best of luck and take care.

Our Lady.

Day 77 GF.

A mate of mine asked me for a tip for the free bet he had at Sandown on Saturday. I reminded him that I don't gamble anymore. He was incredibly apologetic for asking but I had a little look for him anyway. Spent time going through the cards on that day and found the one horse at 10/1 that I thought was a cert which I recommended to him. Forgot about it until yesterday and had a look at the results. Of course it won.

I had to remind myself very quickly that while yes, I was actually quite good at picking out winners, I would obviously have losers and that would trigger me into descending into absolute chaos of betting on every horse in every race. This would result in me doing all of my money rather than just waiting for that one/two horses a day that had the best chance.

This week and weekend will be a real test. Everywhere I look I see advertisements for Cheltenham. Now I'm really missing gambling. Right about now I would be finalising my 'war chest' for the festival. Ploughing money into my account and already beginning to study the cards for those glorious 24 races over the festival. I would by now also accept that win or lose, my war chest could be at £0 by the end, but that was fine because this is the most glorious racing festival of the year.

I will not relapse.

Stay strong MVG, this Cheltenham Festival has sucked me back into gambling so many times in the past, but its not something we can take or leave. It will simply lead to more destruction, pain, debt and misery. You have made great progress, stay strong!

Hi everyone,

It's been a while since I've updated this blog, but I feel that I have been at peace with gambling over the past few weeks so haven't needed to update this. However, I mustn’t become complacent. The appetite to relapse can strike at any time.

I'm now on 102 days GF. So delighted I managed to make my milestone of 100 days. This is now the longest I have gone without gambling since 2013. The money I've been saving since giving up gambling has actually allowed me to be in a position to book a last minute trip to Mexico for my best mates birthday. Being able to do this feels amazing and I would never have been able to do that if I didn't give up on Boxing Day. Now I have a week in Mexico to look forward to that will create some amazing memories all because I'm fighting this horrible monster.

Keep strong all x

Day 176 GF

I hope you're all well.

Not suprisngly I'm drawn back here on the day of major horse racing festivals, today of course being Ascot. I've made it to 176 days now, I'm incredibly proud of myself. For a large part of the last 75 days since my last update the urges have mainly gone away. I don't notice a single bookie when I walk past one and I have no urges to go on a betting site. Having to pay my friend £325 a few weeks ago for the bets we made last summer really it home how much losing money hurts. During my gambling days I could lose £325 in a single bet and not think twice about it. But having to pay out that money after not betting for half a year was incredible difficult.

I really want to make it to a year, but so worried i will get complacent and drop the ball on this.

Day 200 GF today. Big milestone. Want to bet so much. Why does it get harder the longer we abstain 🙁