goodbye dizzymissy78

Hi,

Some of this sounds familiar, I have heard similar from my husband.

He has been gf for a while but his relationship with money is still dysfunctional - as I see it. He works very hard but of necessity we have tight financial controls. These serve two purposes, they protect the family and they break his triangle. No one would suggest or think now that he doesn't deserve new stuff to replace whatever has worn out or broken - apart from him! He doesn't like spending on himself, he absolutely refuses the several new items of clothing that he could do with, he refuses to go to the opticians or the dentist. And I can't insist, he had to sort himself out. So you're not alone there. Although I don't recommend punishing yourself this way, it's not that helpful.

As to how your OH feels? Well, it was an absolute nightmare for me and the children - oh, and for my husband - but time has passed and healed, things are better than they were. No magic wands, no short cuts, only plain hard work and meetings and therapy and communication (this involves communicating the positive and the less positive). It's a shock for your husband and a betrayal but you have to accept that you've hurt him in the same way that you have to accept that the money has gone.

I offer my husband many things by way of support but understanding the gambling isn't one of them. It's not my job, his fellow GA members get it and that suffices for him. Would recommend meetings, women do go and The empathy is there.

re getting the bills paid, can you try a joint effort? Better not to have money handy to tempt you but it sounds like he needs your help in making the spending decisions.

You've been doing so well staying gf and coping with juggling the money, keep on keeping on? If he now knows, it's better in that you're more accountable, it's harder to gamble, you're serious about overcoming it so him knowing can only be a good thing? Direct him as to how best to support you but don't expect miracles from him, it's really hard. Also, point him in the direction of GC or GamAnon. He'll need help.

Hope this helps. Stay safe.

CW

Right love....go stick the kettle on...and breath. ..
That bomb I spoke about has blown...
There's bound to be debris all over the place..
Things said...both ways that are not nice....it's reaction hun. ..
It wont all get sorted or be better over night....
Your head and heart will chuck every emotion at you.....
Just keep talking to hubby and here....
Maybe in a day or so it would help him to ring helpline to understand a bit more about addiction. ..
You've got proof that your serious about fighting .....that you havnt gambled...show him all the things you've acheived since stopping....yes all of it can be seen as being treated as a child....but if it stops you gambling....and means you can move on....then it's got to be done..
Stay strong...ride the tide love xx

Dizzyyyy....
You ok love xx

Missing you dizzy. Thinking of you and hoping all's well x

Heya guys I'm OK just reeling from the explosion this week going to be a long time to fix this but really helps having u guys on board xxxxx

Good to hear from you. Stay strong, take care x

Glad you still here dizzy. ..
Hold tight....it will be a bumpy ride for a while..like ive said before love ....let the dust settle ..
Keep coming here and getting it off your chest....
Keep them guards up and stay strong....your doing great and it will get better..x

Hi dizzy,
You've done so well getting to 126 gambling free days.
It may take some time to fix things but fix them you will.
You've been through so much that you have just got to keep clocking those days up to make all your struggles worthwhile.
No one says life is easy but it must get a d**n sight easier when we're not throwing our hard earned cash away. x

OK so one thing that came from my bomb telling hubby about the debt was the fact I don't value myself, I'm not worthy of anything which after he had calmed down he identified he asked me about things that I'm unhappy with one being my weight I have never had a problem and always been slim until a few years ago now I have lost control I not huge but I'm not myself I no longer like choosing clothes it's more a case of what fits I said I use to enjoy the gym but I can't afford it now he said stuff the people I owe money to he said he wants me to feel better in myself so yesterday I joined the gym I did a brilliant class it nearly killed me but I felt so good my aim is to lose 2 stone by Xmas we have a holiday booked for January the thought of wearing a swimsuit terrifys me so the challenge is on felt good to find a different kind of buzz let's just hope I can keep it up got another class booked for tomorrow! !!!!

Things a little better working towards clearing things and coming to arrangements gym going well will be my 4th session tomorrow husband still very cross but I'm being honest and showing him everything work picking up for next week still have flat days but not gambling is still key x

Hi dizzy.
Just want you to know I'm thinking about you. I hope everything is OK and that you're getting stronger with each passing day. Take care x

Not checked in for a while but feeling wobbly so needed to come here hope everyone is well and gf x

Hi how things, you still going to the Gym? Stay strong, don't give in to the urge it will pass. X

Hey Dizzy , welcome back :))

Someone asked after you tonight , think it was Little miss lost ? .

Sorry to hear your having a rough time , try and think how far youve come since stopping eh ? and maybe keep this place a little closer for a while , the supports always here Hun :))

Good to hear from you and talk to you soon xx

Hi dizzy, good to hear you're still around. Take care and stay strong x