Hi All,
I'm here to start afresh & make things right.
I had been doing really well. Slowly but surely gambling has worked its way back into my life.
The last time I posted I was doing really well & over 6 months free from gambling. Since then I paid off my debts (which totalled £5k) & had begun to start saving a big trip abroad which is my life dream.
For the first time in my life I have saved money - and the reason I post today us I know that this will soon be gone if I don't curtail my current habits. I can last for weeks on end without a bet. But then I have a night of madness like tonight & I'm straight back to square one. This has been my life for the last year or two.
Tonight I spent £350 on a pub fruity chasing a £100 jackpot. If that's not madness then I don't know what is. I don't ever want to forget how low I feel right now.
So here goes - tomorrow is my day one. I've quit before & I'll do it again.
I've read all the books & I know how illogical gambling is. My problem (as with many) is that I'm a chronic chaser who can't accept losses. My mantra for the next 12 months - "I cannot start because I cannot stop".
It's now or never.
Spoon
Hi Spoon, I relate to your mantra. "I can not start because I can not stop." Progress not perfection, right. And we keep coming back. You can read my topic if you want to know where I am right now with gambling. It's been a journey and I'm staying close to recovery and believing in odaat. If we slip we get right back up. Someone wrote on my last post to remember the triangle... time, location and money.. I slipped up due to this combination of factors because I didn't put up any blocks and was complacent. You can do it, I believe in you. T2
It happened again. I haven't gambled since my last post 2 months ago (and felt very little need to) but last night was drunk & ended up in a casino.
Having been £700 in the hole at one point, I was incredibly lucky & eventually won the money back online, but risked so much and for nothing. Next time I might not be so lucky.
When I'm sober I have very little compulsion to gamble anymore, but sometimes after a drink I think I'm James Bond & start throwing money about!
In future I'm going to restrict my access to money when drinking. I think I also need to start keeping track of my days abstinate so I have something to maintain. So here it goes - Day 0.
Hello Spoon, only just seen this thread but well done on admitting the relapse, and you have started being gamble free before so you know you can again, which is always a good start! And I was the same, especially when drunk, personally I gave up drinking as well as trying to give up gambling, have had gambling relapses since, best of luck to you mate, stay strong!
Thanks Gooner - appreciate your comments. All the best in your recovery.
I cannot start because I cannot stop. Day 1.
I cannot start because I cannot stop. Day 2.
Just waiting for my withdrawal to process from my latest set-back & I can self-exclude. There can't be many left I'm not excluded from now. So many times I've signed-up when drunk then come the next morning when reality bites I self-exclude.
Zero compulsion to gamble. I cannot start because I cannot stop. Day 3.
Just self-excluded. Oddly I had some urges today but not giving in.
Day 4. I cannot start because I cannot stop.
Day 6. I cannot start because I cannot stop.
Day 7.
Well done spoon on Day 7 gf - I am similar in that I can go for a bit without gambling but then i spend big. The only way is to cut it out all together and not let them get their hands on the rest of your savings. The other money is gone, hard to accept i know as I have also lost a lot, but we cannot win it back. Stay strong, one day at a time!
Thanks for your comments Rose. Agreed - any money I've lost in the past is long gone. Attempting to win it back is futile.
Day 8. No urges here. I cannot start because I cannot stop.
Day 12. I cannot start because I cannot stop.
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
